Married Men and Prostitutes


343
Ed ShullOctober 6th, 2008


Update: You may also want to read the follow up post on how to tell if your husband is visiting prostitutes.

I came across an article from Oprah.com (it was syndicated on CNN, I swear) that talked about why men cheat.  In the article, marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, author of the new book The Truth About Cheating, gives some interesting facts.

It’s estimated that 1 in every 2.7 men will cheat on their spouse, and that less than 7% of those men will come clean about their infidelity.  It’s also interesting that 92% of the men claim that sex is not their primary motivation.

Gary Neuman makes sure to state upfront that cheating is a despicable act, and that it causes pain to the very person these men swore to love and respect.  He also makes sure to let the Oprah viewers know that it’s not the woman’s fault.  So…it’s not you, it’s them, right?  Well….it looks like Gary also let’s women know they have to be more supportive of their husbands.

A guy named Josh tells us that he cheated on his wife because he felt “under appreciated” at home.  “The insecurity was really the catalyst” Josh says.  It seems Josh didn’t like the daily routine of paying bills, doing chores, taking care of the kids, so he screwed around on his wife.

Let me say for the record, I don’t get guys like Josh.  And I don’t really believe him.  I don’t think Josh wants to admit that he is really a shallow ass who wanted to screw around on his wife, and he knows that playing the emotion game is going to get him off the hook, at least a little.

I decided to do my own little study.  I’m more qualified than M. Gary Neuman, I’m not peddling a book on Oprah.  And I have known a lot of guys who cheat on their wives.  And I can tell you that each and every one did so for the sex.  Maybe they had a good time hanging out as well, but it really came down to the excitement of new sex with a new person.

Since M. Gary Neuman has already shared with us the reason men have affairs, I decided to focus on men who are simply having sex behind their wives back, specifically with prostitutes.  So I posted ads to several Craigslist city sites asking for married men to tell me about their experiences with prostitutes.  I also emailed some professional escorts directly to take a quick survey on their experience with married men.

Let me start off with the escort feedback.  According to the escorts I spoke to, roughly 75% of their clients are married, often traveling on business.  The ages range on average between 30 – 55, and appear to be professional men.  The fact that most of these women charge the same as a high priced attorney would make me believe that these men in fact do make a good living.

According to one respondent, “they’re almost all married, and I don’t think I have ever seen one try to hide it from me.  They will take calls from their wives while I’m there, talk to their kids, whatever.  They sometimes show me pictures of their kids while I’m getting dressed.  It’s not a big deal to them.”.

Another escort shared, “most of my out of town clients treat it (sex with a hooker) like drinking or smoking.  They know their wife doesn’t like it, so they don’t tell her.”.

I asked these women if they found these married guys to be unhappy with their wives.  Do they complain about them?  “No, just the opposite usually.  They brag about how great their marriage is” was one response I got.

Getting into the guy’s responses is a bit more of what you might expect.  “What I do on my own has nothing to do with my wife.  It’s a flaw, but it’s the only break I get sometimes.”.  Another man stated that he thinks prostitutes actually help keep his marriage going.  “My wife doesn’t feel good about herself a lot.  She thinks she is unattractive and is always down on herself.  But after my time with ******* (he named his prostitute for me), I’m able to be much better to her.”  Isn’t that sweet?  He nails hookers to help his wife deal with her insecurities.

Here’s another response I got from Craigslist, “The reason they do it because subconsciously they’ve turned their wife into their mother – this is a normal phenomenon in most couples so they can’t really have good sex with their “mothers” and more often than not the wife treats them like little boys – again, noones fault that’s just how love works – BUT men feel societal pressure to be more “manly” or to dominate someone – perhaps get out their anger or just feel “studly” – if there’s a mistress she can serve to make him feel adored and admired.”

This was a little psychobabble for my taste, so I responded asking it they were a man or woman, married or single.  The response I got was “I’m a psychotherapist”.  Interesting.

The fact is these men shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.  If we want to find a bigger cause of the problem than guys thinking with the little head, let’s look at society.  Why is it assumed that the primary mission in life for men and women is to get married and have kids?  Why do we push people who maybe should be left single, into a commitment that everyone, even themselves, knows they are not going to stick to.

Most of my married friends are in terrible marriages.  I think this can be attributed to both parties.  Men don’t really look for a compatible soulmate, they look for the hottest woman who will have them, and trade up until they get to what they consider their pinnacle.

Women look for the potential mate, instead of what is truly standing in front of them at the alter.  And then they act surprised when their husbands ditch them for some younger, prettier girl, who will now enjoy the more improved man the wife helped make.

I obviously don’t agree with M. Gary Neuman, who thinks that men’s infidelity is going to be fixed by women being more supportive.  Husbands and wives should be supportive because that’s what makes a marriage work, not to keep each other from cheating.  The fact is there is no simple answer.  I’m not going to say it’s not women’s fault, and then tell them what they should do to help prevent it.  Men and women make their own decisions in life.  The only answer is to choose wisely.  Not just your spouse, but your lifestyle.  Not everyone needs to be married.

I'm the editor of Filthy Lucre, and the CEO of USWeb. I write about things I find interesting in the financial and business space, and often gadgets. I'm an unapologetic Apple fanboy I spend most of my waking day near an iMac, iPhone or iPad. I split my time between my beach condo in Baja, and my home in Las Vegas.
 

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343 Responses to “Married Men and Prostitutes”

  1. I’ve come to this conclusion too: mot people aren’t honest about what they REALLY want in life, which causes bad marriages. Or…we need to redefine “marriage.”

    Most people are not naturally monogamous either. Again, a little self-honesty would go a long way.

    XX


  2. admin

    @Amanda – Thanks for the comment, I’m glad you agree. What percentage of clients would you say are married?

  3. In my experience, 80-90% were married. Only a handful of them talked badly about their wives. The rest felt their wife was their best friend and they’d never leave her, but they felt the “romance” was dead. (Their wives may well have thought the same thing.)

    They felt I was a safe alternative to a traditional, messy affair. And I have to agree.

    I have a dim view of marriage as it is defined by society and how it constrains people. I don’t take a dim view of the people in a marriage — even if it’s not working well.

    XX


  4. admin

    @Amanda – Thanks again for the great insight.


  5. Jon H

    Most men don’t cheat with call girls, they cheat with friends or co-workers. Men don’t have long affairs with call girls because it would cost to much.

  6. Jon,

    If you knew how many call-girls existed (plus other women like strippers who see their customers privately), you’d know how many men DO cheat with professionals. It’s a huge number. Married men support a multi-billion dollar industry.

    And yes, plenty of men have long-term affairs with professionals. Men with money, obviously. But every girl (me included) has clients who see them on a regular basis for YEARS. It’s an outside relationship — regardless of money — and this is what these men need.

    XX


  7. Jon H

    I dont think most men can afford to do this. and why would I pay for the same woman over and over when i can have different ones each time for the same price?


  8. admin

    @Jon H Thanks for the comment. I think Amanda is referring to men who can afford it and like the idea of having an affair, but not having to feel bad about it having to end quickly. It makes sense to me.


  9. admin

    @Amanda Thanks for the input on this. You’re insight is very helpful.


  10. Beth

    I just don’t understand the people that say that they got engaged because it was the next step. They felt like they had to get married or break-up, but then act surprised when they start to feel trapped and unhappy.

    I get why men would turn to an escort. No baggage. They get to see a pretty girl, chat for a bit, have sex, pay and go back to their normal life. Why do some women go to spas? To be touched, relax, feel good, pay and go back to their normal lives. Both ways are just an escape.


  11. Susan

    Men cheat with prostituts because they are pigs.


  12. Bill

    Susan, most men are not pigs. Men WHO cheat period with a prostitute or your best friend for that matter you may call a pig if you like, but such a broad statement is not appropriate.

    To quote an old proverb:

    ‘Better to live on a roof top than with a nagging wife’, or for todays modern era substitute wife with ‘significant other’ if you like.

    So a man doesn’t have to be a pig necessarily to cheat simply nagged beyond what he can deal with is a more common factor. He desires sexual relations with a woman who will accept him unconditionally even if only for an hour or so every now and then.


  13. Jay

    My husband cheated on me with whores for 6yrs of our 29 marriage he was the least likey guy you would have thought to go with sluts but he did to the point where he became a sex addict if he was’nt going with them he was thinking about it etc; he has spent thousands of pounds in those years money we never had and with 3 kids to bring up money was always tight the reason why he was using it to buy sex behind all our backs all the while playing the perfect husband/father.
    I feel a fool for not finding out sooner it has killed my self esteem, i no longer laugh, smile without a tear there somewhere, i cannot look at young girls without thinking he has been with that! he was 44 when he started this and going with girls half his age we have a daughter aged 25 yrs to think of him with girls same age as our daughter makes me sick to the core.

    He is in recovery 2 yrs now and proffesses his undying love etc; and we are still together a choice that was not easy but we have our reasons his mainly he says is love!
    Mines are mixed you never get over this huge breach of betrayal never it is always there when you wake up, when you go about your chores during the day, when you go to bed, he has no idea of the damage he has caused sex addicts do not think of anyone except themselves to think he could have done this to me while i was at home being a loyal and faithful wife for all those years is heartbreaking i try to understand the reasons he gives but they are not justified in my book why be married if you want to screw around?

    So to all you men out there who are cheating on your wife/partner please stop now you have no idea at the damage you are storing up i am still raw with hurt 2 yrs on and i think i will be till i die that is how awful this is when you love someone why cheat on them? I never ever cheated on him in 29 yrs and for me it feels like a slap in the face to my loyalty because of his behaviour so please do not cheat think of your wife/kids/partner not yourself and what you think is a need from sluts!!

    J


  14. Ed Shull

    @J Thanks for your comment. I’m sorry to hear that your husband couldn’t maintain his vows. How did you discover that this was going on? And did you ever get a straight answer from him as to why he was sleeping around with prostitutes?


  15. Bobbi

    I have been with my boyfriend (soon to be fiance) for 5 years. During our 3rd year of being together, he attempted to cheat on me with a prostitute but didn’t go all the way due to getting caught (@ least that’s what he told me). Our relationship is going fairly well for now, but I’m not sure if I can trust him enough to marry him. Do you think he can actually live a “monogamous” lifestyle forever, or am I just in denial?


  16. Ed Shull

    @Bobbi I guess anyone can change, and maybe he’ll take marriage vows more seriously than dating. But to be honest, guys decide pretty early on if they are going to be faithful or cheat.

    I’m curious, what made you stay with him when you caught him trying to hook up with a prostitute? And what makes you think that the time you caught him was the only time?


  17. Bobbi

    Some of my friends told me that I should leave him. I thought about it, especially around the time that it recently happened. I figured that leaving him wouldn’t solve his problem or take the hurt away from me, so why not try to stick it out and make it work. I had a lot to lose if I left him, and nothing to lose if I stayed. I don’t regret my decision of staying with him at all. We have gotten far together as a couple afterwards, and I sometimes wonder how my life would have been if I left him that night. Looking at where we are now, I would have been a fool, but an average person would think vise versa.

    I don’t think that was his only time with a prostitue. I think that was his first time getting caught, lol. It was the first time I knew anything about it. I believe the only way he can really be “healed” or “delivered” from this problem is if we take consuling, but he don’t want to. He feels that he is ok and that he has learned his lesson. I don’t think he’s being unfaithful right now in our relationship, but I’m worried that he will have a relapse in the future. What do you think?


  18. Bobbi

    O, and by the way, I didn’t catch him, the police did. He spent time in jail for it also. Do most men go back to that lifestyle after being punished for it?


  19. Ed Shull

    @Bobbi

    Thanks for posting. I know that’s pretty personal stuff you’re
    sharing. From reading your posts, I have a feeling I know what type
    of person you are, but I wanted to check and see if I’m right. So
    please tell me if I’m off the mark.

    I get the feeling you’re in your mid to late 20′s. I think you must
    be attractive, because unattractive girls think they know why guys
    cheat on them. I’m also going to guess that you’re from a small town
    in either the south or the midwest, and you always wanted to get out.

    I also get the feeling that you feel trapped, and whenever you think
    the right person or opportunity comes along, they end up not being
    what they said they were.

    If this accurately describes you, first let me know, I love being right.
    But then, do not marry this guy. He will be the final nail in the
    coffin.


  20. Bobbi

    That’s scary. You are pretty close to right. I don’t think I’m attractive, I know I’m attractive, lol (just playin). But for real, what do you mean he will be the final nail in the coffin?


  21. Ed Shull

    @Bobbi

    It sounds to me like you want to be married, and you’re hoping this guy will live up to what you want him to be. But I’m guessing most of the guys in your life have turned out to be not what I thought they were. This guy has already shown you who he is. Marriage is mean to be permanent, so I would think long and hard before moving forward with this guy.


  22. Tricia

    My sweet, loyal, perfect, man-of-my-dreams boyfriend cheated on me 3 times with 2 different prostitutes (that he admits to). I just had a baby and he says he was bored and no longer attracted to me after I gained weight. Our baby was only 4 mos. old when he did it. He said he also was having a hard time seeing me as a mother and watching me give birth. He never gave any indication he was this unhappy. I’m crushed, all my dreams are dead and I can’t stop sobbing. We are in counseling, but I am so scared he will do this again. He confessed he saw hookers before he met me, during and after his divorce from his ex-wife. They didn’t have kids. He said he never cheated on her, that I was the lucky one who got to go through that. He also claimed he did look at hookers on the internet the whole time we were together but never acting on it. If I didn’t have this baby I would throw him out and call his mother and let her know what happened and to leave the door open because he’s on his way. I don’t know if I can forgive him, I’ve broken up with boyfriends before for indiscretions that were less harmful than this. I promised myself I would never stay with someone who cheats on me but here I am. Every time I want to end it, I see a pair of sparkling blue eyes looking up at me and coo-ing. Then I think to myself that I owe it to her to try once. Then one day I can tell her that I tried to reconcile with her father and didn’t just think of myself, that I thought of her. I can’t deal with this, forgive this or know what to do about it without the counseling. It’s couple’s counseling, and he is also going on his own. He has been remorseful, saying since this happened he realizes how much he loves me and how badly he wants to stay with me. He stopped bringing his laptop home from work (he used to be online late at night while I slept), gets up earlier and comes home sooner to spend more time with me, is being very attentive towards me, like he was when we first dated. Its been about five weeks since I found out and less than a week after that is when the counseling started. He also says he is sorry a lot which he usually doesn’t do. He’s not an apologetic person. He calls me on his lunch breaks or meets me for lunch so that I know his no longer using that time to screw a whore. These women do not just have sex for a living, they ruin lives for a living. Some days I think I could just lay down on the floor and die. That my heart could just bleed out from sorrow. It was a stupid, shallow, selfish thing that he did. It’s not like I got fat on purpose, and that I wasn’t going to want to loose it. I mean come on she was a 4mo. old, and born in January. Not like I could start jogging with a newborn in blistering cold. I asked him if he was just that kind of guy that needs new tail every now and then and he said no. What happens when I’m aging? Is he off to the hooker again. I was totally loyal, completely in love and SO happy. Now here I am.


  23. Ed Shull

    @Tricia First off, it’s crazy to blame yourself at all. Saying that you need to jog the weight off so you don’t have to worry about your husband cheating, is crazy.

    I’m curious, how did he get caught?


  24. Tricia

    First, I’m sorry this is so long but its really helping me to vent. Thank you for understanding.

    I know, I don’t blame myself. I had a baby for crying out loud. I didn’t deserve this. I just meant to say that cheating on someone and saying that part of the reason was that they lost attraction when you gained weight is bad enough— but because weight from giving birth to their child is just despicable. Especially since she was only 4mos. old!! Anyways…

    He had been acting distant and grumpy for a while. He stopped coming to bed with me, sometimes coming late at night after I was asleep and sometimes falling asleep on the couch. I didn’t like it and made it clear but he wouldn’t stop. I knew he was downloading a lot of porn too but that isn’t a big deal to me. I thought he was just getting his rocks off to porn. He never wanted to have sex, I tried. This situation didn’t happen over night, it was gradual. He said a few times he felt depressed. One weekend he went out of town with his playboy of a brother and I had a bad feeling about it. When he called me to see how I was less than 24hrs. after he left, I felt bad for suspecting anything. When he came home I checked his bag for condoms. I don’t know why, I thought I was crazy, esp. because I didn’t find any. Three weeks later I decided to check his computer, again criticizing myself for being a psycho girlfriend. I was shaken to the core to find a folder with explicit photos of himself. I checked his blackberry and found an email from a hook-up site. I went there, registered and found his profile. As soon as he got home I confronted him, displayed anger I didn’t know I was capable of. I told him to leave, many times. I tried to throw him out but he wouldn’t go. He loved me and wanted to work it out. I said ok, then you will come to bed, you will not be online, you will get off that site now, and you will spend more time with me. Also I insisted on counseling because I knew I couldn’t attempt to get over this and forgive without it. My reaction was to break up. I also demanded to read the web mail inside that website. He was actually planning on meeting one, and dishing out compliments all over. Really nice considering he hasn’t said a complimentary word or an I love you in I don’t know how long. So we went to counseling. He’s been really trying– really. We started going on dates and having sex again. I couldn’t shake the urge to not keep looking on his computer though. A month after this all happened too. So I found he was looking at an escort site, and thought he was just looking at sluts pics. I decided to wait and bring it up in our session. Two days later all of a sudden there is a password on his computer where before it was unlocked. That sent me off the deep end. I demanded to look. I demanded to have all his passwords. I found nothing… until I discovered he didn’t delete his sent items. He freaked out, shaking and just a mess. After a lot of struggle, he finally confessed that he slept with someone on that trip. Then finally told me it was a prostitute. Then finally told me there were 2 other occasions in town on his lunch break. All the emails I saw were dated from before we started counseling. There is nothing since then. He now is no longer bringing the computer home at all, and has been showering me with attention. He said he was so afraid I would leave that he couldn’t tell me it was more than what I first found. I’ve been cheated on now by 4 men, and this is not flying with me. I would rather be alone, but I do love him and this hit me with no warning, seeming out of character for him. There’s also the fact that we have a baby, and although he didn’t consider her when he decided to go see a whore, I will never stop considering her.


  25. Tricia

    I should also tell you that he is 36 and I just turned 33. We aren’t kids.


  26. Ed Shull

    @Tricia It sounds like you’re giving your husband a crash course in computer security. Most guys know they should be having a separate webmail account for this stuff, and then use Private Browsing on their machines. But, fortunately for you, he had his incriminating email go directly to his Blackberry!

    Do you view him not bringing his laptop home as a good thing, because he doesn’t stay up all night looking at porn and hookers, or a bad thing because now you can’t see what he’s up to?

    And I agree, you should not feel guilty about baby weight 4 months after. And I also agree that he wasn’t putting his family first when he decided to pay for sex. I imagine that with a newborn, you have better uses for that money in your family.

    I don’t have a problem with prostitutes, or guys seeing them. If a guy is single and can afford it, why not? But when you’re married with a child, it’s time to stop that type of behavior. And I think you pointed out the exact reason; he took something from you. The attention you needed during an important time, he gave to others. I’m sure you’re aware of your additional weight, and could use a compliment to let you know you’re still attractive. But instead he compliments other women.

    It’s good counseling is working. I’m not usually a big believer in it, but I’m sure it does work for some couples. Having a baby is stressful on everyone, and maybe he was just feeing a little trapped and panicked. Has he given any reason in counseling for his actions, beyond your weight?


  27. Tricia

    He had 3 email accounts, and I asked to see all 3. I think he consented because he thought he deleted everything, just forgot to delete the sent items in that one account. I know how to look on a computer for things, and so does he. We both work in IT!

    Reasons he gave: Boredom with me, boredom with sex, he got used to not having sex with me in the latter stages of pregnancy and recovery from birth(It took me 8 weeks to heal). He wasn’t attracted to me when I gained weight, thought that he fell out of love with me, but says he must have been crazy to think that. He said seeing the birth was a little traumatic and he had a hard time feeling sexual with me when I was taking care of the baby. He wondered if this existence of planning life around feedings and naps was all there was for him. We didn’t go out much of course when she was born. He thought that he would be trapped in this pattern forever. Does he think I didn’t have those same feelings? He never once said he was unhappy or feeling any of these things. He would still hug me and call me cutesy names etc. I thought this was all normal after the birth of a baby. I have friends who said they went through this, and its a lot of stress on their relationships but none of them resorted to going to a hooker.

    Re the laptop, yes I am glad he’s not bringing it home. All the emails and web history indicated he was doing this at home based on the date and time stamps. He can’t really do much while he’s at work so this at least limits him. He and I are connected via IM all day while we work too so I know when he’s there. He deleted 2 of the 3 email accounts, and I know this because he told me and because I got delivery failures when I tested them after. I have the password to his other account. Could he open more in secret? Of course. Could he email them still, yes of course he could. I can think of so many ways he could get away with it again, but what can I do?


  28. Tricia

    I should add that I told him I didn’t want him to bring the laptop home anymore. He is doing that to show me he wants to do what it takes to make me trust again.


  29. Ed Shull

    @Tricia Maybe it’s just a simple case of freaking out over having to grow up.

    I wouldn’t worry about what else you do to see if he is still seeing prostitutes. If he wants to get away with it, I’m sure he will the next time. I’m sure he would think twice about giving a hooker his email address that goes directly to his Blackberry again.

    And the fact is, if you have to worry about this stuff, there isn’t much of a marriage left. You’re either going to have to trust him, or end it.

    I heard a radio shrink once say something I thought was pretty cool. When someone called in about not being able to trust their wife, the shrink told him he either needs to learn to trust her quickly, or he’s going to ruin the marriage. He then disclosed that he trusts his wife so much, that if he found evidence of her having an affair, he would believe just about excuse she gave him, because he trust her #1 not to cheat, and #2 to be honest with him if she ever did. He went on to say that if she admitted it, it would turn his entire life upside down, that it would be on par with finding out aliens landed on his lawn. He said she has the ability to damage him beyond repair, and that’s love. And I guess that’s why he has been married for over 20 years, and most people don’t get past the first 5.


  30. Tricia

    Thanks for your thoughts. Yeah its like he just went crazy, totally not on par with the kind of person I thought he was. I definitely need the counseling too, I can’t get over this on my own, its bigger than me. Thanks again.


  31. Louise

    I found out this year that my husband of 20 years, life partner and father to two fantastic sons has been using tarts for 2 years – the reason – he wanted a change…he likens the experience to being fed up with Spaghetti and occasionally wanting Meatballs…I found out by accident-seeing a text on his phone from one of the tarts that thought her baby was his. He confessed to about 12 over 2 years. I forgave him, we talked, and talked and I thought I had the truth……..then I find out that one of his tarts is in fact a regular….and obviously ticked all of his boxes. He denies any feeling for her other than she is a business arrangement and a convenient one whose mobile number he kept on his phone. She, became a once a week habit – sometimes for 2 hours, and occasionally got to f**k her 3 times in that 2 hours.In that time, over the months she was asking him to marry her, to go out to dinner with her, and lend her money. He only stopped because I found another text from her – 2 months after I had got the initial confession about the other 12…he said it would never happen again and that I was all he needed. Our sex life started again, I thought it was good…it was for me…5 months later, I found out – he was a bit drunk after work one day, was due to be staying in town, was a bit bored, so again, he called her, (having to go through old on line phone bills) he met her, she was delighted… he paid her and away once more to deceit and betrayal – dont think the sex was so good though this time, probabaly more due to drink and drugs than a conscience. He was dissapointed in himself, but, obviously not too much so….now, here I am…heart freshly broken, brain rescrewed up, moral and self esteem on the floor. The pain is so so so excrutiating it pervades my every waking moment – the hurt is off the scale, why why why??? I am still a slim trim sexy person who is not afraid to commit, connect and love with a passion both mentally and physically and my husband is my life. I am so jealous of this woman as all I ever wanted and hoped for is that it would be my phone number he would call when he was feling lonely, needy or just plain horny…..but, here I am, broken, desperate and hoping again that this time he means it -in that he wont call her again – unless he is REALLY drunk-in which case he admits he may not be able to resist ….feel free to tell me what I am, I know already, but hey everyone just write it down, and then one day -the other side of Christmas when I have done the family duty bit, I will end my life and then he will be able to have her as often as he likes . I am sure, as well, that my jewellery and engagement ring will look beautiful on a slim blonde Brazilian wrist and finger………


  32. Ed Shull

    @Louise Clearly ending your life because he can’t keep his dick in his pants is not the answer. That’s one step worse than ending his life. You have done all that can be expected. You forgave him the first time, you even seem to have forgiven him the second time. But it seems that he has made the decision that your feelings don’t matter more than quick cures for boredom and horniness.

    On a side note, I have to say that your husband sounds like a real loser. If a guy is going to sleep with prostitutes, why would he be having conversations about marriage with her? That’s why you get hookers instead of girlfriends. It sounds like he’s too stupid to even properly use a hooker. You can do much better.

    So maybe it’s time you start looking for other options. You have the advantage of being a sexy woman, which means you don’t have to pay for sex, you can get it whenever you want it. I know that you’re not looking for sex, but I’m betting what you are looking for is someone who wants you.

    So before you go through some dramatic actions like offing yourself, why not try seeing what else is out there? Post a personals ad somewhere and see what happens. I’m betting you can find someone who is looking for someone to connect with. You don’t have to meet in person, just chat online a bit.

    I know people will read this and think that two wrongs don’t make a right, but we’re talking about a guy who doesn’t seem to care about anyone but himself, and a women who not only deserves more, but needs more. So screw it, find someone better than this asshole.

    Just out of curiosity, did he say where he is meeting these women, and what he is paying? Because it doesn’t sound like these are actual pros, more just (like you said) tarts or sluts.


  33. Louise

    Hi and thanks for your response.
    I am aware the tone of my post was probably hard to read and it is not that I have not thought about being able to go out there and connect with someone else, its purely because I have no desire to even want another man like I want my husband. I suppose there are millions of people who have been in my position and everyone has their own way of getting trhough the pain. It is a pain of utter rejection and after 20 years of entire devotion to my husband, I simply cannot see a future without him. Being with anyone else would feel hollow and dishonest. I guess I am just a rather old fashioned person……..it would be me that feels the failure and the cheat for losing my faith in my husband. I have given him chances, and yes, in the cold light of day, he has made a decision to cheat again. He tells me that he only ever thinks about doing it when he is drunk-and that entertaining clients and getting drunk-is part of his job….I KNOW of course that one could argue that it is his decsion to drink…..we had agreed a strategy to manage this in a practical way, and that would be for me to physically go to him, if he was out with his clients entertaining, so that, if he did end up being drunk and therefore irresponsible and uninhibited, I would “rescue” him…….much as this may “work” on occasions, it would only be the occasions when he wants me to help him……I know, one day, be it next week, next month or next year, I will be faced with the truth that that he has again, slipped through the net and taken advantage of a situation in an ungarded moment when he feels (for whatever reason, best known only to himself) that he needs a quick, paid for sex session……..he feels strongly, that what I dont know, cannot hurt me………as experience has shown me, I will find out,be it then, or later, but, that I will find out……..
    It is this thought that is like waiting for an axe to fall. My heart and soul cannot bear the prospect again…my hopes were high until a week ago, but now, as much as I am actually trying to be positive, I know already that my husband is resenting the fact that he is under scrutiny and may find it quite a challenge to deceive me – so apparently easily-again.
    As far as the marriage question goes, my husband was asked by the tart to marry her, to keep her in the country……he said he didnt take it seriously though…….she also asked for money up front, in lieu of future sex sessions…he says he did not do this.
    She was obviously-and still is-a prostitute, the difference being, she HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, AS HE DID WITH HER…….I do appreciate it wasnt a passionate love affair,: my husband feels vindicated in this respect as he says he does not feel he has been unfaithful to me, as he never loved her……..or any of the other 12 tarts he screwed.
    However, it is obvious, that he developed a degree of intimacy with her, even if only based on regular and easy contact. At one point she would join him in his hotel, and routinely take Baths, chil out, eat a good meal and drink Champagne, as just part of her week.
    I gather between sex, they both developed a little routine where he would relax and watch TV whilst she bathed (occ joining her in the bath) and then have round 2 of sex usually after a reviving Viagra tablet…..I even joked once, and said why didnt she get the travel iron out and do his shirts, or pop the hoover round the room!!
    So, yes, this girl was a tart, my husband said he felt the paying of money to her, was a key part of the evening…….he felt he then had a right to her, and owed her nothing else (like love, affection etc)
    He denies ever having not paid her………
    The one thing I just found out last week was that he does actually have her address, so I guess now that I have to contend with the possibility that he could call on her at any time for a quick fix? Hence, I do not only have to be vigilant in the evenings when typically he may meet his tart in a hotel, but also that he could go round to her home……….no evidence I suppose to incriminate him, and, unless I had him electronically tagged, I would not find out -immediately anyway.
    He initially met this girl in a lap dance club, but, when he became a regular, phone numbers were swapped and he then only had to pay her directly, and was also convenient and immediate to access.

    So, I suppose I am in control of my own destiny….and I cannot contemplate any more of this hurt……I would rather be dead than deceived.
    I would rather my children did not have to witness my demise, but surely, anything is better than seeing me fall apart mentally and physically over the long term, than just have to contend with the immediate shock of my death. I know how pathetic this is, but my boys are now 18 and 20 years old………they are now functioning adults in many ways and they are strong and resourceful people. They will know how I SO LOVED THEM……that is all they need to know and when I do die, I will be leaving them a full and loving explaination of why I have decided to go.
    I dont know the answer, I have thought about it over the past 8 miserable months…..I do not feel worthy anymore, I would have to live with the shame of losing my husband to a whore, who, it seems he cannot continue through life without, whether she is a paid tart or indeed as I suspect – is a more significant addiction? Prehaps he does love her, prehaps he wants a family with her? Prehaps he will move abroad with her after I leave………I love him so much, that even acknowledging this possibility, I do want him to enjoy his life and move on. If my dying is a relief to him and brings him some peace of mind freeing him up to persue his desires, then, for me, it will have been a decent-if final-thing for me to do.


  34. Tricia

    Please get counseling as fast as you can. You’ve been traumatized and you need to get help for yourself. After 20yrs of marriage it must feel like he’s taken your life from you and now is just throwing it away. I would like to see someone in your position divorce him for all he’s worth and make sure everyone knows why, including family, and get yourself some counseling asap. But I can’t tell you to do that because I don’t know you. Suicide is an easy way out of pain for the person doing it only, it brings permanent scars to everyone else. Don’t do that to your kids. Please Please call a counselor, and make that looser you married pay for it.


  35. Louise

    You are kind, and it helps a little to read your response. I have seen a counsellor, infact two..nobody but me, can help me. No one but me, has to be in my head and feel the pain 24/7.

    Pills can numb me for a while, talking to a friend can help – but the sadness and pain descends and devours me.

    I am cursed wuth an ability to be sensitive and I have given my heart fully..the reality is that even if he never looks at another whore again – and that is a huge IF-because of course he will – he will then resent me.

    Resentment is a breeding ground for many miseries. He will want to punish me somehow,

    The sex with my husband has been great for me, but, I am kidding myself if I think or try and beleive it is me that he wants to be in bed with…..After the first rush of sex following the finding out, it has again dwindled and it israther sad efforts to arouse him. It is me that has to persuade him and seduce him. He has rarely initiated making love with me….I often feel he is doing me a favour by just being in bed with me…..such is his distaste for me physically. I am not a 20 something latino Blonde – just a well preserved 48 year old who has taken to wearing skimpy lingerie – he is no doubt laughing silently at me. I cannot be what he now wants, nor will I ever be. End of – except now, he knows where to go to get his fix. He admits the first time or two with a whore was a little much for his conscience and moral beleif-but then it was easy, and a real treat he felt he owed himself – this is the sad truth, and nothing will ever change until I make it change. I have chosen my path, and it is this that is now making me feel positive for the first time in many many months. I am looking forward to getting out of the prison of misery I have created by my intolerance of my husband, and of allowing myself to become so obviously repugnant to him – and I didnt even realise for 2 years! So, I am a fool as well……Of course I feel the biggest regret ever at leaving my boys, but I do feel my job is done. I could hurt them even more by staying, that is the truth.


  36. emma

    On monday my world too was shaken to the core when I picked up my husbands laptop (he had left it sitting on the couch while he went to pick up some take away for dinner) and decided to check my mail while I was waiting for him to come back. Typing something into the search engine, some previous searches came up for escorts/massage places in Melbourne… (we live in Sydney and he goes to Melbourne all the time for work). The shock/nausea was overwhelming.

    Yesterday I spent the day searching the net for answers/help and found this site. All the responses have had me in tears and have resonated heavily with me. I also have two boys and the youngest is 4 months old. If it were not for these two lovely little people I would have left yesterday. So do I sacrifice my own happiness for theirs? It is a very difficult decision and as Tricia said, a decision that is much bigger than me and one that I think I will need help making.

    When I confronted him about it he immediately tried to place the blame on me… and also denied actually going through with it. He claims he was just thinking about it. The fact that there were a number of searches makes me question whether he is telling the truth. It is also impossible for me to prove whether or not he went through with it and he knows that. Later, he apologised and said that he would take responsibility for his behaviour but that I had to accept responsibility for the circumstances that led him to behave in this way. This made me very angry and extremely sad. I may not initiate sex as much as I did before we had children but I certainly have only ever once knocked him back once, (that I can recall), he has however knocked me back more times than I can count. Last time I tried to kiss him (passionately) he laughed at me and asked what I was doing? The pain of rejection and embarassment was excruciating. The pain of finding out about his betrayal though, I would almost describe it as physical it hurts so much.

    Thank you Ed for giving us a voice. I am not sure what else to do/say/feel at the moment but to Louise please be strong for your boys. I couldn’t not write after hearing your story and want you to know that my heart breaks for you and the pain that you are feeling.


  37. Ed Shull

    Emma and Louise – I can’t help but notice how similar you both feel about this. You both seem to think there is something wrong with you that makes your husband behave this way. As a guy, and not exactly a sensitive guy either, I have to say that you are placing the blame in the wrong place.

    I know you don’t even want to call it “blame”, but you’re taking on the responsibility for someone who is behaving like an ass. Your husbands are not cheating because you’re not attractive, or because they deserve it. They are cheating because they are too full of themselves to think about anyone else.

    Let’s look at this in the cold hard light, these guys are losers. They are not cheating on you with a beautiful woman who loves them. They have to pay someone to screw around with them. And Louise, your husband seems to think it’s something to be proud off. He should be sickened with shame for his behavior. He has a wife and children, he should be putting them above his drunken need for fun.

    I’m not a saint, and I don’t know either of you. You could both be crazy banshees who are driving your husband nuts (see, not very sensitive), but in that case, he should just get a divorce. But it seems more likely that you are both loving wives who are trying to figure out what you can do to make him be happy with just you. And your husbands are seriously flawed for taking advantage of that.

    I’ll let you in a guy secret. We know that men age differently than women. It gives us some comfort, and a little guilt. I think all guys must know that they almost have the opportunity for a sort of second life. They can get married when they’re in their 20′s, raise a couple kids, and then in their 40′s, look for something younger, hotter, and with no kids. I can’t help but think that every married man thinks this way. I’m 37, and I have never been married. I don’t think I will ever get married. But if I did, it would be for good. It would be when I decided that I’m going to grow up, and grow old with my partner.

    Your husbands are flawed, and in the end, wether they know it or not, they are the ones taking the risk of being alone. Unless they have enough cash to keep the hooker happy for the rest of their lives.

    My suggestion, and keep in mind that I’m not all that good at relationships, but my advice would be to take action. Don’t think crazy thoughts like hurting yourself, just walk out on his ass. I don’t mean some drama where you pack in front of him and cry, I mean really look for another place to live, and consult with an attorney. It’s not a bluff. If he is unwilling to respect you, find someone who will. I promise you that you are far more likely to end up back with your husband (with mutual respect) than a divorce court.

    The simple fact is that your husbands are walking over you because they think they can. Show them they can’t.

    One more thing for each of you. Emma, Aussie accents are hot, so if you leave your husband you should come to the U.S. We go crazy for the accent here.

    Louise, as much of a dick as I think your husband is, and as much as I think you need to get him to respect you, I promise he is not laughing at you in your lingerie. Believe it or not, I’m certain he appreciates it. Try being very subtle with the lingerie, don’t make an event of it, just have it on under our clothes. Subtle works better with longer relationships. Again, just a tip from a clueless guy. :)


  38. emma

    Well, thanks Ed! I thought long and hard after reading your response and decided that I didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with me. I was pretty frightened as I am totally dependant financially on my husband and have two kids to think about but your advice was excellent. I saw a lawyer and found out about custody of the kids/financial support/the house and I came home feeling quite confident about the future and sat down and confronted my husband (again). Well, it didn’t take very long for him to change his tune. When faced with losing his wife, children, the eventual public knowledge of his infidelity and the house he was devastated. I think he was quite shocked that I was prepared to leave him, I don’t think he thought I had it in me. I have decided to give him another chance and will just have to trust that he is telling me the truth when he is away for work. I don’t want to police his every move and it is not possible anyway.

    Thanks again Ed. Let me know if you ever make it down to Australia, I can set you up with some girls!


  39. Ed Shull

    Emma – I’m very glad to hear that you will be working it on with your husband on reasonable term. Even if that means denying the U.S. of one more Aussie hottie.

    People often talk about the strength it takes to make a marriage work. I think you showed a lot of strength in handling this situation. Congratulations and good luck.

    And I’ll be sure to let you know when I head down. Just so you know my type, I had a real thing for Olivia Newton-John. :)


  40. Louise

    Hi Emma and Ed
    It is me, Louise again….Thankyou both for your comments, I really really appreciate them. The relection time I have had has been very enlightening for me as I have had time to reflect on how completely stupid my initial reaction has been as far as wanting to end my life over this (big)problem. I sat down with my boys and we talked about life, and the family, and my husband, and both my boys are obviously affected by what has happened (they dont know all the details, but enough)When I told them that I had had enough they just put their arms around me and told me how mad they thought their father was….I feel dreadful that I have been so self obsessed about this, and I had not thought through how my boys would feel if I wasnt there anymore-just because of my own neediness and dispair.
    I have seen another counsellor who seems to make sense (when the previous ones didnt-or prehaps I was just not in the right place at the time?)
    I have seen her twice now, and admit I feel a bit more positive. I have also seen photos of the other woman….I found them on my husbands phone…she is really not much to talk about-although that doesnt actually matter as she rings my husbands bell and I dont, so its irrelevant – however it does make me feel a little bit better that she is completely different to me, as if she was similar it would seem worse?? I cant explain why…..
    BUT it has made me see this sad situation for what it is, and Ed, I am just beggining to see it is not about me or my failings or in fact anything to do with what I am or not………it is my husbands choice, and I cannot make him respect me. To try would be wrong and actually useless as it wouldnt work-he either does respect me or not, and he does not…..I am beggining to see it is his loss.
    So whatever happens, and I am going to be around a while yet I hope, if he chooses to end our 20 year marriage over a tart, then he will lose out,
    I have made an appointment to see a lawyer next week and am in the process of gathering documentation of husbands earning/our savings etc and our assetts.
    I feel it will not be a clean fight but I do feel energised now and positive…….I am, though, terrified!
    Whatever, I just want to thank you for your kind and empathetic words of advice and consolation.
    Sorry Ed, I am not an Aussie! Just an English Lady!!
    Good luck Emma to you-better you sort it out now than find out you are being deceived in 20 years time – my feeling is once a liar always a liar and a bit like a dog that has learnt to bite, I feel my huwsband will always be capable of lying and deceiving me – now I feel I can start again and if am on my own, it is NOT the end of the world – infact I think I may prefer it!!
    Thankyou again and my love to you – Louise xxxxx


  41. Ed Shull

    @Louise I’m glad you decided to take some action, and I’m glad you have your sons to lean on. I know that it’s a cliche to say it’s his loss, but obviously if he rather be with a woman he has to pay to be with him, clearly loss doesn’t even big to describe it. He’s a loser.

    Good luck, and take him to the cleaners enough to set yourself up on the life you deserve.

    And English accents are just as sexy to us Americans as Aussie. )


  42. tyler

    I have been married to my wife for 4 months now, and we have a baby. I love my wife more than anyting in the world. But i think that i am addicted to sex. I constantly cruise the internet looking for hookers, and have commited to them twice. I also believe that i am addicted to calling them. After my second time with an escort i vowed to never cheat again. And i have kept that vow. It has been almost a year. But i still call them all the time and look for them on the internet. I feel so guilty for that. My wife caught me doing it to. I had called one, got her voicemail, and she called back when i left my phone in another room and mmy wife answered. I was caught. The really sad thing is that i had no intention of wanting to meet her. That is the truth. But that doesnt matter, becuase even calling her is betraying my wife and might as well be cheating. My wife was devestated, obviously, and she still hurts, even though she says she is over it. I dont believe her. I love her so much, and want to not hurt her anymore. I need help. I still call them, and look for them, but i dont act on it, its an impulse i cant control. I feel so terrible. I am also a reservest, and was sent to Iraq, been here for a couple weeks now, and what do i do, look up hookers on craigslist. My heart aches for all the wives and girlfriends that put up postings on here, because that is how my wife must feel. I hate myself. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I dont know what to do. I someone reads all of this and can give me a little insight. Thank you.


  43. Ed Shull

    @Tyler Thank you for commenting, this is an interesting point.

    It’s hard to imagine that anyone could read what you just wrote and claim that this is not some for of addiction. The fact that you go through the motions, without the intention of following through is very telling. It sounds like it’s the excitement that you’re looking for.

    And as we all know, wanting is far more powerful than having. Guys in relationships often find sex with prostitutes unfulfilling. These men are used to warm, active partners who will willingly do whatever the man wants, and usually without a condom. Where as prostitutes are often cold, clock watching, and distant. Everything is artificial, and it’s a turn off for a lot of guys. Does that sounds like how you feel?

    I hate to ask a bunch of questions, but I’m curious about a couple things. First, is there a certain type of prostitute you look for? A certain look, hair color, age, etc…

    Second, the times that you did follow through and have sex with a prostitute, how did you feel afterwards?


  44. tyler

    I do believe you are right about the excitement. When i did actually meet them, it was like a rush. I was afraid of getting caught, i was excited about the unknown, and thought it was a thrill. I didnt really look for any specific qualites, just attractiveness. They werent even really that good looking. While i was with them, I could only think about my wife, I actually fantasized i was having sex with her. When i got done, i immediately took a shower, and went straight home to be with my wife. I couldnt look her in the eys. She knew something was off. But never suspected that. I felt so horrible. And i did it again. The pain was to unbearable. I have been in iraq for a little while now, and been away from my wife for even longer while training. Since i have been gone i have had the opportunity to have sex with a girl in my unit. I basically walked away, and try to avoid her as much as i can. So to tell you how i feel, like sucm, like im not worthy to talk to my wife, let alone call her my wife. Im trying to find answers. I dont want to ever hurt her again. I am thinking about getting some counseling while im here, i want to see if i can resolve this. I know i must have some issues. Its always something deeper than what is actually going on. Maybe my obsession with looking them up and calling has nothing to do with why i do it. Maybe im bothered by something that happened in the past and this is the way i express it. I dont know. Maybe im just an asshole that treats his wife like shit by calling these people.


  45. Dee

    Dear Ed,
    I just came across your website. I too am a betrayed wife. My husband of over 20 years has seen hookers for the past 10 years. It started with massage palors, then internet porn to “picking and clicking” hookers on line. I had no idea. I found some phones numbers with names and prices on it. Then found a cash withdraw slip for a large amount of money. But the following day he said he had no cash. The reason I never knew for 10 years is because he did it on his way home from work. He would set appointments up at 4:00 PM and leave work early and be home for dinner by 5:30 PM and never missed a dinner.I found cell phone records that showed he called me before he went into the hooker’s apartment and called me back when he left saying he was still at work. How would any wife really know what her husband does during his whole work day? A cheating husband has NO honor!

    He never even took a shower after being with a hooker. He said they always used condoms with them but not with me. The gift I got was gential herpes for the rest of my life. He said the internet made it so easy to get a hooker close to his work. Most of the men at his job go to strip clubs during lunch and get oral sex from the strippers. Wonder why so many people get Herpes?

    I blame both the cheating husbands and the hookers. Lucky for me both were arrested. He needed a lawyer and lost his job and she got a small fine and changed her name and pictures on the internet and is still hooking to this day. I would scrub toilets before I would sell my body to a stranger for money. It’s pathetic, and so degrading for a woman.

    The cheating husbands will never feel the deep pain to what they have done to their wives. The loss of respect as a husband and a father. The hurt never goes away. Even with years of counseling my heart is BLACK. Not a day goes by that I don’t picture him a $275.00 hooker. For less then an hour he ruined my life. If they want to cheat with hookers than don’t get married and have children with someone.

    Once you confront the cheating husband who pays for sex and his sick life style is uncovered the BEST revenge for a betrayed wife is
    to stay married…….
    he will end up paying you with the shame and guilt on his face for the rest of his life for what he put you and your children through.


  46. Ed Shull

    @Dee Thanks for your comment, I appreciate that this must be an easy thing to rehash. I assume you left your husband then?

    One thing I found interesting was that he would schedule his “meetings” between 4 and 5, which would get him home in time, so as to not arise any suspicion. Did he ever deviate from that schedule?

    You describe a slow descent into this lifestyle that had its roots in online porn. Did he increase the times he met with the prostitute? Was it multiple prostitutes, or just the one you know of?


  47. Dee

    Hello Ed,

    And thank you for your response. To answer your first question, NO I did not leave him. After 20 years of being faithful to him and two beautiful children ( one almost 18 and the other 12 ) I wasn’t going to let a pathethic cheating loser and a poor excuse for a woman bring down my life without a fight. The hookers think ALL wives are stupid…..just like he found hookers on the internet, we can use that same information as proof to confront the cheating husband about the truth.

    No, he never deviated from his appointment times. That’s how come I never found out. Until he got sloppy with his “call” list. Yes, always a different hooker. Never the same one twice. All he looked for was the cheapest one and the one closest to his work location. He said how they all must go to the same “school”, they all act the same.
    They lie about there ages and use pictures from when they were years younger. He said they all looked older and used up.

    For the record for ALL the betrayed wives out there…the details of what they get for their cash is mechanical sex enough to get the job done and get rid of him. All the hooker’s want is the $money$! He said in counseling he could have done a better job by himself or bought a new pair of shoes.

    When he went to that first hooker and broke our wedding vows he lost me forever. I have to stop blaming myself for not finding out something that was covered up so well. Like I stated before the BEST revenge is to stay married….I still have my beautiful house and children in private schools. He even bought me diamonds and a new car to help me forget. We graduated from counseling and no one even knows what he did to me. But I know and I hate him for it! He knows I only stayed with him because of the children. And someday he’ll know just how it feels to be lied to for years…..because I have my own “emotional” affair with men on line for over a year. It’s the only thing that keeps me going to know someday I can tell him how I lied to him for years. So he can feel the same deep hurt and pain that I did.

    So just like him I hide my other life with him not have a clue what’s going on during the day. An eye for an eye! Marriage meant nothing to him and now it means nothing to me. Now, who is getting “screwed”.

    Ed, it might sound harsh what I have said and people might say I’m no better than him. All I can say it’s my turn now! I’ve PAID my dues.


  48. Louise

    Hi Dee
    I am a little envious that you are able to play “the long game” in this way, and it is something I have considered doing (my Husband, too, has had a series of whores over the past 2 years – I have posted previously if you want to read)
    However, what you are doing is so energy consuming and emotionally tiring that it would be too much for me!
    I have weighed up my options and I am going to divorce him – publicly – which I know will be ultra embarassing for him, but I have the support of my children in this.
    I just wonder what the emotional toll is doing to you – but good luck to you and I hope it gets you where you feel you need to be.
    L x


  49. Dee

    Hello Louise,

    I’m waiting to see what Ed has to say too? Thanks for not judging me.
    You know the deep hurt that our cheating husbands have brought to us.
    I have chosen this path of revenge to help me feel better as a woman.
    He took my feelings of love and caring away when he called the first
    whore from the internet. (I’m so glad Ed let’s us call them what they are!) They think they are doing us a favor servicing our husbands and spreading STD’s. Let’s get one thing straight I blame the cheating husbands and the hookers both 100%. The only time he took off his wedding ring was when he went to a hooker…….like she even cared and God couldn’t see.

    My revenge is ONLY a “emotional” one not a “phyiscal” one. I have never even met the men I have become friends with in over a year. It’s nice to have another man’s point of view. One has used hookers before he was married. The other would never be so pathetic to pay a woman to have sex with him, there are so many that will give it for free. My husband thinks he did me a favor buy going to hookers. He said I never had a long term relationship with another woman. That’s because he doesn’t know who to have a relationship with anyone!

    I wish he would have and left me instead of taking all those years of my life away from me. I can’t look at anything we had together the same…wondering was he with a hooker before our child’s birthday party or one of our anniversaries. I did check all his cell phone records (had them all print out) I know every hooker he called.

    My first question I asked him when I confronted him with all the evidence I had gathered within hours of finding the phone number, name and location along with nude pictures on her website was “Do you love her?” He laughed out loud and said “No!” See, I thought you would have to have some feelings for someone to be so intimate with. I think they call it “renting a hole”. Pretty sick. The hookers I believe give oral sex without a condom first. He said they use a condom but I don’t believe it. Gential herpes can be spread by skin to skin contact also. But no one talks about that.

    We were both tested for HIV. It was negative. If I would have been giving a “death sentence” with HIV from him seeing hookers…well I won’t say here what I would have done. Think of how many men each of the hookers have had sex with? Now multiply that by how many hookers he has done…..pretty sickening. They want to be called “escorts” what a joke!)I’m sure eveyone saw Gov. Spitzer’s escort(whore)on TV saying “I wish I could tell HIS wife I’m sorry.”

    This is why the wives of these cheating husbands need to find out what is really going on at business lunches and trips with the guys!
    My feeling is if they want to pay for sex with a “rented hole” then just don’t come home and in get in my bed! And don’t threaten my health and life. The real question is who would raise my children if I died because of the spread of HIV. This is a wake up for wives not to be so trusting with our relationships.

    So to answer your question….yes it does consume alot of energy to have an “emotional” relationship with a secret someone but the benefits out weigh the energy spent. I have found a true friendship and that is the only time I have been able to laugh or smile since my cheating husband’s lifestyle was revealed to me.

    When I decide the time is right and I want to leave I will do it on my terms not on his. And the shock to him will be even greater than it was to me. I want him to know how it feels to be lied to for years and not have a clue about it. And I will never set eyes on him again.

    Did I also mention after finding out out his hookers I found a secret bank account with a half a million dollars in it just for him. Well, the best day of my life was when we went to the bank to have my name put on the account becuase he was so sorry he hurt me. And I told the bank manager to write me a check in my name only for $10,000.00 dollars. She looked at him and he just nodded his head yes.I gave the money to another kind of DOG….the Humane Society.

    So my “revenge” is to stay married to a man I loathe ….and he doesn’t even know it!

    Thanks for listening…


  50. Louise

    Dee
    You are actually incredibly brave, and I would not judge you for a moment……..I KNOW this pain, it is hideous…….and completely understimated by anyone who has not felt it.
    It is uniquely ghastly and the worst piece (for me) is the years of deceit, and the lying…
    To think we have wasted some of, if not much of, our best years on a shit – is horrible.
    It has taken me a long time, though not as long as you – to realise I am worth more than a rented hole (fantastic term!)
    I now will get back what I am entitled to, and that is recognition,respect and self worth……. I will not endure any more of the betrayal, lies and cheating anymore.
    You keep on keeping on, and when the time comes for you – ENJOY !
    You are worth so so much more………….again, Good Luck, and kindest of wishes
    Louise


  51. Ed Shull

    Dee – I will admit that I judge people too often, it’s a bad habit that I try to be aware of. But I will certainly not judge the feelings of someone who has not only been cheated on with a prostitute, but also rewarded with a lifelong STD! I think you have every right in the world to be as pissed off as you want to be. I agree with you 100%. If your husband wanted to bang hookers, he should have stayed out of your bed. You don’t get much more of a breach in trust than giving your wife an STD you got from a hooker. He is about as bad as they get.

    Which is why I agree with Louise as well. I think you should move on with your life. I get the revenge idea. I myself have a hard time letting things go. But it’s just his life and time you’re wasting. This guy has already cheated you out of so much, don’t let him cheat you out of more. Clearly you could take everything in a divorce, unless of course he gets a hold of proof of your “online cheating”. Divorce his ass while you have the unarguable high ground.

    You mentioned you have a couple of kids. Do they have any idea of what’s going on? Do you think they would be better off with the two of you divorced? How old are you and your husband?


  52. Dee

    Hello Ed,

    Thanks for your continued dialogue. My children are 17 and 12. My seventeen year old son found porno pictures on our family computer when he was 13 year old. He came crying to me saying “He knew what his Father was doing and he would never trust him again.” When I asked my husband what they were he said they were not his. He deleted everything before I saw anything. So I had no proof. That was a year before I uncovered what he was really doing on the internet. I guess he deleted the history everytime after that.

    It has been three years since I found out about the hookers. He no longer has full access to the computer in our house. He is under the parental controls that I control. He said the internet makes it so easy to go down that path. When I first found everything I did have him move out of the home. I told my son, he was 14 at the time that there was a chance he would have to choose who he would want to live with. He said he chose me. My 8 year old at the time just knew only about all the fighting.

    He begged for me to forgive him and that he wanted to save our marriage. When I was going to leave him I was going to move out of the country so I would never have to set eyes on him again. It would have been hard for him to see the children. But I need to be away from him…far away. I said I would not even come to his funeral. Pretty harsh I know. I considered what my life would be like if I divorced him and have to move the children out of their home and away from the friends the grew up with. I have only stayed with him because of the children and he knows that. He tells me often how much he loves me. Will spend the rest of his life making it up to me. So I let him try. But everyday that goes by I still think of what he did and the nude pictures of all the he was with.I found them by the phone records. Most of them are all still on the internet with their own websites.

    I wasn’t going to let the $275.00 hooker take everything I worked so hard for over 22 years. We still go to couples counseling every other week. And I still go to individual counseling every other week.
    The counselor saved my life. She has always agreed I did not take the “easy road” staying with him. He went to individual couseling for a year and a half. They never really confirmed he was addicted to sex with hookers. Because he only said he did it once or twice a year over ten years. He said it was because we did not have enough sex together to meet his needs. His attitude was he was not hurting anyone because I never knew. Said he always felt terrible after…….said it was never good. He said all the hookers just wanted to get it over for the money. But yet he continued to do it.

    I was 47 when I found out. He was 48.


  53. carol

    I am so sad reading the stories of these broken-hearted women, I caught my husband using prostitutes when our son was a baby, we had the usual, sorry, sorry never do it again, and like a fool I believed him. I caught him at it again about a year ago and to be honest, I felt strong enought to throw him out, my love for him is not what it was, more like being used to having him around, which is a shame, because i did love him more than life. When I looked at my little boys face I just couldn’t do it, because despite what happened, my son loves him and he is a good father. I am still here, hurting every day, not a day goes by that I don’t grieve for what we had…..


  54. Ed Shull

    Dee – It does sound like he really screwed up. It’s sad that he let this get the better of him, and in the process lost the resect of the people he loves most. As a guy, I can agree that things can be difficult. Guys sometimes feel like the whole world relies on them, and that they don’t really have anything of their own. And that is one of the motivations of seeking out a prostitute, something for themselves. But understanding it doesn’t make it ok. Your husband should have just gotten a normal hobby, and then dealt with whatever issue he felt you and he had directly.

    The whole situation is sad. You do sound past the point of forgiveness, and so you really should look into just walking away and trying to find some happiness in your life.


  55. Ed Shull

    Carol – Thanks for the comment. I’m sorry to hear you got burned twice. But I guess that’s the risk you take in a relationship. You have to trust that person 100%, so you risk getting stomped on.

    How long did he last before he got caught? How did you catch him?


  56. Kathy

    Add me to the long list of betrayed wives. Just before Christmas, I found an e-mail on my husband's account that was an escort replying to his request for a possible meeting time and rates. I was rocked to the point of being physically sick. Denial set in as a method of self-preservation. I have two children, aged 12 and 9, and another on the way! I had to get through the holidays and then confront him.


  57. Kathy

    I have always known that my husband has a strong sex drive (don't all men, right?) Stronger than my own and he has told me this on many occasions over our last 17 years of marriage. Early in our marriage, before the internet, I found that he was calling phone sex lines. He vowed never to do it again, and it appeared from our phone records that he did not. I have always had a tinge of suspicion about him and it has effected how I feel about sex in general over the years, though I never voiced it. He has never implied that there is something wrong with me or that he does not love me or find me sexually appealing. Just the opposite.
    So, until I got my courage up to confront him in some way I turned up the heat in the bedroom. Eventhough I am 7 months pregnant. He responded positively and I surprisingly responded as well. The sad thing to me is that I realized that I love being with my husband, but is it just a response to trying to "win him back" and desperately fighting for my marriage?


  58. Kathy

    In reading these posts I feel foolish, inspired, not alone, fortunate, confused! I confronted my husband in a letter. I never actually told him the proof that I had, but I said that I knew he solicited whores and questioned how he could betray me. He of course said I was "way off" and that he did like to "look" but he did not have some secret life that I thought he did.Then, a few days later, he told me of the "one time" that he called for a massage while on a business trip 3 years ago and "it went from there." He actually described the entire encounter to me! Am I foolish enough to think that this was the only time? NO. He thinks that now that he has come clean, we're "Okay." I almost want to believe it as well.


  59. Kathy

    I am a pretty good investigator when I want to be, and he is not very good at covering his tracks. He has joined at least 3 escort websites in the past year and a "swingers" website before that(I guess he thinks I'll join him??) He does not realize that I check his browsing history and see how often he visits and whom his is checking out. Even after we had a long discussion and he professed his love for me and only me, he continues to visit the sites. He went on a business trip and was trolling the site for local escorts! I did not bring it up again. He says that he just likes to "look." If he were just looking at porn – fine, I really don't care. But this is different, right? I have no way of knowing FOR SURE if he is meeting these whores and how often.


  60. Kathy

    Enough of my rambling. I came to this site to get insight as to "Why do married men cheat with prostitutes?" I have found that my husband is probably actively paying for sex more often that the one time he admitted to, and I am foolish to think otherwise. I also found that I have a decision to make. How do I feel about it and what am I going to do? Initally I felt as Louise did, I want to die. That passed, why punish my kids for my husbands weakness/selfishness and my insecurity? Revenge is too destructive to me – who really wants to live with that kind of ugliness in their heart? If I stay with him and "make him pay," I don't ever move on. I don't ever get a loving relationship for myself (and I don't ever get satisfying sex either!)
    So, do I stay and insist that we work it out through counselling and hard work? Can I ever trust him? Do men who cheat ever really stop? Will I just have to accept on some level that if I want this man that I have built a family with, I have to live with the indiscretion
    OR, do I leave and move on without him?
    Tough choices.

  61. Kathy, First I'm sorry this has happened to you. No one deserves to be treated this way, especially when pregnant. Second, thanks for sharing. You have brought some great insight into thi discussion. When you had evidence, you held it back when confronting him, so he admitted the "one time" he did it. It's nice to see that "one time" line be shown for the B.S. that it is.

    I don't know your situation, but from what you have said, I don't think your husband is going to stop. Like the advice I gave before, you need to confront this in the same way you have handled your life… by taking the high road. My advice is to document everything you have, bring it to an attorney and move forward with getting this guy out of your life. Of course he will claim to change, but first you have to show that you're not going to put up with be treated like this.

    I'm sure it's entered your head already, but imagine what an STD would do to your unborn child. This guy can't even contain himself for the safety of his wife and baby.

    I look at it this way, if you just confront him and let it go, he will likely do this again. But if you file for divorce and kick him out, even if you let him back, it will not likely happen again. Of course you have to be ready to move forward on your own. Being a single mother of 3 is not fun, but at least you will have the self-respect you deserve, and your children will see that in you.

    Just out of curiosity, how old are you and your husband, and how long have you been married?

  62. Kathy, First I'm sorry this has happened to you. No one deserves to be treated this way, especially when pregnant. Second, thanks for sharing. You have brought some great insight into thi discussion. When you had evidence, you held it back when confronting him, so he admitted the "one time" he did it. It's nice to see that "one time" line be shown for the B.S. that it is. I don't know your situation, but from what you have said, I don't think your husband is going to stop. Like the advice I gave before, you need to confront this in the same way you have handled your life… by taking the high road. My advice is to document everything you have, bring it to an attorney and move forward with getting this guy out of your life. Of course he will claim to change, but first you have to show that you're not going to put up with be treated like this. I'm sure it's entered your head already, but imagine what an STD would do to your unborn child. This guy can't even contain himself for the safety of his wife and baby. I look at it this way, if you just confront him and let it go, he will likely do this again. But if you file for divorce and kick him out, even if you let him back, it will not likely happen again. Of course you have to be ready to move forward on your own. Being a single mother of 3 is not fun, but at least you will have the self-respect you deserve, and your children will see that in you. Just out of curiosity, how old are you and your husband, and how long have you been married?


  63. Sue

    This website is really helping me cope with everything when I read what others are going through.

    Last September, I found out that my husband cheated on me with prostitutes for at least 12 years out of our 15 years’ marriage. I was devastated and hurt, and could not believe that the person I loved and trusted for 17 years had betrayed me, particularly for so long and without my notice.

    The whole issue was brought up when I had blisters on my gums (which was caused by work stress and a lack of sleep – after STD test), and my husband mistakenly thought the side-effects of his taking blood-pressure tablets as contracting STDs, and told me that the blisters might be STD as he had been to message parlours only two or three times – initially claimed.


  64. Sue

    After I questioned him about Escort websites he visited 5 ~ 6 years’ ago, he then said he started about that time. (I had checked websites he visited since 1998, but never thought that he would actually go and do it.) But because he couldn’t give me rough month/year about his first visit, so I went back to look at our bank statements, and believed that he started at least 12 or 13 years ago and on average of 12 times a year, but he only admitted that it might be 12 years ago, but he could not remember his first visit (!!!!).

    After few discussions, the reasons he gave me for seeking prostitutes were that:
    -it took too long for me to come; (well, how about more foreplay to me)
    -bored at our loving making and looked for excitements (only he talked to me);
    -


  65. Sue

    -needed the attention I apparently didn’t sufficiently give him (this only came after the birth of our
    only child – 3.5 years ago); and
    -mid-life crisis (what, at 29 years old!)
    -financial secure, so he didn’t need to worry about saving money (well, I was the one paid off
    mortgage when we got married)
    -we stopped going out together (he requested to have personal time on his own at weekends and
    didn’t want me to go out with him sometimes after 2 years of marriage – I respected that, also I
    had to study and prepared exams during that time and lasted for 6 years).
    (words in bracket are my arguments)

    I am 41 years old and he is 42. In an ironical way, I am glad that at least I found out this now, rather than when I am much older or contract STD/HIV.


  66. Sue

    As I cannot change the past, so I can only focus on now and future. After discussions, I’ve decided to file for the divorce and he has agreed that our daughter will live with me. He said he wanted to have a second chance, and I agreed with him, but I still wanted to file for divorce and sort out the financial and child arrangements, as I believe if he did it again, all I needed to do is pack up the bags with my daughter and go.

    Call me silly, I know it’s likely that he would do again as it was his “habit” of at least 12 years, but like most women, I still hope that he wouldn’t do it again. He is a good father, and sometimes is inconsiderate like most men. I want to give him a second chance, but all my friends suggested that "I leave now, don't get hurt one more time. You didn't find out his seeking prostitutes after 12 years, how you are going to find out if he does it again."

    Any comments!

  67. Sue, I think you made the right decision. It's unlikely that he would change his behavior. It's a shame that he deceived you for so long, but he's the one who is really out someone special.

    I don't buy his excuses. He knows that you feel the need to make this about how you didn't do something right, but the fact is it had nothing to do with you. He wanted to screw around with more women, it's that simple.

    Hopefully you will find someone who is better suited for a commitment.


  68. Robin

    Sue, the only way it can work between you both is to have counseling by yourself and as a couple. He has to be sorry for lying to you and not caring about your health. If he can't PROVE he is sorry…then a second chance is not worth it. I'm on my way out to our couples counseling tonight. It's been three years for the first two years I went counseling every week and we went to couples every week. It's the ONLY reason I am still with him.
    ( My story is just like yours.) I go only every other week now. And now we still go as a couple every other week. It has not been easy. I have two children and I think that is also one of the reasons I have tried to stay together with him. But my counselor has said to me " You did not take the EASY road…on staying together."
    It is so much hard work and it's like you have to start over again. So since he was unfaithful to me for 22 years with prostitutes, now it is like we have only been married for 3 years. But NOT a day goes by that I don't think of what he did to me and I will remember it till the day I die.

    There is NO easy answer.


  69. Sue

    Thank you, Ed. The truth answer is usually hurt, but one certainly needs to know and confirm.

    I’ve just received the decree nisi and have to wait for another 6 weeks to apply for the decree absolute. I am still bitter…15 years’ marriage and 12 years’ betray. Moreover, I have been the breadwinner of the family for last 6 years – as he felt he was bullied at work and resigned. During the last 6 years, he spent 1 year on studying a full-time MBA and last 3.5 years on looking after our daughter.

    As all my side of the family and relatives are in another country, and apart from colleagues and very few close friends here, divorce means that I’d better go back to the country I grew up in order to ensure that I have sufficient emotional and physical supports as well as my daughter can be well look after by parents, brothers and sisters when I am not available.


  70. Sue

    This has made our relationship a bit more complicated as it should be. Moving closer to my side of the family means our daughter can only see her daddy, auntie and grandma once or twice a year, so I have to consider whether I give my husband a second chance after divorce or go back to where I came from as soon as the divorce is finalised.

    He said he had got over the desire of seeking prostitutes, and would not do it again(!!!). I said if he kept his thing where it’s supposed to be and started to look for a job, then I would give him a second chance – as I didn’t want to deprive our daughter’s rights to her father, and I should be able to live with him if he kept his promise. If this second chance didn’t pull through, I would definitely move to my home country.

    By any chance, anyone knows how long it usually takes for a betray partner to forget one’s promise? so, I can prepare for moving……. joking……


  71. Sue

    Robin, thanks for sharing your experience with me. I admire your love, determination and drive to get your marriage work.

    I too, after what he has done, sub-consciously I still want to stay together with him providing no more infidelity. As he is the one wants to stay together and have a second chance, so I will give him a second chance after divorce. As long as he keeps up with his word, I will stay with him. Yet, if he does it again, all I have to do is pack up my bags and go.

    I think I’ve taken a easy option for myself – let him to control his desire; after 12 years’ screwing around, I hope that he got it out of his system, if not, I’m better off starting a new life without him. Ha..ha..ha.. it’s easy to say, then do, but life has to carry on for better future, so one has no choice.


  72. ellin

    wow,ladies
    what an eyeopener! i'm trying to deal with the one hooker(supposedly) my guy has told me about along with the12 years of deception about porn and stripclub outings, on every business trip and lunch breaks, and felling utterly disgusted and ashamed and what should i do and yet you guys have gone through sooo much. i'm afraid if i give my pathological liar another chance,i too will be here again. for a sec, i thought yes, maybe all guys do go through this and it's just the world we live in, but ed, it's nice to know it is not. tricia, i'm sorry you have gone through sooo much hell. i cried eading your story. then i cried for myself and my kids. how do you know an addict will recover? my liar thinks he will and one day we can renew our vows. what a joke! i'm thinking divorce and he's talking about marriage.


  73. ellin

    of course right now, he's going through the please don't leave me and i'll do anything tho make things work…says he's had an epiphany. and yes, he's trying really hard and i do believe he has an addiction and in time it will come back and become worse. shall i stay for the kids and give up my diginity and everything i worked hard for or just end it now. he has lied from the beginning of our marriage to up to 3 days ago. where he supposedly now has told me everything. he said he did not actually have sex with her, as he passed out and didn't know if she showed up at the hotel or not…but in any case the intention was there and ithe would have gone through it had he been awake.
    i feel so lost and broken and know i must make a choice for myself. i'm sooo embarrassed to tell anyone, so i sit here on this website. thanks for listening.

  74. ellin, you obviously have nothing to be embarrassed about. He is the one breaking his promise and shaming himself. And one of the constant things I heard from both husbands who cheat with hookers, and the hookers, is that it really has nothing to do with the wife. The guy just wants the excitement of getting laid. No real deep psychological reason, it's just about the rush.

    After hearing from so many people on this subject, including husbands, I'm sure that your husband does love you. But he is not respecting you, and one could argue that you can't have one without the other.

    My advice, for what it's worth, is to first decide if this is someone you want to be with. It may sound cold, but if you have doubts after what he has done, then it's time for you to move along with your life without him. But if you still want to be in this marriage, then you have to regain the control and respect you deserve. Which means you need to walk away for a short time.

    So my advice would be to tell him you need some time to decide what you want, and ask him to leave for a short time. Then insist on counseling, where he will need to be open and honest. This shows that you're not going to be treated with this level of disrespect, but you're willing to work on things.

    I know that a separation can be traumatic for your kids, but you need to think about how your mental state will affect them even more if you don't regain the respect of your husband. And what type of lesson are you teaching your kids if you let this go unanswered, especially if you're raising girls.

    I think another important thing to do is to tell someone. If you're afraid about being judged by someone you know, try a therapist. You need to be able to talk through your feelings openly, without feeling like you're being judged. You're angry, hurt and embarrassed, and you need to let that out.

    Good luck, and please let us know how things are going. I know that people take comfort in reading that they are not alone in this situation.


  75. Sue

    Ellin,

    Sorry to hear your story. Please don’t feel embarrassed on telling your friends and family members about your situation, apart from getting things off your chest, you may find some of them gone through similar things and willing to help whatever they can – like mine. I totally agree what Ed’s advice. After taking similar approaches and assuming the worse, I knew I didn’t have the control on my husband’s “love” to me, but I certainly had control over my share of the family assets, so I decided to get divorced to ensure my daughter’s and my future financial security.


  76. Sue

    Having got the absolute decree two weeks ago, we currently live in the same house, and everything appears to be ok except sex – I said to him that I had been traumatized by the whole issue and need time to reconcile myself, so I wouldn’t have any sex intercourse with him for at least 3 months. Still, sometimes I feel sad and angry about his seeking prostitutes – time reduces the pain, but I will never feel the same again. My next step will be a lie-detector test in one or two years’ time; sad, but it’s the only way to prevent myself from looking for infidelity evidence and driving myself insane.
    I know it’s very difficult to decide what you really want and weight the advantages and disadvantages of staying/not staying together – I hope, with a bit of help from your friends and family, the pain may be less. Good luck!


  77. Fool for sure

    Jay , I feel your pain. I have been dating a guy for over 4 years to find he also has been using call girl servicis better know a sluts. How can these men not think that they can catch a deasease and not bring it home to us. I have lost all my respect for him, I dont want him and don't want him around me. When I look at him I want to throw up and when I have to have sex with it makes me sick. I wish and pray he would drop out of my life, it seems for some reason, for sure not love, how can any man say they love you, but can lay up with fleas bags. I am just like you I hate every woman that walks that appears to be sluts. I guess I am jealous cause I can't be like them and just not care who I sleep with. Maybe its time for me to start. And Amanda if you are from Wake Forest NC you are about as sorry as they come.


  78. fool on my forward

    dont let him fool you girl — i am sure he has set up another email account — these men think they are slink — my only thing is this — If God can put one man on space why can't he put all of them.


  79. YOU NO Good

    amanda are you from wake forest- working with imperial booking agency


  80. Julie Trout

    It is not a relationship if you are helping men cheat on their wives you are a cheater too baby and your are contributing to your own soul sripping… you need therapy. You are part of the reasons why men cheat because you keep your legs open and don't have respect for your community, the so called "man", the wife or yourself. Girlfriend, check yourself into rehab oh no wait you couldn't you're too lazy to work at that or anything else that might get you off your back much easier to lay on your back for money… and if you have "clients" honey it's for the money don't fool yourself into thinking you are doing community service!


  81. Jon

    It's not unconditionally the man pays to **** a underclass citizen and throw her away in exchange for money… and if you don't want Susan to use broad statements than you shouldn't either! Although I have to say that men do get the short end of the stick on the "cheating pigs" because women have certainly stepped up or should I say down to that level too now!
    And I'm not sure I get it… are you saying it's okay to cheat and people are not pigs if you think your spouse is too nagging, or otherwise not to your liking?

  82. Julie – I didn't read Amanda saying that she thought she was performing any community service. She is simply performing a job she has chosen. Blaming her is like blaming a bar tender for serving alcohol to a guy who shouldn't be drinking. Blame the men who cheat on their wives. If it wasn't with her, it would just be with someone else.

  83. I agree with Jon. If you're not happy in your marriage, end it. Don't start screwing around with a hooker behind your spouses' back. Nagging does not give permission to cheat, it gives permission to either work it out or leave.

    An even better suggestion would be; if you don't like the idea of being nagged, don't get married in the first place.


  84. Sara

    Dear Tricia,
    I have almost the same story to tell. I've been doing this for 14 years now and with two children in the picture. He will never stop. If I could turn the clock back, I would have left him the first time, it would have been easier for my little girl and for myself. To wait only makes things more complicated and only makes yourself more sick inside.


  85. sandra

    i fond out my husband off 21 years has been with hookers i have since moved out off house as he would not leave he was phoning them about 30 times a day trying to get one as i got copy of phone bills i feel as if my worlds come to end hes a takie driver and can pick up any time when he wants one

  86. Sandra, sorry to hear about that. Not much to say if someone you're with for 21 years is calling hookers 30 times a day. I know it must be difficult to go through, but your world is not over, just your world with him. If you were strong enough to walk away, your strong enough to move on. There are obviously some rough times ahead, but a year from now you will be in a much better place. Good luck.


  87. Hudson

    Trisha, I'm going through this now.. I found out Nov. 6 2009.. I am in great shape ( I run 15k a day), look young for my age and have 3 children (by him). It didn't seem to help me so give yourself a break about the weight gain as it's really just an excuse. I've been married 24 years, he started surfing porn 5 yrs ago and slept with an escort for the first time 2 1/2 yrs ago…there was a total of 7 and 1 erotic massage (according to him) He says he was stressed from work, felt like a failure (his business was failing horribly) and lied constantly to me about debt… he said after that he couldn't face me… He has responded much like your husband, professing undying love, apologizing constantly, coming home early, frequent calls etc. Anyway, it's been a year for you how are you now?


  88. Tricia

    Wow what a coincidence this is. I wanted to see if this post was still here because I remembered writing it. I wanted to remember how I felt and what exactly I was believing at the time. I'm really surprised that someone replied just 6 days ago.

    Here is what happened. We did the couples therapy thing until he didn't want to go anymore. He felt he was on trial and we were getting nowhere. I made him go to a therapist by himself, and I went to a different one. He eventually stopped going. When his Google search history (that he never considered existed thankfully) showed me he was still going to escort sites after those 2 therapy options failed I kicked him out, but didn't break up with him. I wanted to see if it would scare him clean. He had to move back in with his parents, who I told the entire story to. At first he said he was determined to stop seeing prostitutes, stop the porn habit (he has been admittedly addicted to porn for 20yrs.) and get his head straight. He looked into treatment options for sex addiction, but wasn't able to find any local resources. The determination to recover didn't last long and three months later I found emails in his facebook account that revealed to me that he had a girlfriend on the side. I broke up with him and we no longer speak unless we have to talk about our daughter. Recently his girlfriend had the guts to contact me (or the nerve maybe) asking about what happened with us. I told her EVERYTHING. She also revealed to me that he had told her that he cheated on me from the start of our 4yr. relationship, something he has never admitted to me.

    I lost all of my baby weight, and its true that it didn't matter. I wear a size 4 and his new girlfriend wears a 14.

    I would be really careful of believing anything your husband says. If he started porn 5 yrs. ago its probably been 10. If he says there were 7 there could be a lot more. I was told that it was 2 prostitutes for a total of 3 times and that the first time was in May 08'. As it turns out it was our entire relationship and an untold amount of times. I know now for sure it was at least 10 times that he went to one based on things I discovered and he admitted to along the way.

    So, I'm single, have a 2yr. old daughter, work full time and manage the house and 2 dogs. He sits in his parents guest room every night with 2 laptops and hundreds of dvd's (his mom tells me). He is either doing that, working, or at his girlfriends 2 nights a week. What a life huh?

  89. Tricia – I'm so glad to hear from you again, but I'm sorry you didn't have better news to share. It sounds like you did everything you could, and now this guy is going to have to live a very empty life.

    I am glad you shared that losing the weight didn't matter. Women are so quick to think it's about them, when it reality, it has little to do with their looks or anything else. These guys just crave the excitement of the sex and don't really care who it hurts.

    And it's pretty amazing that the guy didn't at least learn how to cover his online tracks.

    How are you getting on with your life? It would be great to hear how you're feeling about things now that you cut this person out of your life. Are you optimistic, or still a dealing with this?


  90. Tricia

    It's hard. I'm going to be 35 this year, and I feel like he ruined my life. I won't ever have that family that I wanted, the one I waited for, the one with children by the same father who I married. That was my biggest dream. It's gone. My daughter won't have siblings, and I won't be spending holidays with her grandparents (his parents) any more. His dad and brother still don't think that he has a problem, which just kills me. His mom does though.

    It just sucks that I ever got involved with him. I'm not the kind of girl to stay in an abusive situation and it really was soul crushing to make those attempts at healing the relationship. In reality I think if you even try to heal the relationship, it won't get you anywhere because it's not the relationship that is the problem, its his sex addiction that is the problem. Relationship counseling will not solve sex addiction.

    I recently heard from his new girlfriend that he admitted to her that it wasn't just his lunch break he used to cheat on me. He was doing it every single chance he got, when he was "going to Target for diapers", or when he could sneak out of work… any reason. It makes me sick. I also learned that prostitutes take credit cards!!!! He has nearly 30k in debt, which he told me was from his divorce, but wasn't all.

    I am just managing day to day, I have a now two year old, and my career. When the relationship finally ended it was because I found out he had a girlfriend. This was days after I had had surgery, and a week after my car got totaled. So in one week I lost my car, gall bladder, lol, and him. There I was alone with the baby, healing, and unable to go anywhere. There he was getting his car detailed so that he could go on a date. He is a monster. A month later I came down with pneumonia and was having issues with panic attacks. I was given medication for depression and anxiety, and sleeping. It took a few months for me to start to feel better, but I'm doing ok now.

    I have no hope of ever having another relationship. I mean sure it could happen, but I think it would be pretty stupid and maybe even cruel for me to do that anytime soon. I think this is something that will permanently impact who I am. I mean, after you spend years with someone and this all comes out… how can you trust someone again? It would have to be a long time before I could trust someone enough to marry them, and by that time I'll be too old for more children.

    The way I look at it, my daughter needs my attention, and she's only going to be little once. I'm not going to waste that on trying to date a bunch of creeps (lets face it, you have to weed through 10 creeps before you meet 1 good one.. and chances are that good one doesn't want a commitment anyway, lol.).

    I'm heartbroken that my dream of having a family is gone, and I am dealing with a lot of feeling sorry for myself because life cheated me out of finding a good companion. I'm lonely, but I'm also really busy so that helps.

    The most important thing though is that I know I need a lot of time to heal, and that maybe I won't always think this way. I don't mourn the loss of him, I mourn the loss of the ideal. I would never ever take him back, and I am glad that this evil horrible problem is no longer mine to suffer.


  91. Shannnon

    So what are there needs !!! do you think seeing the same prostitue over and over means anything to the customer other then just sex or do you think that they could have feeling for the call girl too!!! Thanks

  92. your an idiot – how could you even dedicate a article to this topic! Whats at issue here is not the fact of whether prostitution takes place or even why men do it. It has to do with the self righteous attitudes inherent in human nature. Ass long as there's assholes like you who feel they need have an opinion there will always be a question of why its right or wrong. Anyone can paint a picture the way they see it, but it takes real thought to accept reality and human needs. My suggestion would be to examine the why's and abandon the notion of whether its right or wrong, because in essence, thats a loaded gun you shouldn't be playing with, that can be turned on you at any moment. In other words right and wrong make terrible compasses and have led to many a tragedy much greater than prostitution.

  93. Thank you for expressing your opinion that I'm an asshole for expressing my opinion. Also, I have no idea what the hell you're trying to say. Idiot.


  94. Ann

    Dear j, I deeply understand your experience, because i could have written your exact letter. your sadness and your feelilngs i understand completely because they are my feelings too. i have been trying to deal with this over the past year with the help of a counselor and some days are better that others. my husband started this at the age of 59-60, and told me he had no interest in sex anymore. Tthe thing is, he had an interest, it just wasn't with me. Yes, it shatters any self esteem you might have, and then after they do this to you, they turn around and tell you that they love only you. I don't trust him, nor respect him, nor love him anymore, but at the ripe old age of 62, I am not really sure what i want to do. I will pray for you as I pray for me and any other women that goes thru this. I hope we all will find peace someday
    A


  95. Ben

    Well I can't speak for other men but what would you do if you had a wife who simply wasn't into sex? Who never initiated, who seemed to want things to be over and done with quickly, who would not permit oral sex even when it was performed on her and not vice versa, who is reluctant to consider putting on lingerie, who is eager to give all kinds of excuses about not desiring sex, who used sex as a bargaining chip for something else. If you were a man, how would you feel about asking for sex from such a wife? Again, I'm not blaming all wives; I'm only describing my own situation. And before anyone tells me I should talk with my wife and communicate with her, i already do, hence all the excuses I've heard from her. We do, however, talk much more candidly about topics not related to our sex life, and she is much more enthusiastic about them.

    Yes, feel free to call me a pig for visiting a prostitute. But pointing fingers at people does not help anyone to understand the problem, much less solve it. But you self-righteous people do what you gotta do and I will do what I gotta do.


  96. Betrayed 4

    Please also have the hooker wash your underwear, cook your meals, clean your house and raise your children! If you want to pay for sex with a hooker whos mouth has been on every other private male organ she can get money for than go for it…………..make a doctor's appointment TOO!

    If you need to PAY for SEX than just don't go home to your wife…….and get in bed with her on the sheets she washed. GO find a lawyer……….and then go pay for sex with any hooker you can find.

    P.S. You don't have time for a REAL releationship……..????? Did you hear it is againist the law? Thanks for the HERPES too!

  97. Ben – I have to agree with the other reply, although I get your issue. It sounds like you're in a crappy relationship sexually, but how is everything else? Do you feel your marriage is strong in other ways?


  98. Michelle

    Hi Dee, I found out my husband has been going to prostitutes for years & years at the end of last year. We have a young toddler who adores him. I would be happy to leave if it was just me, I dont believe I should subject my young child to struggle street just because my husband is a prick who can't keep his dick to himself.

    Unfortunately most men haven't reached a stage of evolution where they are mature enough to accept the relationship isn't working for them & get out. Instead they act out with a range of bad behaviours and then expect the wives to accept it… He says that he would be devastated if I did the same thing as him (I didn't) so tell me how the hell does that work? He can have his dick in any young attractive whore he likes but if I so much as look at another guy he flips out. And they wonder why there are so many bitter women walking this earth.

    If you want to be pals please give me your email address, I would be very interested to have an emotional relationship with someone of my own. Maybe that would cheer me up.

    Regards,
    Michelle.


  99. Michelle

    Hi Emma, I found out my husband has been going to prostitutes for years & years at the end of last year. We have a young toddler who adores him, so unfortunately its not as simply as just walking out.

    Unfortunately a hell of a lot men haven't reached a stage of evolution where they are mature enough to accept the relationship isn't working for them & get out. Instead they act out with a range of bad behaviours and then expect the wives to accept it… He says that he would be devastated if I did the same thing as him (I didn't) so tell me how the hell does that work? He can have his dick in any young attractive whore he likes but if I so much as look at another guy he flips out. And they wonder why there are so many bitter women walking this earth.

    If you want to be pals please give me your email address, I live in Brisbane and have had a very similar experience to you.
    Regards,
    Michelle.


  100. Phoebe Prince

    My husband of 50+ years told me a few weeks ago that when he traveled to meetings he often would call for a prostitute to come to his room to give him a blow job. I am absolutely devastated and now in the midst of a major depression. I feel that I am married to someone whom I do not really know, I am considering a divorce. He wants to try couple counseling, but I cannot imagine anything a counselor could say to undo the sense of betrayal and repulsion that I feel toward him. A divorce at 70 years old will be traumatic—but I think it might be better that looking at his face across the breakfast table the rest of my life.


  101. Dee

    So sorry to hear.but so many use hookers and there wives never know. I didn't for 22 years. But I did find out. And things will never be the same. I stay for my young children. But that was 5 years ago. Things are different now. They are not yound any more 13 and 19.

    Someone PLEASE tell me……..when a hookers gives a BLOW JOB does she use a condom???

    I say NO? Think how many private parts have been in her mouth? Makes me SICK. I know a man got HERPES from a stripper giving him a BLOW JOB in the back of the club.

    "Men who use hookers are NOT in LOVE with their WIVES!"

    Wise up the wives out there……what I learned the hard way is …..if you are not sleeping with your husband SOMEONE IS!!!! PAID or UNPAID!

    Whay would ANYONE ever get MARRIED?


  102. Linda

    Hi, I recently found out that my man is a lying, cheating slut and I would like to add my 2 cents. For years my man stayed out late and spend ridiculous amounts of time on the computer while I was sleeping and when I inquired about it I was attacked and accused of being some hen pecking housewife so I let him alone. He assured me that he was 100% with me and that he wasn't doing anything wrong, that his staying out was "innocent" and his porn surfing on the net was "Harmless". One day I picked up his cell phone when he accidentally left it home and guess what? A woman was calling. At first my heart started pounding because I thought he was having an affair, but when I googled the number it was my worst nightmare come true….HOOKERS…..and not just hookers but TRANNY hookers. I threw up, really I did. After figuring out his cell phone password I logged onto his cell carrier site and looked up his phone records and was stunned to find HUNDREDS of hookers phone numbers on his account. Text messages arranging meetings and such….I was horrified. I confronted him and he went ballistic claiming that he didn't do anything wrong and that I was the bad guy for "Spying" on him. He told me I "drove" him to it and made a dozen different excuses. What a crock, For years he told me he was impotent and denied me a sex life and this is what he was doing the whole time! I now realize I am stuck with a Narcissist. He has no remorse for what he has done and doesn't care at all about the emotional pain he has caused. Just like John Edwards and Tiger Woods he did it because he felt entitled to do so. His ego is so huge he convinced himself that I held him back and that he deserved all these sluts. That's what's really behind all the cheating, their egos. And what's worse is that society lets them get away with it. If I as a female did what he did I would be condemned as the slut of the
    universe but he does it and everyone makes excuses for him or looks to blame me for not "satisfying" him. What a crock of sh*t, he doesn't even want me. He just wants the little woman at home cooking and cleaning and waiting on him hand and foot then he wants to go out and be Joe Single man when it suits him. These men are disgusting pigs, no wonder so many women are turning lesbian.


  103. Linda

    Please explain the Tranny escorts to me. My man always told me that he thought Trannys were "disturbing" so imagine my suprise when I found hundreds of tranny hooker's phone numbers on his cell phone. What is the appeal of this? Is he gay? I don't understand this at all and quite frankly I am freaked out by it.


  104. Linda

    Hi Dee, My experience is much the same. For years my man denied me sex claiming he was impotent while the whole time he was doing hookers and trannys. Disgusting. Cell phone records busted him, I recommend any woman who suspects cheating go to the web site of his cell carrier and click the "forgot my password" thing and answer his secret questions so you can get his password and look at his call list. Most men are too stupid to use proper security so it's not hard to guess.

  105. Linda, I don’t know what to tell you here. Obviously if your husband is having sex with tranny hookers you have good reason to expect that he’s gay. Either way I don’t see the point of staying with the guy. As hard as it may be, time to pack up and move on, or send him packing. At least you truly know it’s not you.


  106. Kim

    A lot of these over sized egos are attached to narcissistic personalities that feel completely entitled to do whatever the hell they want (all words of love and commitment they made to their partner be damned) and as long as they're getting away with it they could care less about the hurt it's causing their wives. Most of them seem to be saddled with "mommy" issues as well, and so shortly after they "commit" to one woman, their dormant Madonna/Whore complexes they've been carrying around ever since "Mommy" had another baby and kicked them off their little thrones, becomes activated and germinates into full bloom. That's why they cant get their little peckers up and going for their partners; but put a stripper, a prostitutes or any other skank of that stripe in front of them and all of a sudden they become "sex addicts" who "can't control it."


  107. Kim

    I find it awfully dichotomous that these pigs (as Linda so aptly labeled them) can't "control it" when they get their overwhelming urges to sleep with anything with a pulse and a vagina, but they sure can control those manipulative preemptive lies ("oh, hey sweetpea, I've got a job bid to do so I'm gonna be a couple of hours late") and the secret bank accounts and the second cell phones and the office buddy alibis they utilize to cover up their backstabbing betrayals.


  108. Kim

    How fortunate indeed for these lying snakes, that what they so sorely lack in "self control" over their "need" to bust one off in anything that moves is sure made up for in their ability to "control" their wives/girlfriends perception of reality. They engage in extremely controlled acts of manipulation, lies and deception and yet as soon as they're busted they duck and cover, hiding behind the tired, old blanket of "I couldn't control myself." Seems awfully self serving to me, but then what more can you expect from these a-holes. That's what they live and breathe; service to self. And what better way to serve oneself (when you're a lying, cheating pig) than by breaking your marriage vows and commitments by screwing every whore in town and then skirting full accountability by pathologizing yourself as a victim of "sex addiction."


  109. Kim

    In my opinion, the term "sex addiction" itself is just a modern day cop out for good all "not having any integrity and not giving a sh*t." In other words, lacking a conscience. I'm not referring to all people who cheat, but when it comes to serial-cheaters, I think at best they are narcissists and at worst, full blown sociopaths. If they really felt so "terrible" about the intense pain and suffering they cause their wives and girlfriends when their lies and manipulations are finally exposed, they wouldn't have called up that second hooker, or the third one or the fourth..etc. Guilt and remorse as an evolutionary development in humankind developed for a reason; so that the first time we screw over or hurt someone…WE DONT IT AGAIN.

    Serial cheaters don't lack "self control," what they lack is a conscience

  110. Wow, you are in a very bad mood.


  111. mary

    i just found out my bf of over 2 years has been calling prostitutes and obviously been visiting them. We have a 9 month old baby together. I found his phone bill from last year and called a number that appeared 25 times only to find that it was a call girl. He made these calls while i was pregnant and when i confronted him he said i am mad! I knew he was into porn and had a suspicion but always thought i was being paranoid. we do not live together because we were having problems and i have been on my own with the baby since she was 3 months old. We were trying to work things out but after finding out about these call girls there is no way i could ever take him back. He is an asshole who doesn’t deserve me or to have a beautiful baby girl in his life. Thank God i never married him. I love my daughter with all my heart and i will not put her through living with an abusive narcissist. She doesn’t need a father and she has all the love and happiness in her life.

    We women are always trying to work at relationships for the sake of our children. If these men ever even gave a damn about their children and their relationships, would they actually do these things?

  112. Mary – Sorry to hear about your bf. I would say that if he is just going to lie about the issue, then you don’t have much choice buy to leave him. Did he have anything honest to say about the whole thing?


  113. mary

    hi Ed.

    no honesty at all. He says he doesn’t know about the numbers, and nothing happened. His usual response to questions on where he’s been when he goes out at night is either he cannot remember or he just ignores the question and behaves as if i am interrogating him even if i am just asking out of interest.

    I am 28 and he is 37 and frankly there’s no excuse for his behaviour. He’s not a child and he’s not trapped in this relationship, so he could have always just moved on instead of going around behind my back. There’s nothing i need from him and he doesn’t even need to do anything for our baby. I have my own house/car and i have enough money so i could stay at home and look after our baby till she’s at least one.

    We’ve had so many problems because i was never accepted by his family which i now see that he has been using as an excuse so he doesn’t need to commit. We were living together and after all the problems i decided to move back to my home city so he’s 600km away. Now i realise that this was the best decision i could have ever made. The only good thing that came out of our relationship was our baby.

  114. Sounds like a good move to leave his ass. If he’s just going to lie about it, what’s the point? Find someone better. BTW, your accents are hot over there! You would have no problem in this country finding a new guy.


  115. mary

    thanks Ed! As soon as the world cup is over, i’ll be packing my bags. Lol. I wish!


  116. Linda

    Hi Mary,

    This seems to be the stock excuse that they were "just calling numbers for a thrill and didn't do anything". That's the BS excuse I got and I was stupid enough to fall for it at first until I found out he has been calling for years. I even saw one of this text messages where he asked a tranny if it could cum on him. I threw up in my mouth on that one. Whenever I attempt to resolve this with him he starts verbally abusing me for all to hear so that I will be humiliated into submission. Mine started with the porn thing too and even though I strongly object to porn I finally gave up and let him have it because I thought it would keep him faithful. I didn't want to be some henpecking type woman because I thought that would drive him to cheat. How stupid was I? Porn is a warning sign. So is freaking out if you look at his cell phone. Or ranting and raving about "spying". Maybe we could all list our "signs" to help out other women. I wish someone had told me the signs before I wasted my whole life with this sad excuse for a man.

    And your last sentence is spot on Mary.


  117. mary

    thanks Linda,
    Can you believe he actually thinks that i am going to just overlook this even though he hasn’t even given me any explanations. And he behaves as if nothing has happened. And he even said to me that i never trusted him and i responded by saying that even if i never trusted him, that should not excuse his behaviour. And to think i really did trust him.

    He is just so unbelievable. It’s like dealing with someone who has no conscience.

    I feel like he is using the baby as a pawn to get his way, anything to get what he wants. He just says whatever it takes to keep us but it all ends up being lies.
    I know what you mean by not wanting to be the ‘spy’ and you just end up wondering if you have gone mad for not just taking his word. He even said to everyone that i was mad.

    These men are just sick. They feel nothing for anyone. They are not capable of changing.


  118. Linda

    They're disgusting Mary, I often wonder what goes on in their minds and how they look themselves in the mirror knowing they are emotionally destroying another human being. My Bf keeps insisting that it is me who is in the wrong, that I broke HIS trust by spying on him. He's also still insisting that all he did was make calls and he swore on his mother's grave that he did nothing more then just "talk". Aside from the fact that this wreeks of BS, what hooker wants to sit and chat on the phone for free? I asked him what he says to these women/trannys and his response was to become really angry and tell me to just drop it. He tells me I am OBSESSING about nothing. So I guess I am just supposed to put my head up my ass and accept that he's a lying, cheating, mentally unbalanced person? Unreal isn't it?


  119. Jenn

    Ask yourself this Mary, If all he had on his cell phone were his family, friends, ect why would he give a rat's fat ass if you looked at his phone? I don't mind at all if he looked at mine and I don't care if he sees my cookies on the computer because all I look at is gossip and shopping sites. Maybe I should start surfing sites with lots of penis pics and men's phone numbers for escort service and see how he likes it. Maybe I'll just set my desktop pic with a large erect penis so he has to see it every time he logs on. I'm in an evil mood.


  120. mary

    know exactly what you are going through. The emotional abuse is terrible and you almost start to believe you’re making a big deal out of nothing.

    But it is NOT normal and getting away from him will be the only way to keep your sanity and your self respect. there are good, decent men out there, and he is not one of them. And don’t fall into the trap of thinking that if you just forgive him, he will change. Cos’ he won’t. If he really was capable of changing, would he not already have done so?

    I always thought i should be the one to make it work for my baby’s sake but how is an unhappy, emotionally abused woman going to bring up a confident and self respecting daughter? my baby is really happy and doing so well without her dad around. When he is around, i end up so tense and stressed that she becomes unhappy. It’s just a rollercoaster, when he is with us he can be so charming but after a few hours of him going back to his place we end fighting.

    Oh, he still denies making the calls at all even though no one could have used his phone cos’ he had a password.


  121. Linda

    The lying bugs me more than anything. if he has a sex addiction and apologized profusely at least I could have some residual respect for him for being honest, but no, he just keeps lying to me like I'm stupid. I checked out several of the escort web pages linked to the phone numbers on his cell and they all say "Do not call me and ask questions that are answered in my ad or I will hang up on you". These girls aren't interested in chit chatting. He has text messages from several trannys who say on their web pages that they do not accept texts so if they are accepting his messages he must be a "regular" don't you think? It's bad enough to have your man treating with prostitutes but the tranny thing makes me sick to my stomach. Is he gay? What freaking sex is he engaging in? Is he taking it up the butt from them? Do I need an AIDS test? What the hell? Has my whole relationship been a fraud? I am under so much stress I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack you know? He says he has only been calling these numbers for a few months but that's crap because I downloading his cell records dating back two years and those calls are there. In fact, he called 7 prostitutes on my BIRTHDAY!


  122. Linda

    I apologize for the bad spelling, I am drunk and just realized I made several typos. Stress!


  123. mary

    i really think you should get away from him ASAP. You need to think of your own sanity. He is not worthy of you. Do not even bother trying to verify what he says. U already know he is a pathological liar. Am glad i moved away from my bf 6 months ago because of other problems. And i stayed with my family until i sorted myself out. And now i feel i am getting back to who i really am. Finding this out about my bf just proved that my instincts were right all along.

    If you want to chat further, mail me on [email protected] and i will give you my private email.


  124. Linda

    Where am I supposed to go? I don't have any where to go or any way of supporting myself. Just to let you know what's going on, he has been acting all sweet for the past 2 days and all of a sudden there are no phone calls of any kind, even normal ones, on his cell. He is still swearing on a stack that he did nothing and that he just chatted with these freaks but I don't buy it, it just doesn't make sense. On May 26th alone he texted back and forth with a tranny 16 times in a 20 minute period. WTF? I went to the ad for this tranny escort and this person clearly states that they do not accept texts. So why is he/she accepting HIS texts and so many of them? Is he having an actual relationship with these people? I cannot get a straight answer. I asked him today how long he has been communicating with hookers and he told me that he has only been doing it for a few months but I know for a fact that is a lie because I have his cell records dating back to 1/09 and there are dozens of calls every single dam day to escorts, massage parlors and peep show places. What in the hell is going on? Honestly I could deal with this so much better if it was just female hookers but the tranny thing is totally freaking me out because I have this disgusting image in my head of what he is doing with the tranny's peen. Seriously it's gross.

    I will contact you Mary, ty.


  125. dana

    wow amanda – i think people like u destroy many lives -look at the homes u have destroyed – the kids now that dont have there dad with them and the wife that feels she is just a slab of meat . way to go girl – u really got it going on .


  126. dana

    thats right susan I totally agree – i used to call them dogs but my dogs are much better than these type sleeve bag men –


  127. Linda

    I'm not leaving no matter what. I don't care if he's gay, beats me, what have you. I have no where to go but the street so I will put up with anything. Suicide is the only way out for me. Unlike most people here I am not an educated "professional" . My last job paid $6 an hour, I challenge any of you to leave on that. I just want to know what I am dealing with so I can protect myself emotionally.


  128. linda

    HAHA Susan. Men are definitely the lesser species. they have no impulse control.


  129. Linda

    The problem with these men IMO is that they compartmentalize their lives. They have the one life with you and then this little secret life that in their mind has nothing to do with you so it shouldn't be a problem as long as they keep it on the down low. They honestly do not feel they are doing anything wrong because they think if I am paying someone it's not real so it doesn't matter. At least that's my partner's attitude. His excuse was that I wasn't supposed to know about it so it's my spying that is the problem not his philandering. I wonder how they would feel if we all copped the same attitude and had dozens of men's numbers on our cell phones? it would be DIFFERENT then wouldn't it guys???


  130. Claire

    Ouch. I found out about a month and a half ago that my husband of 12 years has been calling prostitutes for oral sex when he is traveling on business.

    His first time was in 2006 when I was pregnant with our first daughter. Now I have a 3+ year old and an 8 month old.

    He has moved out of the house and we have signed a Separation Agreement.

    My eldest daughter is being told that he broke the marriage rule and while he is a good daddy he is a bad husband…

    She is sad.

    Why does the burden fall on our shoulders to maintain? I am ready to break.

    He goes to Sex Addict meetings and Celebrate Recovery meetings and a therapist…he says he wants to repair us…

    I don’t know what to do at this point.


  131. filthylucre

    First, I would have to ask why you\’re sharing anything about this with your 3-year-old daughter? All she would need to know is that he is living somewhere else for a short time. There is not reason to lessen her respect for her father for the sake of making you feel better. I can\’t imagine the damage you have done to this girl.

    I\’m sorry if I seem judgmental on this, I usually try to sympathize with the wife who has been cheated on, but telling a 3-year-old girl that her father is someone who can\’t be trusted…you might as well get her a pole to practice on, and an abusive alcoholic to start dating.

    Second, if you\’re husband is really going through all this to make himself better, then maybe you should consider putting some effort in yourself. There is not doubt that he is the one who screwed this up, but it will take both of you to save the marriage.


  132. Claire

    Actually he was the one who came up with the “broke the marriage rule” thing. He was living in the guest bedroom for two weeks or so after I found out and she wanted to know where he went at night, he told her he was going to school adn church to become a better man because he had broken the marriage rule.

    I certainly am not telling her anything to make myself feel better – and yes, that seems a little judgemental on your end.

    She understands that and she also understands he loves her very much and he is a good daddy.

    I don’t know if I want to save the marriage.


  133. Ciares conscience

    I'm sorry Claire but I find it a little hard to believe he told you to tell his daughter that,and even if he did it's up to you to protect her. I agree with Ed. I thinlk you enjoyed dragging his name through the mud. Just be honest!


  134. C.J

    Hi Ed & Co,

    I now this is an old thread but hope I can get some sort of advice. Came across this sit whilst trying to get some sense/advice from google.

    I have to say I was shocked, saddened and in some ways felt comfort that I am not alone in this situation.

    Reading these entries was like reading my story. Identical with the feelings of betrayal, shock, horror and physical sickness all the women described. Identical in the way when I confronted my fiancé, I got denial right up until I showed the physical proof. Denied, denied, denied and made he indicated that I was mad/wrong – he was adamant he had not visited any web sites etc. Lucky I was smart enough to copy and save emails I had found where he had sent mails to women from Craig List. Before he deleted them.

    My story: (sorry will try not to ramble)

    We are both in our early 30’s and have been together just over a year. He asked me to marry him 4 months after dating and quickly moved in together. We were inseperable, almost to the point of obsession with each other. We were the couple that outsiders described as having the perfect relationship they wanted, full of passion & love.

    3 months ago I noticed in the history of our home computer he was viewing singles porn sites and found a site where he had uploaded explicit photos of himself. I confronted him that night and he said he was sorry, BEGGED me to stay etc etc. I left him the following day and he besieged me with calls/text saying all the stuff I was hoping (like everyone else described, I’ll get help/this will never happen again/I will delete etc) Like a fool I believed him.

    We attended relationship counselling and after only 2 meetings she graduated us. She said she could see that he was committed to us, we didn’t need to return as she could he had had learnt his lesson and felt he would never go down that path again. As she was a professional, I believed her.

    Fast forward 3 months and I checked his email history and saw that he emailed a hooker from craig list asking for rates & services. Once again, my heart exploded and the old feelings of betrayel returned. I confronted him, he denied it, and I left.

    This was 2 weeks ago and I am struggling to breathe, left alone, live.

    Problem is, I still love him. Can he change?
    Can we be saved?


  135. C.J

    PS: I should add, that the main difference between me and the other posters is we BOTH had a very high sex drive. We would have sex DAILY sometimes 3-4 per day, i never denied him anything, as in i wore outfits, did everything he wanted (nothing degrading). We had sex everyday for more than 365 days…..

    we appeared compatible in every sense of the word. I miss him so so much. :(


  136. just say no

    I'm so sorry. I wish to hell men wouldn't get married if they want to lead these life styles of visiting hookers and strippers. Just say fukkin NO to marriage or break it off in a relationship to save the woman any bullshit down the line! We can do bad on our own and will definatly survive if you say no to marriage or a relationship with us! I understand they have addictions or whatever but PLEASE fukkin save other people your lies and bullshit. Life is to short for us to waste our time with men who lie and cheat!

  137. CJ, it sounds like you did what you could, and that once again this is a guy who just wants what he wants. I’m sure he expects you to be faithful and honest, but he doesn’t think he should be held to the same rules of marriage.

    Someone like you is not going to have a hard time finding someone better. Not every guy is like this.


  138. junco

    Yes, unfortunately it is different and for good family reasons. The double standard is based on the age-old understanding that, as the Victorians expressed it, "men bring home no bastards." The modern idea that equality means that both sexes are the same just isn't true, much as we might want it to be. The same behaviour, sleeping around, can have much more serious consequences for women than for men. The risks that females take in having sex with men other than their SO are of a different order that those taken by men. That's probably why the stigma attached to it is commensurate with its possible effects.


  139. Steve

    I have such a tough time with all the (mostly) women who are in such turmoil over their husbands cheating on them! Have a look in the mirror! Are you someone YOU would like to be with?
    I had to face that very reality my wife is a chronic cheater! She came clean on a couple of her affairs and turned my world up side down! I had two options stick around and be the man she needed! Or tell her to pack her bags! I stuck around! Started working out and getting into better shape, spending quality time with her only to find out it still wasn’t enough! SO I told her if some thing interests you do it! Tell me about it and use a bit of discretion, maybe once a year kinda thing.
    She has and she is much more tolerable in three years she’s been with one guy.
    However! When I went out, spent time with a girl. My wife raged and fumed! Screaming crap of betrayal and disrespect. It has burdened my life immensely! Now I have an even larger madonna whore complex built up in my mind! That spiel in the article about man subconsciously making his wife into his mother is close to the point. It is really a unavoidable natural relationship trait. The man provides for the home, the woman creates the home with what the man provides! Soon children come into the picture and the women adapt less time is left for the man. Life exhausts couples and when they do get free time they crash become selfish. Soon the nagging begins, budgets are applied and dreams get quenched! Suddenly the man’s world hasn’t changed other than his responsibilities, but his sexual lover (wife) is now his mother telling him what he can and what he cannot do!


  140. Steve

    C.J. He won’t change, You can love him but realize he needs more then You are willing to offer. Changing him will make him into someone you didn’t fall in love with!
    Essentially he requires more raw sexuality in a relationship, essentially taboo quickies like couples have when they first get together! Its a pheromone chemical interaction, releasing dopamine and other endorphins making you feel gooood! Less of the romance novel/movie build up and foreplay.
    Women require less of the raw sex part …. enjoy it but require the part men are looking for.
    THAT SAID! A relationship requires give and take to stay on top if you just take you will take you and your relationship off balance and will both have to struggle to get back on top!


  141. Jane

    Continued…My question is: I want full physical custody – we will have joint custody, but I want full physical custody – where they reside with me, i make all of the medical, educational decisions,and I want child support.
    Since my husband has been involved with this – does this increase my chances of getting full physical custody of my girls? I cannot have my beautiful daughters involved in this potentially dangerous lifestyle. I fear for my own safety and theirs. I do not know who these women are or who they are associated with. I have documentation that my husband discusses my children with these prostitutes!!!

    Any advice anyone has one from a personal experience, please share.


  142. C.J

    Awww Jane, firstly * hugs * from cyber space. Im the above poster who has also experienced the shock, anger & grief you must be feeling (along with a thousand other emotions).

    Secondly, I, like you , decided to leave and for that I say WELL DONE. I understand it is hard, but I read all of these posters with interest and a majority decided to stay with them. Im not judging anyone, but I don’t feel that these men deserved second, third and maybe more chances. The ladies deserve better. (I’d be interested to find out how everyone is going now…especially as a lot of time has passed….i have sooo many questions, did they do it again? Were they able to rebuild the trust? Are they still together? Anyways, I digress)

    Anyway, you sound like a strong woman and do not deserve to be treated like this by the man you love. Not sure what art of the world you’re in, but have you tried talking to a solicitor/lawyer about your legal rights and options? You should be able to get free advice over the phone hopefully.

    Definitely try and research all options and ask your friends/relatives if they have any contacts in the legal world that can point you in the right direction.

    I wish you luck, and time will help. Surrounds yourself with loved ones. Strength to you and your girls x


  143. JoS

    Over the last two years I have suffered at the hands of a sex addict – he had no idea until 3 weeks ago, but I've been haunted by it for 5 years (only been with the man 8 years, had a child with him 5 years ago and got married 3 years ago). I have been taking anti-depressants because he convinced me he wasn't doing anything. I've contracted Chlamydia because he had unprotected sex and then blamed me (god alone knows what else – still waiting for the HIV tests etc). I've found texts to prostitiutes setting up meetings which he has denied (just curious didn't do anything). We've been in therapy because I have PMDD and through this, just 4 weeks ago, I asked him to leave. So when I told him I couldn't do this anymore, he bad-mouthed me to everyone. I then miraculously found a book he had purchased "Out of the Shadows". I feel god told me to look in his drawer and there it was. Sex addiction has to be an illness – what sane man spends £15k on prostitutes when he has a willing and loving wife at home? My husband has chosen internet pornography and online sex when I have been waiting for him in bed for sex. Like you I feel cheated, betrayed, angry.


  144. JoS

    I don't blame the women – they are providing a service to sick men. I no longer blame myself. The man is an addict and he is sick. I hope he finds his peace and I pray for a recovery for him. I will not be around as a wife for him though, his betrayal is too profound.
    Ed, I can only think that you are right in that men and women have different expectations on marriage, but that is not an excuse for using prostitutes, nor is it defensible. I have every respect for the women who choose to service men in this way, if thats what they truly want to do and are truly in control (ie not trafficked, stolen children, drug addicts, alcoholics etc etc). But this whole way of being for the men who use them, their wives and and children, the women who prostitute themselves KILLS people. I've been convinced of my own insanity and tried to kill myself with alcohol and prescription drugs – but its not me who is mad. Rather my sex addicted husband.
    If it helps anyone else – you're not alone – the stats say one in ten men do this. Reach out for your sisters and hug them – help them. No man who loves you and who is sane would ever do this.


  145. itiseverywhere

    Well I know most of you may not like my point of view, but I have a story also….. I caught my boyfriend of 3 years – he had been with a prostitute, he didn't deny it. I was hurt and thought it was the end of our relationship. I thought about it and decided to sit and talk to him about it instead of just ending things, I love him and we have so much fun together (let me also say we are both 45 yrs old). So I asked him why? What does she do that he felt the need to step out and with a prostitute no less…As he was telling me of his encounter, I wrinkled my nose.. (yes I asked for every detail)….A lot of men have some sexual "kinks" that us normal prudish wives/girlfriends wouldn't dream of doing for them..although we sometimes think we are getting wild and kinky in bed…we are no match for what they get if they pay for a service. So all I asked him for was honesty, I wanted to know when and where he was going. He gets his kinks out a couple times a year and I get honesty and know he will always come home to me. His desire to see a prostitute had nothing to do with me, my looks, my body type or anything else, I was not doing anything wrong – there were just a few sexual things he needed over and above what I could give him or wanted to give him. His encounters do not even usually result in intercourse – he can get that at home, so he figures why pay for it? I don't feel that him being with a prostitute in any way means he loves me any less, I know he loves me with all of his heart….I think we actually have a better relationship since all of this has happened. So ladies, if you truly love your man, sit down with him – I know it hurts, I have been there. But just sit and listen, no yelling or crying – let him tell you why he felt that need or desire..ask questions, let him know how you feel…and work on fixing it if your able….I realize the relationship we have does not work for most…but it seems to work for us……just my opinion….


  146. Cathy

    I recently started dating someone that I have known for three years . 5 months ago he went through a separation and we got together. He is one of the most kind individuals I have met. We moved in together, he has a son who stays with us one week on one week off. Two weeks ago he left his email open and I discovered that he was soliciting hookers online when he was married. When I confronted him he felt ashamed and embarrassed and "outed". I knew from before that he had a terrible marriage, there was no sex he felt trapped etc. So, when he told me this i knew he was sincere and not just saying it as an excuse.
    Initially he tried to tell me that he just went to rub and tugs, but I found another email suggesting otherwise so he came clean.
    I don't know what to do? Should I get out now? I don't know if i can trust this man. He swears he is changed, that i have changed him and that he did it because he was so unhappy. I scared the shit out of him, he never thought anyone would ever catch him. I've forwarded all of the emails to a private email account. If I catch him doing it to me i'll send them off to his ex wife.


  147. Cathy

    I have to say that on some level I agree with you. My boyfriend has not cheated on me, yet (that i know of) But, I'm workig on discovering why he cheated on his wife, beyond the fact that they were unhappy. He watches tons of porn, which does not bother me. He is into very kinky stuff, which i love doing too. So maybe he will not do it to me. Our sex life is fantastic. But I agree about the communication…the more you talk about what you need…the better it will be. I don't think personally that I would be able to allow him to go see a prostitute. I am too concerned about the health risks. I just asked him to go and get tested, knowing he has been having sex with a high risk population.


  148. Morgan

    Cathy, I totaly agree with you. I honestly don't know why some of these women consider a hooker ( a transaction) a threat I think most of the time they can work this out…no hooker will ever fall in love with your hubby and men don't go to them to make them breakffast the next morning My husband and his friend used different ones each time so it didn't even have any thing to do with the hooker they choose. A mistress or anyother woman who is havinga REAL relationship with your hubby is when you might as well let it go….I think a hooker is a lot less of a threat!


  149. Lala

    Ummm, Morgan, sorry I call BS. I cant speak for all women, but for myself (having been there, so I KNOW the pain that goes with it – I left him) the biggest stab in the heart and hurt was the lies and conniving behind your back. If you are happy for your man to stick his peen in someone else and then come home to you, power to you, but this for me is un-acceptable.

    Are you happy to risk diseases and STI’s? You have no respect for yourself, and nor does your man. Is these the values you were raised with?


  150. Morgan

    Lala….. I didn't say it wasn't devastating just that I would find a mistress who has an emotional affair much more upsetting. My husband saw hookers off and on for two years that I knew of,after he told me about it he was tested and had nothing thank god. We even went back after the window period,still clean.

    Then he had an affair with a the vice prsident of his company. He had been seeing her for one month before I got herpes and (gonorea) spelling? sorry. She was the one who ended up giving it to both of us,she was married and on a website that supports infidelity called Ashley Madison.com so she was banging other married men behind her hubbys back….never had to worry about the whores just the VP of his company who later sent my kids naked pictures of her. I ended up pressing charges and a restraining order,so my point was the whores were alot less of a threat and the VP was the disease infested whorw in the end. BTW I use "my husband" in the past tense,other than this I won't repond back to the baiting comments you made. I'm not into internet cat fights


  151. Lala

    Oh wow Morgan, so sorry that you husband put you through this. And to give you herpes, my gosh, I cant imagine what it’s like to have that reminder for the rest of your life. What a pig (your husband, not you. Oh, and if you still have the photos of the whore that sent your kids photos (What a class act. Not.) You should set up a fake account advertising her phone number or something).

    Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound aggressive towards you, it just makes me so mad to read or hear of stories where someone has had an affair (with a friend, colleague, heck ANYONE) where they go behind your back and lie, and appear to lead double lives, then when caught, they continue to lie until they are presented with evidence and lie again saying ‘ooooh, it will never happen again, im sorry blah blah blah’ and a majority of us believe them because we love them.

    And THEN! In a matter of time, they do it again……Im glad I left my ex, as with all the above posters, he probably would have done it again (ooops, I have a sex addiction, I relapsed) Im sorry that you forgave your husband for him to only do it again.

    For me, an affair is an affair, regardless of if it’s with a stranger, friend, colleague etc, a hooker (though not emotional as some argue) is still bad enough as there is money exchanged. Money that should be spent towards YOU as a family.


  152. brenda

    Ive just found out that my husband has been using the internet to view porn and look at spanking and humiliation sites and has actually been to a prostitute to act out his fantasies. To say I was shocked is an understatement! We have been married for nearly 20 years and have 3 children, I cant say that our marriage has been a bed of roses as I have also had to deal with the fact that my husband was drinking behind my back but despite this I thought we could make it work. I feel such an idiot for putting up with all his crap for him to turn around and visit prostitutes for kinky sex.


  153. Passion

    HI Ed,

    It's me again; the one who did not sign up officially with this site because I did not see how to. Well, right after typing that comment, I found how I could join. I guess my brain is so stressed at times, that I do not see straight, but if you could please tell me if I would be anonymous on your site, I would love to tell my story and receive the great comments and feedback that I have been reading.

    Thanks a bunch!


  154. Marcy

    Passion. RELAX!!! He's not going to post your info plus you make up a user name and you can EVEN make up a email ding dong!. You act like you're being screened by the CIA. It's a freakin intenet website board, There's hundreds of comments on here….slow down! post a comment,wrie your user name and a fake email if you want…..jesus


  155. Marcy

    If you delete cookies what are the odds your narcissist is going to come to this board out of millions on the web and read all these comments?


  156. Miki

    I recently found out my husband of 15 years has been cheating on me with prostitutes. I found receipts to cheap hotels and lots of cash withdrawals from his business acct. He has looked me in my eyes and lied to me for years. He and I have always had a great sex life or so I thought. I, too love sex and want it often! Im a good catch with the ability to take care of myself! Of course he’s sorry and remorseful but that’s just too damn bad! I want be taking this crap from anyone! So I kicked his butt out and I’ll take the new freedom to continue to raise our son and advance my career! I’ve been fooled for years and he would have continued if it weren’t for that 1 day I accidentally saw his acct! I’m grateful for that day! So ladies stop giving these jerks the knives to stab you in the back over and over again! I loved my husband but I love me more. I respect me even If he doesn’t. He proved it by doing it over and over again. Men don’t be crying and declaring your love when you get caught… You knew it was wrong before you took the 1st step but you did it anyway. If you’re going to be stupid… Be tough and accept the consequences of your actions! I don’t care why you did it… The fact is you did. Ladies run away from this crap and love yourselves! I feel free now!


  157. Tim

    Maybe if you acted more like a girl friend he wouldn't have had to look for one. Not throwing stones, just something to ponder.


  158. Miki

    I won’t ponder such nonsense- I’m not his girlfriend…. I deserve the respect he promised me! Risking my life and his ….why not act more like a honorable man? I am curious about what part of what I said made you suggest this?


  159. lied to

    I never thought anything until my husband left his phone on counter and went to work out.He always had a password on but this time i could see the phone wasnt locked,Lets just say it didnt take long to find text messages from multiple numbers that were extremely explicit.I decided to a search on the numbers,most of them came up anonamous but was able to find one that matched 954 899 5683 or ironically 954 899 love.I come to find out this hooker has been getting cash from my husband for a long time and playing him while he was playing me.I am glad i can vent on this site although i have been helping to make her life a living hell like mine.I found out her identity julia m rabolli a realtor by day i suppose and a hooker whenever some asshole pays her to suck or f…. or god only knows what.Anyways i find out shes a nova student and payed a p.i. to watch my asshole husband and her.lets just say her school,her work,her family and anyone i can find knows who she really is now and my husband has his coming also.Im gonna hit him where it really counts,his wallet.p.s. for any other wives out there the irs loves to know about these prostitutes and getting cash without reporting it.have fun with your caash and probably stds


  160. A M

    Prostitutes, sex, needing something exciting, that is not the problem, that is not why these men are selfih, irresponsible, worthless pigs.

    It is the lying. The constant lies. I offered an open relationship to my fiance. I know full well one person might not be able to meet all of another's sexual needs and desires. He refused. He wanted no other people in our relationship. I agreed to accept this as part of our marriage agreement.

    Until he decided to go to strip clubs and prostitutes to have his fun.

    He only wanted ME to be faithful while he did whatever his dick felt like doing. That is unacceptable. It is the lying, saying I love you, I am faithful, then having sex with someone else. THAT is absolute disrespect for someone. THAT is betrayal. Manipulating and lies are NEVER acceptable in a relationship. A man going to a prostitute is one thing. Lying to make his wife ignorant and keep his happy home is cruel to the point of evil.


  161. Lola

    Tim the point is if she's not acting "like the girlfriend or wife" he has in mind…it's his responsibility to shit or get off the dam pot! Communicate! If he doesn't want to and wants out then get the FUKK OUT! but don't deceive the partner that your still in a relationship with! TRUST ME! We women will survive BETTER without you and the infidelity!! We can do bad all by ourselves! BTW A prostitte is not a girlfriend substitute!!

  162. I never thought anything until my husband left his phone on counter and went to work out.He always had a password on but this time i could see the phone wasnt locked,Lets just say it didnt take long to find text messages from multiple numbers that were extremely explicit.I decided to a search on the numbers,most of them came up na but was able to find one that matched 954 899 5683 954 899 5683 or ironically 954 899 love.I come to find out this hooker has been getting cash from my husband for a long time and playing him while he was playing me.I am glad i can vent on this site although i have been helping to make her life a living hell like mine.I found out shes julia m rabolli a realtor icey realty by day I suppose and a hooker whenever some asshole pays her to suck or f…. or god only knows what.Anyways I find out shes a nova student and payed a p.i. to watch my asshole husband and her.lets just say her school,her work,her family and anyone i can find knows who she really is now and my husband has his coming also.Im gonna hit him where it really counts,his wallet. for any other wives out there the irs loves yo get info on prostitutes getting cash and u get a %


  163. please!

    give me a break bitch…blame the guys who make the calls!! The problem lies in the marriage idiot


  164. none

    you probably will get an STD bitch hopefully aids so none of us have to read yor same shit and reposts over and over! I'd cheat on you too ya skank..the hookers probably gorgeous hahahaha


  165. Nobodysfool

    My man is one of these ” sex addict” scumbags – and I do indeed blame him – but the meat he drools on doesn’t get a free pass, either. Thanks so much to the lady who gave the advice about turning sperm receptacles in to the IRS. Don’t forget to have a chat with police, politicians and your local fundamentalist church or mosque. It won’t stop the sleaze, but it will put a cramp in their style. Women need to stop being so “understanding.” For the nameless toiletdweller who posted above me: Physical beauty is so fleeting. Sometimes it’s gone in a matter of seconds.


  166. Marge

    stop being a bitch Dana,for a prostitute to come here and give some insight is beneficial and something some wives want to hear,please don't ruin it for the rest of us. My husband ruined my marriage not the 100's of women he saw,for her to come here is brave .Now grow up!


  167. jamie

    Julie you're a fricken idiot. MEN are the ones who choose to do this. MEN are the ones who create the demand for this business. MEN are the ones who surf the internet looking to find a suitable sex professional. Are you blind or just plain dumb? There will always be women with financial needs or who want to improve their lives. I know many women who've worked in this industry and they LAUGH at these men who spend tons of money on them.
    Oh and by the way, a lot of the girls do work, are highly educated, and only do this on a part time basis.


  168. jamie

    These women are not "underclass citizens" you idiot. They are professional intelligent business women who make tons of money. If she charges let's say $400/hr and sees 5 clients a week, well I'm sure you can see how quickly that adds up. You have no right to judge them. If you've ever watched porn, gone to a strip bar, or slept with a sex professional than you need to shut your fricken mouth because you have supported the industry. YOU and and all of the other men who support this industry are total hypocrites for bad mouthing the ladies, who by the way think that YOU are the scum of the earth.
    And yes men are all "sexually driven", AKA pigs and dogs. Let's use a term that's politically correct. The only difference is the man who restrains himself because he has morals and self control.
    "unconditional" means paid actress. She pretends to like you because you're paying her to give you a good experience.
    I cannot believe how retarded these comments are. Rock on Amanda, make your dough and laugh at these idiots.


  169. jamie

    Tricia I feel so bad for you. This man is a cheater and will keep cheating. You will never be able to trust him.
    If he cheats once and feels bad about it, that's one thing. But he's done it several times, tries to blame you for getting fat, and goes online and looks at adds for escorts.
    I know it's not what you want to hear, but the only thing you can do is cheat on him, and see how that makes him feel. Maybe it'll be a good wakeup call. Or you can leave him because he will hurt you for the rest of his life and probably give you an STD. Or put up with it.
    A good man is so hard to find. I keep my husband very satisfied sexually, so he can't complain he doesn't get it. I stay fit and healthy, workout, take care of myself. I think this is very important.


  170. just a person

    The sad this is that if you think you can get over it – I kind of doubt it. My grandfather cheated on my grandfather when they were young. She would call everyone checking in on him to make sure he went where he said he was going until the day he died.
    Now my grandmother has dementia and often thinks I'm her sister. She tells me her side of the story. About how my grandfather was in the military and if she would have cheated on him or left him that she would have been looked down on, but everyone just accepted that he was a man and that it was alright. My grandfather used to just pick fight with my grandfather so he could leave and then wouldn't say where he was for the hours he was missing.


  171. just a person

    The amazing thing is that my dad is the complete opposite. I think my dad was afraid to be like his father. He doesn't even think people should have close friends of the opposite sex. He believes you should never go to someone of the opposite sex for advice or comfort about problems with your marriage (unless they are gay) or any emotional topic. He always said, why would I talk it out with someone other than your mother? I wish I had found someone more like my father. Unfortunately, I married someone more like my grandfather. Which is what I'm dealing with now and why I found this forum. When we got married, I thought he was just like my father. I've discovered a lot of secrets in the last year.


  172. hey!

    Tarts? How old are you and who the hell uses that word? You sound like a dmb old bitch!


  173. Reality Girl

    I caught my domestic partner of 10 years (a male, I'm a female) trying to email a prostitute…excuse me, escort. He canceled the email and told me that he wasn't even going to send it – AFTER I caught him typing it into his computer. So technically, he did not meet THAT particular escort.

    Then, several months later, I DID catch him meeting an escort. Sure, he lied at first and even accused me of snooping (a sure indicator that I was on the right track)…but I ferreted out the truth by noticing his gaps in information and reading body language.

    Finally, he admitted that he sees escorts. He has been doing so for around 4-5 years now. He says only 1 time every 4 to 6 months, but I suspect more often. He tried to make me believe that he thought it was OK for him to do this. He even assured me that he uses a condom, even during oral sex.

    One peculiar thing…when I suggested we both seek "fulfillment, for variety" outside the relationship, he said "No!" This makes me believe that he feels that what he has been doing is wrong, and that he had never thought about my acceptance of the situation as long as I could do the same. I have to admit that there has been no sex between us for quite some time. Perhaps this is due to visits to hotels with escorts? You think???

    I am hurt by the betrayal of trust. I also feel that the intimacy is destroyed in our relationship. Am I happy with all other aspects of the relationship? The answer is YES. In face, if he would agree to let us both seek sex outside the relationship with full disclosure about this, the situation would be ideal for me.

    Do NOT believe that your fiance will be faithful to you after having to address this situation so soon in your relationship. This is not a mere curiosity on his part. He fully intends to fulfill this fantasy. Mark my words so that you are not surprised when you eventually find out.


  174. Reality Girl

    My Partner said he was just looking at the sites, like porn.

    Then I caught him paying escorts on a regular basis.

    Don't believe it!


  175. Reality Girl

    If two people have a "contract" (verbally or implied) to be honest with each other, than it IS WRONG when one of the people breaks that "contract".

    What is your problem in understanding this?


  176. Reality Girl

    It is a messed up situation you are in. That should be addressed post haste.

    If you are lying to your woman, or betraying her trust…this is making a bad situation much worse!

    You can't feel good about this. And your woman will feel something is "wrong" between you two and not be able to explain this – even questioning her own instincts; but believe me, she feels something is amiss.

    You seem to be living a lie. Are you now happy?


  177. Reality Girl

    I feel your pain. Some things you said were very revealing about my own situation.

    You gave me a lot to think about. I can see that there is a pattern in that my partner also made me feel that I was "invading his privacy" and "spying". I believe that was when my instincts were set off, making me observant of any clues.

    I was told the same thing about "impotence" as an excuse for not desiring sex. I also am living with a man that feels "entitlement". This may be a trait. I do see the patterns and caution women if they see these same cues.

    Thank You.


  178. Reality Girl

    My situation mirrors yours in so many ways.

    Thank You for the Comment.


  179. wants head

    I'm considering it because my wife refuses to blow me. Our sex life has become routine – the schedule, the sequence of events, everything. I really love her. I wish she could learn the technique somehow. FWIW, I give her oral every time. I get none. I'm thinking of outsourcing it.


  180. Brian

    I've read a lot of the comments. There doesn't seem to be very much from the men. I've screwed things up with my wife and thereby screwed things up with my kids, although they don't know it yet. I've slept with prostitutes and here's the thing that so many posters on the site don't believe – I really love my wife. I do compartmentalise the sex with escorts and my home life. I've noticed that I arrange to see them when I'm under a lot of pressure. It's complete fantasy and escapism. This isn't an excuse I'm just explaining why, its just the way it is. I accept that I've got a flaw, several flaws, and it is something that I've been trying to control but haven't been able to. We do all have choices, no one put a gun to my head and made me do this. I have a wonderful wife, wonderful kids and from the outside I have a wonderful life. I feel lucky. So why do I go and put all this at risk? That's one for me.


  181. Brian

    One of the things that bothers me about a lot of the replies is that there seems to be no scope for someone to have problems. Men who on most levels are good husbands and good fathers are shallow narcissists when their visits to escorts are found out. And yet the statistics quoted in the original article would seem to indicate that most men fall into this category. For me visits to escorts are just about sex, and stress relief. There is no attachment. For some of the posters they were clearly in bad/indifferent relationships. There also seem to be some that were not bad until the visits were found out. Sometimes I think that we want to know too much about each other. The truth is all important. The truth can hurt though and sometimes it is better not to ask the question in case the answer isn't what you wanted it to be. In actual fact people never tell each other everything, not because they don't want to be honest with each other but because they don't want to hurt each other. Anyway, I just thought I'd throw this out there. In the meantime I'm trying to rescue my marriage. I recognise that my behaviour has caused the problem. I wish I could find a way to fix both my marriage and my behaviour.


  182. hurting

    J I feel your pain. I just recently found out my husband has been seeing escorts. No wonder he wants a separation! He has probably been living a double life for the last 2 years (that I know of). I have not confronted him with what I know. I am considering divorce. I no longer feel happy or confident. This has hurt me beyond anything else. :(


  183. Tormented Wife

    We only married for 1 year and 8 months. I cannot believe this is happening to me!!!

    Last Saturday noon, my husband and I went to a walk. During the walk, he received a text message. I looked the text message. The message was from an escort. It says " $150/hr incall" with xoxo and the escort name. After I saw the message, I was really shocked and did not know what to say. I was in silence for at least several minutes and tried to control my emotion. After the dead silence, I asked him. Why she texted you, do you know her? He said he had no clue and he does not know who she is. I did not say anything.
    After we got home, he went to the bath room. Several minutes later, he came out and showed me the phone. There is a text message from the escort: she had caste on and mistakenly text the message. I asked him that if he texted her and he said "no". I did not believe.
    After he showed me this message, it really made me more suspicious about this.I started to look into the phone records, I found there 4 outgoing calls to the escort number and one incoming call from the escort. Texted messages from her and to her. I went to him said you did text her. And he said I just want to tell her that I do not know her.
    In the night, I called the number using his phone. The escort did not answer the call. I hang up. In one minute or so, she called back and I did not answer the call. She left a voice mail and address him by using his first name and said, " sorry to miss you call and give me a call back". I asked my husband why she has your number and knew your name. I asked him to approve that he does not know her.
    I requested my husband to set an appointment with her and I would go with him. He picked up the phone and call her and starting to leave the voice like… I do not know you and why you are calling. He was sending her message. I was really upset and hurt!!! It totally showed that he went to her service for sex.
    It has been 4 days from my initial discovery. He would not admit that he used escort, and he insisted that the escort is mistakenly him for someone else. I totally do not buy it.
    Can you help to tell me if he used this escort service? It keeps circling around in my head especially after I found her picture online.

    I am miserable and tormented!!!!!


  184. Tanya

    my oh my, having read all the comments and also having trawled through forums such as this for some time now, i've drawn one conclusion – sadly once a cheat always a cheat.

    The question for the victims is, can you live with it or can't you. Personally, I have accepted it as a part of my life. I have a wonderful partner, loving, caring, attentive, great sex life but somehow or another he's always found a way to cheat (grabbing an extra hour after footy with the boys on a wednesday night, or an extra hour before picking up his daughter for our fortnightly weekend visitations with her). He's sorry, I have no doubt he loves and adores me, but for reasons I don't think i'll ever figure out, he needs something more than just me. Course it breaks my heart, it eats me up, sometimes I just want to die and I feel like i'll implode with all the stuff that goes on in my head. Most of the time its life as usual.

    Accept it or don't – they never change. 2nd chances do give them a licence to continue.


  185. Kim

    I had followed my boyfriend a few times and two of the times, it lead to a massage parlor. The massage parlor is only 2 minutes away from his office! He must have felt he won the lottery. I saw 4 guys come through in less than 30 minutes. All looking like decent looking men. Disgusting men! We live together and he denied it after I confronted him. He said he was dropping off the mail since a mailbox was near the vincinity. He lies and lies and if this was not a credible reason, he will think of something else. We have been together for over 5 years and I decided two days ago that I was above all of HIS issues. Women need to refocus on our needs and our life. I am 39 years old and I can not imagine living with this for years. A question for the ladies who stayed…..Don't you remember ever being in love and knowing your significant other felt the same? Don't you want this again?


  186. Kim

    I empathize and I hope women will be strong enough to leave. I know it's easier for me to say this because I do not have children with him. I am an indepenent woman who worked for the last 20 years so I can say I can support myself. Women….get counseling or join a woman's support group. This will give you the courage to leave. You don't deserve this! You should be appreciated and be loved! This has helped me and I will read comments from everyone to move on.


  187. been there

    Let me simplify all of this for you. These men screw hookers because they are Narcissists. LIke Don Draper, they only like the "beginnings" of things when the woman gushes over them and there is the tingle of excitement in the air. They are incapable of being grown ups, get bored with normal life and feel a strong sense of entitlement to get back their lost youth that they blame their wives for taking from them. These men are not capable of real relationships, they are emotional cripples so they prefer prostitutes because they are messed up in the head like them. A Narcissist can only have relationships with someone they look down on. Equal partnerships are not their thing but they will fake it and get married to fit the societal norm then do this on the side. I learned this the hard way when I checked out my partner's cell phone after years of suspicious behavior. Unlike most men he wasn't apologetic but rather because belligerent and hostile and tried to blame me. He has no concern for the pain he has caused me and therefore he is a narcissist. Don't feel bad ladies, the same thing happened to Christie Brinkley and she's way hotter than any of us. This can happen to anyone.

  188. Hey, let’s leave Don Draper out of this. He’s a hell of a guy, and my personal role model.


  189. please help

    Does anyone have any experience with suing the prostitute? I live in North Carolina.Does alienation of affection apply here? My husband used a whore in Chicago on his business trips there,took her to dinner,shopping ect… I even found the emails this piece of human trash sent him and emails talking about money. These skanks should be put on a Island chained to trees and buried alive. They ruin families.
    My husband gave her over $87,000 in a two year period. This was half my money and I want it back! He paid for her schooling.

    The disgusting thing is "it" looks like me. I looked "it" up on line and "it" is carey how much "it" looks like me. I called her to tell her I was suing her but "it" keep hanging up on me.

    I'm devastated and heart broken. I'm only 34 and he's 37. He has been kicked out of the house and we're seperated. I'm taking him to the cleaners but going afer her also! Can anyone give me some tips?


  190. Jorian

    Don’t be silly,leave the prostitute alone….however I sympathize with your pain.We all do. By suing her you’ll add to more finacial distress,make her life even worse than it is and this won’t stop her from feeling the financial pressure of continuing to make easy fast money to pay you off….getting a job as a sales girl won’t even remotely pay off your restitution.She won’t get a waitress job with your huge bill..she will continue to sell her body and ruin families if you were able to do that,even though we feel scorned and pissed we don’t want women continuing to sell themselves.Even though my husband was addicted to all this I STILL have womens best interest at heart!

    BTW I think that alienation of affection law is lame,it keeps women as victims! I pulled myself up and so can anyone else,NO VICTIM MENTALITY!

    Go after your husband ONLY!!

    I’m a scorned wife here too but looking at this with a logical rational mind!


  191. Jorian

    Forget the prostitute,this is an impulsuve revenge move.Suiing her and putting more stress or money worries of survival into her life is NOT going to get her out of prostitution it will only make her toss and turn with more ways to make easy fast money to pay you off,and as a result she will be "ruining" more families in the process,alot of those women struggle to get out of that,and trust me when I tell you she wn't just decided to see the livht and get a 9 to 5 waitress job with a huge alienation of affection law suit,that won't even remotely keep her goin with food bills and wahtever . She will CONTINUE to seel herself and ee other womens husbans. Look at the BIGGER picture. This will not help over all humanity or anyone in the picture in the end,it will make matters worse. Go after HIM only. I hope this helps,good luck.


  192. Whatever

    Niicce….so you think its better to be dishonest and un-hurt and live a “lie” than be honest? So basically , say , your wife cheats on you, you would rather her not tell you , correct? People like you should do everyone a favor and stay single!


  193. Udrive2day

    My wife found out that I had visited prositutes and she has asked me to move out as she is now seeing another guy. I have lost the most important person in my life through my own stupidity and selfishness so my message out there to any guy who is doing this is DONT, far better to work on making sure your wife feels safe and secure or you will end up like me, alone and very depressed


  194. Denise

    Help me with this one… Last fall while my husband was away working in another state- I locked myself out of the bedroom and went down to the garage to look for a screw driver. What I found in his toolbox instead were about 35 little slips of paper with women’s names and numbers on them- descriptions of their “type” (ie “girl next door, big busted, etc..) and pricing! ($150 an hour- afternoon specials, etc..) I went to the computer and quickly found where he’d been looking up these escorts on Backpage.com (the one’s he’d clicked on were changed in color and I could tell.) I went through our cell phone records for months and months and was never able to confirm he’d called any of them. Still- who the hell writes down numbers if he isn’t using them or doesn’t plan to? Where’s the jolly in that? But I suspected he’d try to lie his way out of it and so when I confronted him, I told him that the Seattle PD came by looking for him with regard to some escort bust he was involved in. I went so far as to tell him they’d gotten his license plate number and wanted to talk to him! Sure I lied- but I wanted to measure his reaction and scare the truth out of him. He did acknowledge he had visited the sites and written down the numbers- but said there’s no way the police could be looking for him because he had never even called one of them. He didn’t seem particularly worried either. He actually behaved defensively, blaming me for the lack of intimacy and sex in our marriage and took little responsibility. He said that surfing the net and writing down the numbers felt like some sort of revenge every time I turned him down. I am not a stupid woman (was a fraud rep for many years and generally am able to get to the truth quickly.) We have five children (so you know he’s gotten a little tail, eh?) People generally believe my husband loves and adores me- and he is constantly seeking my attention. But it’s been a rough 8 months and I have serious doubts now about who this guy is. Am I just being naive? Does it matter if he followed through or not? And even if he didn’t- was it only a matter of time before he did? I would appreciate some feedback…


  195. Marlene

    Hey dear I divorced my husband a year ago after two years (that I know of) for visiting escorts.He still has a great relationship with the kids but it’s been a long journey. The way I found out was he was in the shower and his cell phone in his office kept buzzing with a text. I looked at the text and it read “hey sweetie can you pick up some condoms on your way over ..I just relaized I have none and remember you’re getting two hours for $300 ,see you at noon xoxoxo Julia.”

    Yup I knew what was up from the start showed him and told him to get his shit and get our,he did and he couldn’t lie. He never lived in that house again. We went to counseling six months later to work stuff out for the sake of our children and we did.

    It doesn’t matter if he just had numbers trust me he has seen some and the way he is dealing with his anger for you is SO passive agressive. The one thing I learned is that if someone isn’t healthy and comfortable enough in communitcatin ghow they feel and talking to you about stuff you will NEVER have a sincere relationship because for them it will all be covert agression ! Thats not fair to you,he can’t talk to you instead of lashing out like a emotionally under developed child. Consider counseling and getting to the core of the probelm and him learning to communicate with you about stuff but if he has no desire or interest MOVE ON AND GET OUT!!! It will never get better because you’ll never know how he feels about stuff or who he really is.!


  196. Denise

    I agree with much of what you said. The description of your guy sounds pretty much like mine. Emotionally immature and a strong sense of entitlement to that lovey dovey BS that goes on in the beginning of relationships. His ego knows no bounds and he was also belligerent and unapologetic when caught. Until he realized I was going to burn him to the ground and go after his pension. Now he’s holding on for dear life. Still, whenever the subject comes up he just wants to deny and have me “get over it”. He can barely contained his annoyance and it chaps my hide. He refuses to see that his behavior has stolen my security and that I now see him as a liar and a cad. How the hell do you stay married to that?


  197. Denise

    I barely remember, Kim. We have 5 children and I was a mortgage broker who was once very financially secure and have totally had to rebuild. Finally after years of marriage he has a steady income. I feel entitled to have some financial support for once. And I need it. Besides- I don’t really believe that the next relationship will be any better. Unless I decide to go lesbian. I am almost 50 and have been married twice. Yes- I wish I could wave the wand and be free to make choices based on my feelings and not my economic condition. It really is no fun sleeping next to someone that I suspect is a louse. On top of everything else that has happened to me (loss of home, career and sense of purpose) now I have this jerk-off to worry about. Ugh.


  198. Denise

    I am almost 50 and have been around the block a few times. It has been VERY hard for me to believe he didn’t partake. He swears it on his grandmother’s grave and has offered to take a polygraph test. He even went crying over to my parent’s house to beg for forgiveness and swore he did not follow through. Not that it matters much- since his desire was the same. He initially said he’d go to counseling- but hasn’t followed through at all. But he maintains before God that he’s been faithful to me in this marriage.

    I will say that the last 3 years of our marriage has been very difficult. Not only did I lose a very lucrative career and our dream home- I have been mired in deep depression and have not felt sexual. I am not making excuses- but I do acknowledge that I have not been an attentive partner.

    I would love to just take your advice and “get out”- but economically I cannot afford to do so at this time. He finally has a job that can support us (after years of me being the bread winner.) We have a little girl that adores and needs him, too. We are just starting to get better financially and a split would cause total destruction.

    During our marriage- I have always felt chased by my husband. His mother deserted him as a child and he constantly wants attention. I don’t want to psycho babble here- but yes, he’s emotionally immature and very covertly aggressive. He has said and done a lot of mean spirited things to me over the years. And I suppose that has also contributed to my shutting down the fun park.

    Can you tell me what happened after you went to counseling and if you were ever able to resume your relationship with him in any meaningful way?


  199. Denise

    I’d like to know from you at what point you decided this was a good idea? Were you just walking along one day and it came to you- or had you frequented hookers before you married and thought you could keep running game on her? You are correct about one thing- once a woman’s security and trust is shaken- she will find it very hard to live with this. Was there ever a time you felt bad about this- or did you get some high off of being sneaky and nasty? I realize you’re suffering now and that’s why the regret- but did you ever stop to think about how this would affect her if she found out? I really want to understand your logic- if there was any?


  200. Anonymous

    Denise, I’m normally all about calling these guys out on their b.s.. I love it when they get caught red-handed and claim it’s the first and only time it happened, or when they get caught and deny everything, even though their wife has no doubt and has plenty of proof.

    But I can’t help think that maybe you caught this before it did go too far. If he left so many trails on his computer, and didn’t make calls from his phone, then it’s quite possible he didn’t do anything. And realize that even if he did, it’s not just himself he would be protecting, he obviously doesn’t want to lose his marriage.

    With just reading what you wrote, I can tell that you are not just hurt, but you pride yourself on not being a fool. And in a way, being made a fool, especially by someone you love, would hurt more than the cheating itself. But you may need to turn your ego off a bit to get through this.

    You have been married a long time, you have 5 children together, so you have a lot to hold on to. And right now the only one with the power to throw that away is you.

    I’m not saying you should just let this go, and by no means do you deserve to be treated this poorly, but maybe take that leap of faith with him, and let him know that’s what you’re doing. I’m telling you, if this guy loves you, that will stick with him and likely keep him from moving forward with these women.

    I’m not a big fan of counseling. It’s not that I don’t think it’s valuable, I just don’t think most guys really commit to the process and look at it as a form of punishment. And let’s face it, when given an ultimatum because they got caught doing something wrong, that’s what it is. But it’s clear that you two are not communicating at the level you used to, and need to.

    I understand that you’re not the one who screwed up here, but maybe it would be best to not point fingers and deal with the underlining issue. Go away together, or at least start committing yourself to spending more time alone together. Find out what’s going on in his head and try to make things better for you both.

    Don’t give up on the guy because he stashed a few phone numbers. I never got married because I believed it takes more work than I would be abel to give a relationship. This is the hard part, work through it. I have seen couples do it, and their relationships are always stronger on the other side.


  201. Denise

    Thank you for that. I actually believe he didn’t take it that far- but was definitely fantasizing about it. And you are correct- my pride is bruised and I am torturing us both now.

    Although I’ve known all this time- we were at a holiday party over the fourth where one of his co-workers (a female) brought it up to me. It ripped the scab of an old wound and made me wonder why he was confiding in this woman. Although after spending 2 days with her- I realize that she is no threat to my marriage and was probably a good person to “counsel” him.

    We have been through a whole lot in the last three years and I really do not want to continue to doubt him. But I will tell you guys- that’s the problem with this type of behavior. It undermines a woman’s safety and makes her question everything she thought she knew about her husband. I just feel so beat up! And all for what? A damn muscle spasam?

    Anyhow…In will greatly consider what you have written because I do believe it’s sound advice. These last few months we have actually had a better relationship than in a long while. Probably because we are communicating and I am showing interest in his direction. He has been making great efforts also. Thanks again…

  202. [...] coupe years ago, I wrote a blog post about married men who sleep with prostitutes.  The article was getting so many comments that I did a follow up post on how to tell if your [...]


  203. Marlene

    You and I have that in common,just turned 52. I didn’t mean suggest for you or anyone that it would be that simple just to leave. I’m sorry about that. I know there are tons of factors to consider.

    The great thing about this is that you’e not naive to him. We all know people can swear on anyones grave but because they can’t even tell themselves the truth about stuff and lie to tthemselves it’s all words and means nothing so they can tell you anything….blah blah blah is basically what it boils down to. Listen to your intuition.

    You’re staying for your little girl and I commend you for that,all you can do now is maybe put a plan into action ,save money,different work ,a plan to leave in a couple years or when she hits a certain age,basically you just need to take care fot eh two of you)your daughter and you) at this point thats all you can do.

    Start taking really ood care ofyourself and get some counseling for support. You’re not the crazy one.It’s awful being in a realtionship or marrigae with someone covert in their anger..you have to guess what you did wrong. I will NEVER again be with someone who deals with their anger like this!

    I left right away because I was able to ,THANK GOD!!! I’m a laywer and take care of myself and my two kid alone,ones out on their own already but I just couldn’t stay and work it out. He wanted to so bad and was apologetic but I said no,some women stay to work it out thats theeir choice,me NO and I don’t care if she was a prostitute or a secretary it’s all the same to me.

    The counseling consisted of us learnin to both move forward as supportive friends FOR THE CHILDRENS sake ONLY! We talked about ways to work together and support them as a team without ever bashing eachother. This took awhile LOL as me more than him had to get out ALOT of anger,hurt and disappointment.

    I hope that helps,let stay in touch here and keep me posted.


  204. Denise

    Thanks for your comments Marlene. I really do appreciate your feedback.

    But one thing I want to say is that despite it all- I have not discovered any infidelity and have serious doubts that he took it that far.

    I have tortured him for eight moths and continue to watch for signs and drill him. What has happened during this time is that I am giving him more attention and he seems to be excited about that and willing and wanting to talk about our problems. In truth- this is probably the best our relationship has been in many years. Not that I would ever tell him that. But then- he has always doted and fawned over me.

    Don’t think I’m not a self-sustaining gal. I have made a lot of money in my life (far more than he) and now own a business that is doing quite well. Certainly a lot more than he makes. Still- I cannot easily break our family apart.

    I do believe that if I felt he was a total louse who had humiliated me and shamed his family- my foot would be completely up his ass. I am not a tolerant type and although I speak about our youngest daughter- I want you to know that he’s only here because I do believe he has been faithful despite his stupid ass behavior. Guess his one saving grace has been that he loved me much that I have put up with his immaturity.

    All that said- none of us really know what our partners are up to. I will keep you posted!


  205. Marlene

    okay. I’m so happy thing are getting better.I resonded back because you asked about the therapy so I hope that helped other than that I may just stop typing LOL I seem to keep getting under your skin or am I reading more into your response? Thats whats hard about the written word. If so my apologies
    I guess I’m not clear at first I thought you were writing back you knew something more had gone on so I had responded to that and in the last one you made it sound like you’d never quess such a thing,so my apologies for any confusion.

    It doesn’t matter what I think . I don’t know you so self sustaining girl whatever each situation is diffferent and it sound like things are looking up and again keep us posted.

    Good luck Denise


  206. Denise

    Nah Marlene- not under my skin at all! I’m a thick skinned gal! LOL I really do appreciate having someone to talk about this with!

    When I initially found those dirty phone numbers and his trail on the computer- I was really pissed off. I can’t imagine what happened to you! Sheesh! And then the fear struck me… I really am a very married person and family means a lot to me. I guess in some ways it humbled me and made me realize that if he’s not getting it at home- he really will go looking somewhere else. So I must also admit my part in this situation. For a long time I was pretty turned off and tuned out.

    Most of my girlfriends are in their 50′s and single. A lot of them have given up on ever finding a decent fellow. When I think about how limited the options are- I guess working on my marriage and trying to work this out looks better and better. But make no mistake- if I thought he’d jeopardized my health or abused some poor woman who feeds her children by being forced to have sex with old married dudes- I would pull the trigger on this relationship.


  207. Sharon Lykus

    found over 300 numbers in my husbands cell phone record,all leading and most to whores on the internet.He has lied and told me he has no idea who they are. I tired calling some but they hang up or say I have the wrong number. Has anyone gotten the skanky worthless trash to admit what they did with your husband? I want answers so bad.What did you all do after finding these numbers? My husband won’t give me answers.


  208. Anonymous

    Sharon, what answers are you looking for? Clearly your husband has been seeing these women, and I doubt it’s for any purpose outside their normal work duties. What further information do you need from them?


  209. Marlene

    didn’t call the hooker who’s text I found on my husbands cell, because the “skanky worthless trash” didn’t owe me any explanation. The “skanky worthless trash” that lived under my roof and had a commitment to me was the ONLY one I went to for answers.

    What exactly do you want the women YOUR husband seeked out to say to you? There wouldn’t be any right answer to satisfy you, and in all honesty it would just infuriate you even more because more than likely it would turn into a insult fest.

    I’m over some women on here putting that much blame on the prostitute our husbands seeked out.I think it sort of sheds a desperate clueless light on us!

    I’m a DA and have prosicuted some,and even sent some into programs..you do know some of them are underaged and forced into that right?I just can’t imagine harrassing one or being so ignorant as to expect answers from one.


  210. Anonymous

    I’m sorry, I appreciate the comments on here, but this reply is b.s. I have seen this person post under a few names, and now they are claiming to be an attorney, which I can’t really allow. I think it’s clear if you can’t properly spell prosecute, it’s unlikely you’re a district attorney.


  211. Tina

    YES SHARON!!!! Just today, actually! After 15 years of marriage and three children, my collage sweetheart and X-NFL egomaniac husband cheated countless times..but always denied it and I found it nearly impossible to catch him. What I found on his phone records was UNBELIEVABLE, but of course he denied everything…making me angrier and crazier.
    Today, however, I made one of my calls to a number I found from one of his late night calls. I half hazardly left a message for her, trying to evoke some empathy…and she called back within the hour! I wasn’t expecting what I heard. After grilling her for a few moments I realized she wasn’t fighting me.
    I asked, “So why did I find your number on his call record at 3:30 am?” She simply said, “Probably from the Back Page”. I instantly knew what that must mean, but I had to ask. “So is that like for escorts?”….She quietly said, “Yes”.

    I thanked her profusely, and told her how much I appreciated her honesty, that I’m just a tormented mother trying to find the truth. I then asked, ” Why did you tell me the truth, when you didn’t have to?”.
    Again, quietly, she said, ” I guess it was something you said”
    I wished her the best and we hung up.
    This was the first time ANY of these women told me the truth.

    I wish this kind of proof wasn’t necessary for me, it caused me to stay with the biggest (both literally and figuratively) monster imaginable. Think OJ charming, only way bigger as a Nose Tackle. Although I’m told often how naturally beautiful I am as well as how young I look, I stayed with someone who disrespected me to my face as well as my behind my back.


  212. Tina

    Marlene. I agree with you, which is why I was 100% respectful to the woman I called. That’s probably why she actually admitted to being an escort, and that my husband likely found her number from the “Back Page”.
    I wanted to know because although I filed for divorce when I found the voice of ANY woman on my husband’s phone…I wanted to know who she was. It mattered to me.


  213. Tina

    I was thinking the same thing about the spelling, although I figured maybe she was typing fast-?


  214. Marlene

    thats what happened Tina…a typo! I guess Ed doesn’t make those.


  215. Lholmesbuild

    You stay single if you are already . You have no Fricken idea .


  216. Michelle

    Why do we stay with these creeps, knowing that we can do better?! What is wrong with me!


  217. Illustrator5

    Yeah that we married an idiot!


  218. Guest

    Well my husband is cruising bad neighborhoods and someday will pay for his insanity when he gets robbed or worse! There is NO excuse for this….NONE!


  219. Illustrator5

    Hale Berry had a troll for an ex too!


  220. Al Hope

    Unscientifically, men go to prostitutes for these 3 reasons and in this exact order of priority:

    1. To be with women who are more attractive than the guy is otherwise able to attract;
    2. To experience variety (a constant craving for many men);
    3. To experience sexual behaviors that they may be ashamed of (or denied at home).

    Men mostly go to prostitutes to be with attractive woman that they are unable to attract in any other way. There is nothing emotional about it. It is a sexual craving that is so strong for many men that they will take great risks in their relationships and careers when the urges are strongest. Good luck on trying to change this behavior…the behavior might be lessened for a while, but the sex drive is a very raw, powerful force that easily overrides common sense in all ages and times.

    Leave the man or stay with the man. If he is clearly not cut out for monogamy leaving him would be best for both of you. My best guess is that 1/3 of guys aren’t wired for monogamy, 1/3 are on the fence (meaning they may succumb rarely) and 1/3 are strongly monogamous and are genuinely not tormented by strong cravings to stray.

    Our society constantly promotes the myth the monogamy is much more common (and attainable) than it really is. Genuinely monogamous women (and men) suffer the most anguish and heartbreak when reality eventually exposes the myth.

    There is so much societal pressure to be a married, monogamous person, that it drives folks to lie to themselves, and eventually to their spouses, about who they really are.


  221. Ego_pimp

    This had to be one of the most sexist articles i’ve ever read especially as statistics say that married women cheat as much as men nowadays. The only bit I agree with is it’s down to people feeling they SHOULD be married rather than wanting to


  222. logicman.

    Why do women have a ‘women vs man’ mentality? You should be happy that other womens lives are being screwed up by their husbands, as long as it doesn’t happen to you. Anyways, women deserve as much suffering as possible. They go for the biggest muscly guy and then complain when he treats them like crap. News flash you illogical creatures: 99% of good looking men will eventually treat you like crap and cheat on you. If you stop being such hypocrites and stop going after big muscly hulks that have their way with you like an animal in the bedroom (which is the only reason you are with them) then maybe you will not run into trouble in, you know, every single other aspect of life?


  223. logicman

    I want to say thank you to all you women who are clearly just as bitter and angry as me. It makes me feel so much better because I was so isolated. I am a slightly above average looking, skinny guy (not even that skinny, not lanky or skeleton skinny, just small and skinny), who can never get a girl because i am skinny and my hair doesn’t look ‘nice haircut bro SWAAG’ enough because it is too dry to do anything fancy with. My whole childhood and life I was raised in a way to be polite, which is relationship suicide for a man because women only go for loud, obnoxious doucebags. So yea it kills me when I see an ugly monkey with big bones with a girl that I would deem good enough to be my girlfriend. Sometimes I just look at myself in the mirror and say how can girls POSSIBLY not worship my amazing face if there are so many of them with ugly (but big boned, over average weight guys.. I look like a pornstar compared to those ugly monkeys!??) ‘It is good if he is big because he has to protect me.’ WTF? from who? pedobear or the boogeyman? We don’t live in caveman times anymore. The ironic thing is that even though small, when I get mad I can get really violent and have high adrenaline because I suffered a lot in my life. Yet women completely, illogically overlook this of course. Plus, now it isnt even what women want in their man, it is what their friend wants, and we live in capitalist bro bro swag culture facebook friend 50000 mode bro mode system, so if you want to have a girl, you have to be the type of guy that all of her friends would approve, because she wants you to brag more than you yourself. and of course, in our superficial, stupid bro bro culture capitalism this means spending 300 on a plan t shirt with 1 word of the expensive brand on it, douchebag hair, douchebag walk, douchebaggery, being loud, obnoxious, NOT being skinny. being fat is ok even unless you are FAT. DONT be skinny.. girls HATE it. ZERO chance if you are born with high metabolism and have a nice face because girls would rather go for 200 pound big boned fatty with ugly face and dumb brain. I have seen girls that are 5’2, weigh, 90 pounds, with a boyfriend that is 5’10 and 190 pounds. Who am I supposed to date then, 4’6 midgets with 55 pounds of bodyweight? Because of this I will never get laid unless I go for an ugly girl in which I would rather masturbate anyways. All I want is a sweet girl that is equal to me in looks, but in this unfair society, coupled with the fact that women are illogical, I will probably never have a girlfriend. I am happier now though because I am sweet, smart, funny, etc… yet all you illogical creatures (women) ignore me, so you are the ones that are missing out, and now I can take comfort in the fact that your useless, dumb, average-but-not-skinny-thus-they-got-you husbands have caused you so much grief. Logically, you deserve all of it! That should hurt even more. You have ONLY yourself to blame for.:) You illogical creatures use the unfair advantage to men (due to naturally stronger hunger for sex, men will go for girls lower than them, and girls will be super picky) to your advantage, and love to date stupid douchebags that treat you like crap. I will always be miserable, so have fun being happy at that you evil creatures, but at least now I know you all are just as miserable. Victory. Thank you from the bottom of my heart just for this. You don’t know how wonderful it feels knowing you are not the only one suffering and the world is against you. Anyways, the day there are government approved STD-checked prostitutes, I will be visiting them, so there is hope for me maybe. Then you wonder why men visit prostitutes. lol.


  224. anonymous

    I personally know many “skinny and polite”, (as you call yourself) men who have found women and are in great relationships with them. My brother, one of the greatest guys I have ever known, is skinny, extrememly polite, (he would never say the things you have in your post, -ever) he is both quiet and sensitive and yet he is married to one of the greatest women I haev ever known! I admit it took him a little longer than my other brothers (one a more typical jock type that you so hate, the other like him) to find a wife, but you are clearly a pessimist. You see, you have the advantage; when you finally do find that woman, you will have found a true gem that you know isn’t at all like these other women you are referring to. Just from reading your post, I would say that your negative and ultra critical nature is the real reason you can’t find a woman to appreciate you. Which is good news for you because you can change that about yourself, but if I’m correct, you would rather blame everyone else for your problems than to admit that it has anything to do with you. Seriously, you blame capitalism for not being able to get laid? Just take a few seconds to realize what a senseless statement that actually is! Be a man, quit feeling sorry for yourself and women will flock to you, no matter what you look like. Just a tip, take up drumming and get a sense of humor and you’ll have your pick of women! One last thing, you might be looking in all the wrong places, there are some places where women who aren’t shallow go.


  225. Alex

    It was probably our fault for not putting out.


  226. Alex

    If only all women were as accepting and understanding as you. Cheating is hardwired into us men. We evolved to spread our seed. Monogamy is unnatural. However, just because we want to be with other women from time to time doesn’t mean we don’t love you. I bet if you have more sex with your husband he’ll cheat on you less, and in time who knows, he might even stop all together.


  227. Alex

    Well said. A recent popular example is that of Sandra Bullock and Jessi James


  228. Alex

    Maybe if you hit the treadmill he’d be able to get his “little pecker” up for you too.


  229. Brian

    It’s mostly the women’s fault. You can’t blame us for getting aroused and cheating when there are so many sexy and scantily clad women around us all the time. Sure, it’s theoretically possible not to cheat in such an environment, but not very practical.


  230. You're the Same

    Ed you seem like the type of guy whose seen your share of strip joints and escorts.


  231. Alex

    *Your fault. We men always put out lol.


  232. Kevin

    Preach the truth!


  233. Jon

    You only have yourselves to blame. Put out more and indulge your man’s fantasies, maybe then he won’t look for sex somewhere else.


  234. mimi

    I am a married woman of 14 years, trust me more sex doesnt help..he only gets more of an ego boost and screws more girls..i served him with divorce papers..now he is crawling back to me .. wants his family back..had to severe all contact with him several times for my mental wellbeing ..i did what he wanted for first 14 years of marriage now he will do what i want or i dont talk to him..works out good for me..i cut him from sex till he does what i want and how i want it..karma is a bitch


  235. Johwheeler

    hey dumb ass,cut him from sex and he’ll still get it it some place else,thats not the answer you idiot! Just divorce him….stupid little bitches playing your petty ass mind games! karma’s abitch for you because you’re still attached if you can’t let him go and are trying to get a temporary sense of power by “punishing” him. GROW A BRAIN!


  236. Johwheeer

    Tanya,

    Thanks for being rational,please get these professional victims who are pissing moaning and staying to try to just shit or et off the pot! I’d run from half these scorned hags too!


  237. Johwheeler

    You sound dumb,passive and crazy. Why the hell would he show you the text? You also sound asian. I hang up , I text, I say I don’t believe!
    you sound like a dam weirdo.enough already,enough with the games,you call the hooker,the hooker doesn;t answer,she calls back you don’t answer,you listento the message,you ask your husband questions and want to set up an appointment were you would be there? I have no idea why some men marry you crazy bitches,seriously thats been their only mistake. Guys don’t get married!

    Trust me sweetheart,he’s miserable and tormented too!


  238. gingerjess

    because on a subconcious level we do not truely believe we can do better and are seeking approval from people who will never value the charactor traits we have such as honesty and integrity as they themselves do not possess these qualities.


  239. renee

    I believe that men who cheat on their wife with nasty whores , are sick people and have serious problems with them-selves. They “BLAME” their wife and say it’s their fault for them seeing the whores what kind of sad excuse is this?


  240. Deb in South Floirda

    I got the prostitutes to tell me a lot!!! I did huge investigation, said Im the sister to a man who disappeared and we know he sees escorts (had to use nice word to get them to talk) they called me back and knew him and gave me details!!!!!!


  241. Deb in South Florida

    write me at [email protected] my husband saw 12 prostitutes in 10 months, all of a sudden…. someone on here asked a man: when did it start and how? did all of a sudden the guy think oh I want to see prostitutes and whores? this is one issue I deal with!! he was not a sexual man, not a sexual monster, but had mental issues, and wierd for years, his ex wife and I thought he was gay, as he never initiated sex in our marriage or in theirs either!!! couseling: showed he had neglect in childhood oh booo booo for him some kids were abused and burned and beat, so he had some neglect ? yes I was mad at him as 10 years previous i caught him doing bad porno online and placing ads looking for discreet women, never did it in person, but snagged him then and now 10 years later with prostitutes, from his Cell phone bill…. sucha sad story….. i left him and came back, he went to church and cried to pastor and became a christian man, only thing he said left to make him normal, his family hates him for years, still dont talk to him….. long story I hope to make some female friends who have been throught this so email me!!!!!!! thank you for listening


  242. Deb in South Florida

    got to google.com and google all the phone numbers, prostitues that work out of their homes or massage parlors usually have web sites too!!!! if you google their phone numbers alot might come up!!!!!! write me: [email protected] I too have been devastated by this night mare, found out in April of 09, still struggle with it……
    after you find the numbers you google them and see who/what they are…. then call them and talk to them….. and see!!! also you can then go to county records and by name, get their locations….. but google will show you ads they might place then you know!!!!!


  243. Deb in South Florida

    Its not harrassing them, its finding out who or what they are, and getting answers to what our spouses were telling them, which can all be part of divorce case or healing if reconciling. I found out things my hsuband claimed and they were true: he was depressed, paid for sex then asked if they can just be friends without sex, weird stuff…. some showed me how sick he was, how wierd, how messed up how selfish, … but it helped me to know truths, and all he did …


  244. Deb in South Florida

    I found out all, took him to church and he confessed it all, a dozen prostitutes home based and one out of a hotel, ugggs makes me sick, but its true, if there are numbers there were visits!!! they only admit when forced, then he said there was one, next week two , next week three, until our counselor said if hes not honest he cant be helped, he made him call all the numbers I found to see if he would remember hahahah he remembered but did some calls in front of me, then he made his list 12 in 10 months, and i said on the list write where you met them, house/apartment he knew all and one hotel… sickos


  245. Sharon Lykus

    Deb,

    I’m so glad I have these comments connected to my email. Thank you dear for replying,alot has happened and I handled this bad.

    I will email you soon,but will do a quik post here. Shortly after I posted here. Her numbers were changed. I did do a public country search and ended up finding out here real name and were she lived. I approached her at her car. She had a regular job at Macy’s ,she wouldn’t talk to me when I approached her and I LOST it. I started attacking her,and pulling her hair and she ended up pressing assault charges and filing a restraining order. I handled it bad. My life is worse now,because now I have a restraining order.
    She was honest about what she did to the judge et… and made it clear just because she did that she won’t tolerate abuse or a stalker.”The judge aggred with her that just because women do that society always thinks they should just accept it when things lke this happen,and just shut up and not fight back” The judge was a female too. The judge also told me “I just don’t get it,and my husband is to blame.” One of the reasons I ended up looking like an ass in the end is because she produced several emails with HIM pursuing her>The judge made me read the emails allowed in court to get through my head that he contacted her.I was so livid at her arrogance I sent a letter to her mother telling her her daughter broke up a marriage. I did jail time for that and community service,next time It will be more serious. I have to stay away from her!

    Her mother has also threatened to file a restraining order. I feel like a complete insane headcase for how I handled this,and I’m still recovering. I wish I would have been nicer trying to get nfo out of her like you did.

    I will email you soon and keep you abreast.


  246. Sharon Lykus

    also I’m still with him,yes you heard me correctly. We decided to work on it and he’s in counseling. I rub in his face every day that he ruined my life,and I wish to hell I would never have tracked this cunt down,now all I see is her face with him.


  247. Sharon Lykus

    someone please tell me this isn’t disgusting! a very articulate hooker with her own blog.

    http://www.texasgoldengirl.com/afterhours/


  248. Jim Walser

    I’m a man who was a hobbyist for years,and active misogynist,all men who use prostitutes have no respect for women including their wives or girlfriends. It took me loosing a beautiful family to wake up,my wife and I are friends today ,and I speak at sessions with court ordered Johns who were soliciting prostitutes.
    There’s many different reasons men do this.
    Ladies your husbands have issues that may take a long time to heal,whatever choice you make it’s probably best to move on and away from him for now.


  249. Jim Walser

    This is the exact twisted logic and misogynistic thinking I had.


  250. Jim Walser

    A hooker can’t have her own blog?


  251. Jim Walser

    That is a interesting blog indeed. You’re right she is articulate.OMG A Hooker they walk among us!! Why are so programmed to these stereo types? Did you know half the Johns in my program aren’t convicted offenders but doctors,lawyers and very articulate people,so are some “hookers”


  252. Jim Walser

    WOW Sharon, with all due respect I understand your pain and anger, but kudos to the esocrt for standing up for herself. Despite your anger she’s not a piece of trash she’s a actual human being who hurts,cries and feels pain like you,one who made some self depricating choices but she’s still a human being with feelings like us all.I’d like to attack several too people but you can’t,and as pissed off as you want to be about it the first person you need to be directing all anger to is your hubby.

    How is that arrogant to call the police and defend yurself when someone cleary unstable attacks you? Anyone would do that.Why shouldn’t she? Should she just accept that?I’m not sure her relationship with her mom but clearly she has unconditional love for her daughter,like I do mine no matter what path she choose,and she see’s you as someone trying to hurt her daughter.

    I would have shared the same philosophy as the judge. I’m glad to see the justice system didn’t throw her under the bus and give society the the message she DESERVED abused because some pig( yes your husband) called her and couldn’t keep it in his pants,because that kind of thinking and justifying violence is just as destructive to society as prostitution,if we give human the right to okay violence that appeals to their sense of justice we’ll be going on witch hunts because we don’t like the way someone wears their hair.

    I now talk to other men at court ordred John programs,you stay with your husband but sound as bitter and angry as ever. Has he acknowledged your pain? What has he done to make up or prove his love for you? You two need to get into therapy and you need to move past your anger and create healthy boundaries with him. It doesn’t sound like he’s nurturing your healing process. Please have some dignity and get away from him if this is the case. If he can’t step up to the plate and doesn’t care your as bitter and anger(justified) as ever and hasn’t done his part than you need to leave. He’s a narcisstic misogynist like I was 15 years ago. He’s got some mommy issues to heal!

    Life is a series of lessons,and we’re all learning.People havin different experiences or lessons than us doesn’t mukae ius better or more moroal it just makes us different.


  253. Cassie

    Kim, please REMEMBER not ALL of them wanted to be there, thousands of girls have been tricked into trafficing, This is a VERY sensitive subject for me and to anyone else out there I DO NOT want to hear any negetive comments about MY opinion and the fact Ive been hearing from former prostitutues that were RESCUED. Kim please dont call them that skanks, Kim do you even know what happens to most of them if they DONT act the way they do? Kids and woman get kidnapped for stuff like this, one prostitute would ask several of her ‘customers’ if they would help her get out of this, and the customers reponse? “Sorry theres nothing I can do.”. Some get a knife at there throat or literally get there hair pulled out of there hair by there roots. Some they’ll drug and then they get addicted to the stuff and get stuck where they are. Kim they get BEAT if they dont sleep with these men, You find a selfish man, thats where they flock, Ive read thousands of comments on how guys LOVE going there because theres so much “variety” and its straight forward and one man even commented on how he didnt want his prostitute to like the sex because HE IS THERE TO GET WHAT HE PAID FOR, HE ISNT THERE TO MAKE HER ENJOY IT. I have even heard wives say they would rather have there husband see a prostitute just for sex! MY GOD! THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS AND A HUGE NUMBER OF THEM WERE TRICKED INTO THIS LIFE OR WAS COMPLETELY DESPERATE, YET MOST OF THE MEN GOING THERE KNEW, THEY HAD SOME KIND OF IDEA THAT THESE GIRLS WERE TRICKED INTO THIS AND WANTED OUT! ITS FUNNY THEY LOOK LIKE US, THEY HAVE NEEDS LIKE US AND WANTS AND DREAMS AND FEELINGS BUT NO! They get ignored because some guy wants a boner taken care of. LOL! Some guys say there upset because the girl isnt showing any emotion towards the sex, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM?! I was raised to learn that when someone desperately needs help cause there suffering your supposed to help them, why are woman these sex objects? Please kim just dont call them skanks or anything like that, because you need to remember most of them were tricked nomatter what these selfish jerks say, and that stupid excuse about how prositituion reduces rape is bullshit. They get raped, numerously actually, and I dont mean by there paying customer. I thought america was a free land….I can see thats bullshit now…and the whole reduces rape shit just makes me think of the excuse well its better them that me…if there is one guy out there that can atleast admit to me that he KNOWS prostitution is wrong, please just tell me, I need to hear that, I need to know that despite what your doing theres still good in you, cause atleast your acknologing that what you did was wrong instead of bsing and making up excuses. I dont want to give up on you and say you’ll never change, I want to hope that someday you’ll say that your not there for the prostitute your there to help the human being who is being used, who has no real rights or privlages that you do and help them somehow get out of there and give it to them, please I just need to hear that, I cant stand hearing all these stories of people who are suffering and noones doing anything to help them or even thinking of helping them because there too busy helping themselves…Thats all I have to say on this issue sorry if I waisted your time and please dont bother commenting on this if you disagree.


  254. Kelkel

    Good for you! Why not the hotel too. They know of the illegal activity.. Take those bitches to the cleaners.


  255. Rustic_chivalry

    I sleep with hookers once week. They do for me everything my wife stopped doing the minute our first kid popped out. If it wasn’t for these lovely ladies of the night/day our marriage would have been over a long time ago. My wife is my best friend and like a sister to me but you can’t stick your willy up your sisters bum and then spunk all over her boobies. Thats just wrong. But with Scarlett, Night_Angel, StilletoeBitch and DeepthroatMInx anything goes. Call me sick or perverted but my wife and kids have a great life. They want for nothing and we are a close happy family. So what if daddy likes to dip his wick in the well of many. My wife probably knows because I often smell of cheap perfume and probably taste of hooker spit. But would she walk away from my six figure salary, her sport cars, 4 holidays a year, private schooling for the kids and endless cups of coffee and shopping sprees with her friends. No, I don’t think so. Oh and obviously I have a very tight prenup so she is screwed…not as often as me though.


  256. Buka222

    what a jerk you are


  257. Farshadism

    there is a fact we have to come to believe,
    this is the man nature to be thirsty of having sex with someone new.
    Men are both physically and mentally totally different from women.
    so quit stretching this any longer.


  258. Torrance34

    THANK YOU!! I’m so over coming to this blog and seeing the comments section riddled in comments by these women stretching this out and beating this to death,analyzing the man and trashing the whore. Go to therapy and stop coming to the boards so we don’t have to look at a entire row of comments from Deb from south Florida and other bitter women in response to a blog that was written over two years ago!! It’ll never fail ,These two posts written over two years ago will continue to get these broads clogging up the comment section!

  259. What are you talking about? Why would you keep coming to the post if you don’t want to read the comments? So odd.


  260. Marthabaker21

    yep i sure do, i have never felt loved by this pig fucking husband of mine.lie lie lie. Just recently found out he is fucking a 27 yr old Anica American girl. He is 50!! I hate him and of course he denies it..Im just a stupid bitch of corse!


  261. Jez

    I don’t agree. My husband has been with me a decade and has NEVER cheated. I have wanted time alone, wanted threesomes with hot women I know and I am extremely open minded. He has no interest what-so-ever. After all of these years we still have great sex, he devotes his time to me, we have 3 beautiful children and I know where he’s at all of the time. I am a very lucky girl and I am far hotter and younger than Christie Brinkley. :-)


  262. Boykinnorma

    Physically stronger as in being strong enough to pick up somethin that she might not can,but you men are not as physically stronger than women if it was the other way around and she was cheating on you.Now are you?Mentally totally different,you have got that right.Mentally ill.And a mans nature is just like a dogs nature they dont give a dame who they hump on that is why men are called DOG’S all the time.If you are married and you go out and cheat all the time,pay prostitutes money that is also your wifes money then there is a big problem there and the problem dont belong to the wife it belongs to you,but in the end we are the one who has to pay the price.When you love someone and you find out that he has been cheating on you and paying for it whit your money,and has prob over the years has spent enough to buy yu a better house or car then that make you a selfish dog.It does hurt the wife more than the husband know’s take it from me I know,I have been going through it for a year and have lost 40 pounds and look like I have aged 20 years.Why would someone do that to a person they claim they love?What do the whore’s have that the wife dont?When a man goes out and buy prostitutes he is in the devil’s playground and will pay for it in the end.Vengeance is mine saith the Lord


  263. oneup

    women want a li sumpthin sumpthin new too—surely you don’t care if your wife has her fun with male escorts?


  264. Sarahjane

    some men just need “strange p***y” my sex life with my husband is amazing and freaky, we do it every day , we have had threesomes with men and women, I do everything anal oral role play, and I found out recently he has been sleeping with escorts. I have no idea how often but as soon as I found out I started doing the same (not paying of course how lame are guys that they have to pay?) lol two can play at this game.


  265. Demi Daniels

    Ok I AM AN ESCORT so I think I have a right to say this. Married men come to see us because they want to have their cake and eat it too and that’s all there is to it!

    They all give me varying excuses “She doesn’t perform well in bed” or ” Her body isn’t as tight as it used to be” to which I wish I could reply “Well…how about you grow a pair and tell her what you like in bed?” and “Well of course her body isn’t going to look like mine. I’m 22 and she’s 49 and blessed your sorry ass with kids.” or ” From the looks of it your body isn’t tight either buddy. I hope she’s off fucking some smoking hot lad with a huge cock and olympic stamina.” But alas, I just grin and bear it.

    It would be a nice refreshing change for men to just own up to the fact that the reason they cheat is because they are shitty husbands/boyfriends or don’t have the cajones to leave an unhappy relationship and stop blaming others for their lack of self control!


  266. Michelle

    YAY to some truth……………………. thats why mine did it, he wanted something “different” …. nothing to do with me, and he is a shithead. Well said.


  267. Maja34

    thanks for that truth and coming here to give a perspective. Demi,this is NOT an attack but you seem to have a side were you empathize with the wife. Does it seem like a contradiction to be doing this but know the wife is being hurt by him? I think you should just make a extra effort not totake part in it at all,just TRY to do something else. If the supply didn’t exist these guys would have no were to turn!


  268. Maja34

    AGAIN I just wanted to stress I’m not judging you nor wouldI ever.I know how hard life and money can be. I’ve lived in a car with a toddler at one point in my life. I just think if you feel this way then you should have your actions match your words.It doesn’t do the wives any good or make us feel any better when you’re telling us you feel our pain but have our husbands penis inside you at the same time,just something to think about !!


  269. Laura Dwensive

    Maja,thanks for writing what I was thinking. I have a husabnd who used escorts for years. I’m not judging either and thanks you Demi for coming here it’s brave but like Maja pointed out your having sympathy for us while having sex with them AND also isn’t he and all the men you see your bread and butter money? I appreciate the truth but you count on them for money but still trash them behind their back and have sympathy for us while having sex with them…yes double standard and hypocrasy! From an escorts point of view you should just be grateful, There’s these “pigs”out there to give you business and if you feel this way stop doing prostitution. So you come here sympathize with the wife and trash him and to his face you act and pretend he’st the greatest thing in the world when he’s giving you money! Make up your mind!!!


  270. Harrow

    I disagree Maja and Laura. I’m a wife betrayed by a husband who used hookers too ,and while this is a site for wives to vent ,we’re all in this together.Maybe her actions and the effects on herself as well are coming tot he surface by her wiritng them here,and perhaps she will get out of that.


  271. Kaz

    I did the same thing recently…..googled…..I was astounded by what came up! He’s moving out shortly……there can be no reconciliation. And I exposed his sorry arse for who and what he is…..a liar and cheat (and I don’t care how I look to anyone else)!


  272. kaz

    Why do men get married if they need to have sex with more than one woman? Why do any of us get married, for that matter?


  273. kaz

    My (now ex) partner had an emotional affair with a prostitute 4 years ago…..while still married to his ex-wife. This went on for months and apparently the hooker wanted him to leave his wife for her. He wouldn’t do it……it was okay to F@#$ her but not to have a committed relationship with her. He told me all sorts of stories about visiting hookers when he was married to his ex. He is an alcoholic…..his wife was over his antics with the drinking and would barely touch him let alone have sex with him…..so he started visiting prostitutes because they made him feel “good” about himself…..um…….aren’t they paid to do that? And why did I still involve myself when he said he’d done the things to his wife that he’d done?…..my self-esteem was shot to bits and I was vulnerable…..he was there, available and he seemed a nice guy……and these stories didn’t come out until later in the r/ship when we had committed to one another……not all stories are cut and dried….


  274. kaz

    I hope you left him….if they do it once, they’ll do it again…..


  275. kaz

    I don’t think that dragging ones’ name through the mud is such a bad thing…..especially if the cheater makes himself out to be a “good guy” with everyone and is a self righteous prick……serves them right for being liars.


  276. Anonymous

    Filthylucre what i want to know is What happens to a women who has no family and no social net work who fails to sustain a quality of service in the industry? Also deemed as ‘gutter trash’ in all my naivety is it so, that these things, or humans if you like are just simply thrown from a car in the small hours of morning, with a lack of life force that would permit a green wheelie bin before daylight hours. What then? Who are they? well know one knows really…. its just one of those things. It astounds me, one, that a persons life would constitute this existence and two, there is a market that is beyond what we call sexual service, who cleans this up? and why would a market be so sober in its ability to be turned on? Only blood come to rise….. I feel sorry for you!

  277. Wow, that was a biblical level of crazy. Don’t know what to say other than I feel sorry for anyone having to deal with you.


  278. Clg

    I just found out my husband has been seeing escorts, I believe for the last five years or so an I will be married for eight years this month. I don’t know how to handle this, he says he loves me but how can I believe that. He travels for work and I am sure he is seeing escorts then too. I discovered this two days before Christmas but couldn’t confront him till about three weeks ago I am just so hurt and confused. Since confronting him he has changed all of his passwords on he computer to keep me from seeing anything. All I do is cry. I don’t want to be alone but now I feel like just crap worthless and can’t find any reason to keep on living. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend everything is ok, since I have not been able to tell but one person. Due to health reasons with my parents I can’t tell them. Help me what should I do.


  279. Guest23

    LEAVE THIS ASSHOLE!!!! He owes you retrust but he changes his passwords? FUCK HIM!!!! If this selfish ass wants to work it out and not get a divorce he neds to let you see and check his emails now….GET PROOF AND TAKE HIS ASS TO THE CLEANERS!!! Get a backbone and leave!!


  280. A former "whore"

    I use to do “escort” in my 20′s. I’m now 46 with two daughters, and divorced.I work as a Interior decorator in Dallas. I remember this same attitude Demi and have to agree they just want their cake and eat it too! It was pathetic. You can try and try to decipher why men cheat or see “whores” but it simply boils down to this and plain old selfishness!

    I’m sorry to say wives and girlfriends. I never gave you a second thought back then. I was too busy trying to escape as I was brought to NYC at 18 and got out at 26. My days consisted of being terroized and beaten in a bathroom with whatever Troy felt like I needed that day.I would also look forward to a trick buying me a lunch after not being fed for a couple days. I even drank toilet water when chained to the toilet for three days,either that or dehydrate,not all hookers are glamous looking to ruin marriages. He threatened my life and family if I tried to leave,plus he had “top girls” who kept an eye on me,but now that I’m not forced into druged and beaten daily I have the mind pattern and capabilty to feel for you.

    My husband cheated too ONCE that I know of but I divorced right away,maybe being a tough hooker back in the day and having gone through that gave me the confidence to leave anyone who treats me like shit,so I was gone. It’s been 3 years now,but life is so much better than those days and a cheating husband. I couldn’t be happier. My daughter Reagan,3 years old has down syndrome but I take care of her mostly by myself! My daughters are angels and I’m grateful for all things good in my life,leave ladies if he continues. Men can be pigs!


  281. Demi

    Where is the hypocrisy? Yes I feel for the wives. My occupation does not disable my capability to empathize. I don’t actively purse married men but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t understand why any of them would expect me, a total stranger, to value their relationship do anything to preserve it. I have never expected that from anyone apart from my partners.

    I can acknowledge that no one else is to blame for my choice of occupation so why do clients feel the need to justify seeing me by blaming others? It’s utterly maddening. That was my point. I did not come here with intentions to make wives feel better. That is insane lol. I know most will see me as “the enemy” regardless and that’s fine. My post was cathartic for ME :)


  282. Demi

    Oh, and yes I will take their money AND trash them. I am grateful for their money because this is a business. I will not be grateful for their stupid ass comments. Now, if you will, please name one person in any profession that is above venting about annoying customers. I’ll wait.


  283. Lalalala

    wow.thanks for sharing and I’m happy life is better.


  284. Rose

    You fooling yourself girl. Am hot myself and had a happy marriage for 17 years and great sex life. My husband in June 2011 went on a business trip and came back to confess having had sex with a prostitute after he was drunk. He confessed as he felt bad about it. NEVER TRUST MEN. THEY CAN DO ANYTHING IN FACT THEY ARE ALL PIGS


  285. Aquajojo

    I have to say that am a wife and I know that most guys I’ve been with have cheated on me. In order to see this men’s work I went to a brothel, for a job interview lol, and while I was there about 2 hrs I saw the hookers, in their fantasy clothing and in normal clothing going in and out of the place. I saw guys, good looking young guys coming in I just couldn’t understand why a good looking guy would pay top dollar for 1 hr?… Any way, most hookers are very young, early 20′s, they r ugly as nothing like the porn movies, they have worse bodies than an average wife. And are uneducated. Every time a customer came in they were giggling and smiling very much like children, and after the presentation the losers came back as losers! Upset and with bitterness in their face. To them is abt money not the guy. To them is selling a transaction. Any ways I think guys who r married and idiot these places are looses and worthless assholes. I think it’s the variety, I felt pity for these women, I condone this and hate the men that make this the biggest industry ever!!! Our men today are fucked!!!!


  286. Aquajojo

    I dated a guy who saw prostitutes for our entire relationship, which lasted 2 years. At the end he told me what he had been doing and confessed his sins, said he loved me and that I deserved something better. He was right, he had a sexual addiction. Years later he married a wealthy great woman who gave him a child, but he did the same, he cheated on her and it even got worse as he would fuck anything or anyone! He went to Thailand and “fell in love” with a hooker and ended up marrying her! Hoping this would end his addiction!? I dunno just thought I’ll share.


  287. justanotherscumbag

    I am a man in his late 20′s and have been with my girlfriend for over 8 years, I’ve always been faithful to her and she has to me, we both took each other’s virginity and we have “matured” together for the past 8 years.

    I love and care for her but there’s something inside me that makes me unable to be happy with just her, I feel I missed out on life for all these years. We as a couple have reached a point where I have to make a decision either I continue my life with her and we get married and have a family, knowing that I will always be feeling like I missed out or break up with her and break her heart.

    I am also considering just getting it over with and visiting an escort and not telling a single soul, I am away on a business trip and I am seriously thinking about it.

    I know that if I leave her I will never get her back, and probably will never have someone who loves me like she does, with whom I’ve shared so many experiences.

    I am torn and do not know what to do, I do not want to cheat but I can’t get these feelings that I’ve missed out on life out of my head and it’s tearing me apart, leaving her is something I do not know how to handle, we have been together for so long, and she is dependant on me so if I leave her I will take away everything and it will destroy everything we have built for the past 8 years.

    I care for her and do not want to break her heart, I know she does not deserve this and my only wish is for her to be happy, with or without me, but my selfishness is making me miserable, I just don’t know how to handle this any more.

    I really don’t want to cheat, I know I will regret it, but I feel so weak….


  288. Chocky77

    Not all men pay for sex for just the sex, I know from my experience because I have attachment issues, (feel free to research it), being with someone new makes you feel attractive and wanted (even if you are paying someone), but its more than that hence you should research before you reply. Does it make it right? No. I have at least once and I’m sure there are others who pay women simply for the company. Am I fat and ugly? No, I’m athletic with normal weight and height with reasonable looks. I’m just not very self confident, that’s why I have sex with Pro’s. My wife is perfect in every way but unfortunately it’s not her fault, just my problem between my and my psychiatrist.


  289. Lace74

    I told my Army husband… I will tell his comanding officer about him cheating on me when his in cambodia…. maybe if he gets article 145 will make him learn his leason.


  290. Nowyathe

    The commanding oficer probably does it too,many people do this stuff.They’ll think you’re just a vendictive scorned wife,don’t waste your time. They’ll want proof actual concrete proof.


  291. Demy

    Worthless,you can’t find reasons to keep on living,hurt confused,I’ve bee there,I’ve done that……..it hurt like nothing else.It will take you time to get emotionally out of this story,don’t waste your time…and then one day when you experience yourself the madness of the need of having sex around the age of 40 when you’ll need more sex than you want because of your hormone levels you’ll be hit by the idea how your husband must have felt.Being man is difficult and fantastic,they are ruled by there testosterone nature and at the same time suffer sense of guilt.Think about yourself,live your life,be yourself don’t depend so much emotionally from him,do the things you want,be free!


  292. nobodysfoolanymore

    Twenty two years of marriage and gone through crisis with a kid of his, his mother, my Dad and Mom and now I find condoms in his truck but he doesn’t know how they got there!!

    Well…ever hear of GPS and a IBOT for the computer? Yep….leopard doesn’t change their spots and the shit is about to hit the fan here!


  293. nobodysfoolanymore

    Go to brickhouse security and get an ibot…you’ll have all his passwords quickly.


  294. nobodysfool

    That is just a weak ass excuse!


  295. Illustrator5

    Well you will get what you deserve either when she finds out or when you have to go to the DR.


  296. Jeff9it

    I am a man who used escorts. My wife found out after I gave her herpes. I live with the shame and guilt everyday. Looking back I don’t know why I did it. It seemed more exciting and really reved my engines. I am now on antidepressants and anti anxiety pills and can’t get a good night sleep. We are on the verge of a divorce and I can’t say I blame her. Looking back it was all very stupid, like an out of control compulsion. My life has been ruined.


  297. depressed

    i recenlt got caught by my gf of 5 years…i was looking up hookers on my phone while at work/by myself at home…i was just looking to see th pics and read the stories…as if liek an escape from reality i guess…i always been fancinated by hookers and pimps and was bored…i had no intentions of going thru with it…i just looked at the pics.. and read the ads….i watch pornos without telling her….she thinks im trying to screw all the hookers and im screwed now…i feel soooo bad she is pregnant with my child…it will never be the same…i fd up sooo bad…i neva thought she would find out…i did it because i like looking….i love her but all that dont matter now…i know her family she knows mine…im sooo embarassed….im 26 now ….smh i feel sooo bad…it was just dumb…i look up all kind of crazy and nasty stuff all the time without her knowing…do that really make me that bad??? have yall neva looked up nasty stuff?? idk im screwed and depressed…what am i to do now…sorry wish i could just die somewhere…it really feel awful…like whats wrong with me??? i just want to be her friend if nothing else…she really hates me now…im scared -from the heart


  298. Margo467

    I did this too. I agree. They do it because they can have their cake and eat it too. I haven’t done that in over fifteen years. I started out stripping. I read some of these posts on here. Ladies leave,unless he’s gun “ho” (no pun intended) on cleaning up his life. I’ve been in a lving relationship fpr over five years. It took allot of healing to get that jadded view of men out of my life/ Demi ,get out as fast as you can. It ruins you as a person


  299. confusedhurt

    My husband and i were married for a year…we are now getting a divorce..two months into our marriage i found a used condem in our house…i found out 6 months ago that he was going to escourts for massages…so he says…do you think he slept with them or just for a massage?


  300. Margo467

    a used condom? Do you really need to ask us?

  301. Prepaid phones. Phone accounts you don’t know about. For smart phones there is Google voice-which can act like an independent phone (no records of call on your phone bill)…


  302. Relaxitsjustyoga

    This is what I plan to do. I caught my boyfriend cheating with hookers. I’m pregnant so I am in no position to leave at this point. In 6 months after I have this baby I will not feel bad about cheating on him. It is a big motivator to take care of my body and self so I will still be hotter than him even after I am a mommy. I don’t want to become some downtrodden wife that is being taken for granted like a fool. I’ve already confronted him, cried, gone to couples counseling with him etc etc. he said he didn’t want to lose me and he will do whatever it takes to make things right again. Sounded good and made me feel hopeful, until I found out he has still gone to escorts since this big trauma and promises. I would leave him today if I wasn’t pregnant and I was financially secure. .. I will just be like an escort and fuck him once in a while in return for financial securities for me and my baby.


  303. Jtest

    Ok, so I cheated on my husband after no sex or companionship for 8 years. We were basically roommates and it worked (we have no children). I carried on my affair, and it’s still going after three years. Wait – here’s the twist. In the last year, my husband developed a sore throat that lasted months, had achy joints, his hair fell out, and then he quickly started going blind. Why? He caught syphilis. Not from me (I was tested in 2010 and weeks ago after his diagnosis, which he lied about while sitting in a hospital bed for 8 days and then IV bags at home for another 6). I started questioning his illness when I noticed he was being treated with penicillin. He claimed ocular herpes. Thing is, herpes isn’t treated with penicillin. I begged him to tell me what I was living with. He finally said he had a one night fling with a coworker named Lisa after a poker game. It was only once. He knew about my fling before finally admitting his. Thing is, I don’t believe his story. When I asked for the girl’s name, he refused to give me her last name because he didn’t need me hunting her down to harass her because she’s married. So, if this story is true, he’s protecting a one-night fling that gave him the syph, but not his wife of 11 years? I packed his stuff and left it on the curb a month ago. We are still in contact, divorcing as amicably as possible. He still SWEARS that he didn’t cheat!!!! Immaculate infection? I’m thinking it was cheesey whores. Is it that men feel that because they are not emotionally giving themselves to these women, they are technically not cheating?

    As far as my affair, he was single and wanted more, but wanted me to get divorced, so he moved to the west coast (I’m an east coaster) for 10 months. I visited him and that’s when we realized we needed to be together.

    Ladies, don’t waste your time trashing the husbands. It’s so not worth it. There’s always something better out there.


  304. Aaajtechnologies

    You are such a cheap type of person with no integrity. It really showing you don’t really loved your wife. How about your children? Do you have girl…what would she feel if she will get married someday and be cheated by her husband. Have you consider your wife feeling at all? The law of gravity, “what must goes up must come down.” How about reaping and sowing?


  305. Reaping and Sowing

    You are nothing but a selfish man! You really don’t loved your wife at all! You don’t how much your wife feels. Do you have a little girl? Have thought about of man she going to marry will not cheat? If you love her, you do a lot of thinking before hurting your family. Remember, the reaping and sowing. The law of gravity has not changed. You still have a time to changed for family’s sake! That’s if you loved them!


  306. Higgerdeen

    Demi Daniels..gotta give you props for you post. I am Day 5. Into the discovery of being cheated on wwith escorts. Please not for the record that it was the most aweful exp but strangley he snuck awa y enough cash for round two. Blindsided…thought we were closer then ever. Open communcation about what he needs etc. Sure watch a porn let’s go get toys. Yeah ill go to a strip club and a dance. I am attractive and like aggressive sex….drummm roool please…for my fault. I am too aggressive and to sexual he feels insecure and wanted to try and be the agggreeser in the bed room. You know what would have been nice husband of 6 years with 2 children….I don’t know maybe fucking tell me before you shatter our family. Awesome. Fuck then


  307. ManMadan

    Have been reading this for some time, What I can tell you from my perspective is, its not about growing or being selfish. When its about sex, men are driven by the instinct, just like any other animals, I personally don’t think human race cannot practice monogamy, its not in us. We are trying to fake it by means of marriages, soul mates…etc. We are just confused people.


  308. Holyghost

    thats fukkin depressing


  309. Plop

    It will ruin her as a person only if she is doing it only for the money. The only person who should be an escort is one who truly wants to help men get a lay. Aaaaaaaand…. Apropo, a lot of rich men have the belly because of the fact they sacrificed physical effort for the possibility to be rich. It’s still some kind of hard work that went on in the process. I’ve seen cookie-cutter examples of that. In exchange for being rich, they’d like to have a lady who takes care of herself give them a great time for a night..

    If I would ever use an escort, by the way, I would never give some excuse about why I’m cheating. I’d say what I really wanted to say: I just want some sex, and I ain’t going to have my lifespan cut short from prostate issues. It’s just “live and let live.”

    However, I don’t use an escort, because even if I’m not getting as much sex as I used to, I feel the personal responsibility to look for things above that fray. I have a son that I had with an extremely physically abusive ex-gf, I have a wife who needs a lot of care, understanding and patience, and I have a business that needs to be nurtured. All of these things take priority, at least in my life, before sex. However, I don’t judge any other human being who cheats. There are men with higher drives than mine, and NEED to do it. It’s not about addiction, not about his “evil” penis, or anything like that. It’s about his circumstances. I’ll just worry about mine :)

  310. I know this is an old thread, so I may be writing to myself, but the act of writing is more cathartic than anything.

    I was in an 11 year relationship with a man who went to prostitutes. He also was very emotionally abusive, which turned into mild physical abuse (if there is such a thing.) At about year 3 the emotional abuse was so bad I became acutely depressed. It was weird, I didn’t notice it until I was already in it. We were also living in a third world country. I was trying to run two tourist based businesses, help him with a development project and home school my two adolescents when they were with me. I was exhausted and trapped, so I really was in huge denial. I was the perfect target.

    Our relationship started out magical. I had never been in love like that before. The sex was fabulous, too. We both had high sex drives, so sex was frequent (several times a day) and experimental. I felt it was something intensely personal and special between us. (Wrong…)

    He started traveling. He would go to nearby countries for supplies and stay 3 or 4 days. I became suspicious, but was so down trodden and flat out busy, I did nothing. I even called his cell phone one time and he accidentally answered instead of turn it off and I could hear him say “oh great, NOW you’re going to act like you’re bored.” I then heard silence and it was clear what was going on. He lied his way out of it AND I BOUGHT IT. I remember telling myself at the time that I was unable to deal with this, so I would just believe him. I knew better.

    I finally reached a point in my depression that my family intervened and I got help. I was putting my life back together and was going to leave him after my kids left to go back to the US. 2 days later we were arrested. Our arrests stemmed from a business deal that he was in with a friend that became estranged. This person is very wealthy and a despicable human being, so he got mad and threw us in jail (we were later exonerated, so keep reading). I was released in a a few days, but “my man” ended up staying in max security penitentiary for 6 months. I couldn’t leave anyone in that situation, so I worked to get him released, losing all my financial assets along the way. I got him released to house arrest, but he was in terrible shape at this point. He had been beat, humiliated, drugged, and suffered both PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury. He had broken bones, infections, infestations and was malnourished. I slowly nursed him back to health and continued to fight to keep him from going back to prison, and clear our names so we could go home. We continued to have great sex all this time, though I knew I would never be the depressed, abused woman that I had been; that he wanted me to be.

    At one point I had to leave (I was being threatened with a return to jail). I went home and finally saw my kids, after 10 months. I stayed away for 2 months, then had to go back and finish clearing our names and getting “my man” home. That took 3 months, but I finally negotiated a deal that dropped all charges and we were free to leave.

    We came back to the states and set about trying to live, with no money, no jobs, no cars, and him unable to keep a job because of the PTSD. I filed suit in the US against the person that erroneously jailed us. I had no money, so filed pro se. I was working on the case (I’m a chef, not a lawyer), dealing with him, translating legal documents from the case in Nicaragua, working full time, etc. etc.

    Fast forward a couple of years. We had lawyers on the case, were living in a nice enough place and he started sleeping in the other room and became increasingly abusive. There were early morning and late night phone calls. I couldn’t leave because I had a lot at stake in the pending court case. He was such a mess he could have never navigated the legal waters (or really done anything else) without me. We moved to a new state trying to just start over. During a casual conversation with a friend he said something that didn’t add up to me, and when I asked him about it later, he confessed to having been to hookers during our entire relationship, even after I got him out of prison, while I was in the states and he was still South. He also confessed to an affair in which a woman paid him (supposedly.) This was still going on, over the phone.

    I was stuck. I asked him to leave for a time, and go back to the state where his “affair” was and work. We needed money and I really didn’t care if was still seeing her. We also had the court case there, so our lawyers kept an eye on him and he stayed with one of my friends. Court came and went and we won. I returned to the state I was living in and he stayed and worked another month or so. When he came home, we tried to continue (there was still appeals pending, and I had worked too hard to let everything go at that point.)

    Things eventually worked out, and I was able to leave. I was also able to deal with all of this. My ex is now devastated and calls me every day crying about how awful he is. I tell him to forgive himself, it’s over now. We still see each other, and even have sex (though I have issues about hearing him and picturing him). I will never go back to him, but we have been through so much together I can’t imagine him ever being completely out of my life.

    My problem is this: He has said “I never thought this would happen.” When I ask what he did think would happen he just says “not this.” I ask if he thought there would be to consequences to his actions; “No, I knew if you found out you’d leave.” Then he clearly didn’t care if I left or not, right? He denies that. I just want to know what other men think about this. Do you really not care, or do you think you won’t get caught? Do you just not think about it at all? What do you think is going to happen?

    Thanks for listening…..


  311. Oliveoyl

    Hi! Laura. I do not agree with waht you says here.
    I am a wife and my husband and I are married for already 8 years. He never give me money. He never wants me to work to other company. He wants me to work in his company so I am working with him as my boss for almost 8 years more than 8 or ten hours a day because that’s what he wants and he did not even pay me for two years I work before because he said company has no money. But he said to me before that he will pay me later when company gots up and running again. Until now he did not pay me. Company has money but he withdraw all of them and put on his personal accoujt. I am working inhis company all around (Accounting, Sales, administration and all other task) Among all the employees I receive very, very low salary. I even the one who cleans all the restrooms at work.
    I did not complain bec he said to help him build his company up. I am his servant, his domestic helper that cooks good food for him, and his employee as well that works more than 8 hpurs a day. I even spent my money to fix myself so he will enjoy sex more. Did he contributed to this expense? No of course. He holds his money so tight if it is about me but if it is about his family and friends he does not care how much he spend. I even got sort of STD from his stupidity (make love with “escort and prostitutes”) Did he spent even single penny for me to go to the doctor for this STD issue? No he did not. He knows that I got sick becuse of his stupidty my doctor talked to him. He admitted to my doctor. He cheated me several times and I forgive him each time. Year 2011 he promised me again he will not do those things again but he just did again last Macrh 2012 to April 2012. For long four weeks he was with prosti and not just one group but several different groups of prosti day and night. He embarassed me in fornt of the people many times, he yeeled at me with no reason at
    all. I was in the hospital several times but did he ever call me to ask if I am still alive? No he did not. Did he spent money for my hospital? No he did not. But for his friends, he does not care even he spent big money for them.

    I am still trying to pick up pieces of me to put them back togther that was destroyed because of his stupidity. I am still not sure if I can handle all of the estress, pains, etc I am now. I cried a tears every single day. I feel the pains every single minutes. I still do not know how to cope up.
    Hopeless,
    Oliveoyl


  312. OliveOyl

    I am a good cook and he always says that. Even though I works more than 8 hours a day, I still cook good food for him and he love every dishes I cooked. I even spent money to fix myself to make him happy for our sex life. But still he cheated me so bad. And one time we were in the restaurant and happened that one of his prev escort was there with another man, they did lips to lips kissing on front of me eyes and in front of all the people eating at that resto.

    Last year he told me to trasfer all my money to his account which I do not have access. He even wants my life insurance. He also ask me to make my salary to direct deposit to his account.

    This last March and April he did sleep with deffirent groups of prosti day and night that destroyed all of me being a person. He destroyed my dignity, I feel he does not respect me as a person, as a human and as a wife at all. I feel he does not cherrish all the good things I do for me. I serve him form head to toe. He always says I have the most beautifull body figure, the most beautifull breast, the most good cook in the world which I am but still he cheated on me. It is soooooooooooo painfull! I wish I can just vanish. I wish I can have amnesia so I do not remember anything even my name and even who I am. I wish I can be happy again and not crying every single minute of the day.


  313. Laura Dwensive

    Hey Olivroy,thanks for commenting on my comment,,and talking about your situation. I feel your pain,however after reading your comments twice I can’t even find the connection for you to disagree on anything. I wrote a comment to Demi about how it’s a double standard if she does that and feels sorry for wives,and your post is talking about something completly different. Did you mean to use someone elses name? So what don’t you agree with? You don’t say,all you do is explain your situation that has nothing to do with me telling Demi how I feel about her career choice of prostitution.Sorry I’m confused,perhpas you should go back and read my post.


  314. Jondn

    Good post. On your point bout having the cake and eating it too, Shull misses the critical point that the shitty husbands expect thier wife to be pure and faithful while they sneak around and would freak if they caught their wives in an affair.


  315. Ladylrecords

  316. Ladylrecords

    AMEN!! Unacceptable behavior! To do the same thing over and over is flat out selfish and having no regard for others feelings. It is flat out of ill repute. I am going through this now with my soon to be EX husband because I am sick of the I was drunk speech and that’s why I did it BS. What a coward! It’s a weak individual whom can’t control his own actions. Well he now is losing a beautiful family over this! He will get what he deserves!!


  317. LExy

    You will get yours Rustic. That whole brass attitude you have. You will get yours…


  318. Ladylrecords

    I as well am going through the same garbage. My first marriage and first baby. However I love my child and ME to much to put up with this nonsense. He chose that lifestyle over his child and wife he can have it. I am done. I am strong and always have been. I do not need this especially around my baby boy. When you do wrong it comes back to haunt you. He will get his. In the mean time I am doing what I have to do!


  319. Ladylrecords

    Then divorce her already and stop being selfish. If you feel your needs are not being met then divorce her and be single and see all of the women you want! Simple! Don’t lead a person on… If your unhappy be a MAN and not some BS bunko artist and get the F!uck on already!!!


  320. Kenneth-r

    Dear, you just made a complicated subject easy. It really is as simple as you say. Have your cake and eat it too. Sex is fun, why deny it?


  321. Angelica

    I am into my 3rd day after finding out my husband has been cheating with whores, we have been together 7 years just married for 4 of them. I took on him and his 2 kids a year after his first wife dies, I’ve taken crap from his family and hers for the way I do Inge not bringing the way she would have, but I’ve taken it every time as understand they are grieving. Then 3 days ago I find out this man, who claims to love me and only me has been paying for sex. I feel sick to the core thinking of what he has done and what diseases he may have given me. I am at a total loss, my gut instinct is to leave him, but I’ve raised his daughter since she was 2 years old and she is like my own, how can I leave her to his care. How do you ever recover from this?


  322. YouCanStop

    I am a husband who cheated on his family with prostitutes.

    Men have a choice and there is no excuse for this behaviour. I must accept my responsibilities and recognise that the home I’ve just broken is entirely my fault and that no matter how sorry I am, I have broken my wife’s heart, smashed our dreams, potentially damaged my children’s mental health. And sorry doesn’t fix a broken home.

    I find out the results of my STI blood test next week. Although I deserve everything that’s coming to me. I pray I have not contracted any infections for my family’s sake.

    My advice to any married men who have not yet told their wives is that you can stop, you have a choice. You can get help, you can remove temptation by simply choosing not to look at adult sites (as that’s how it normally starts)… Make a commitment to stop today, take each day at a time and get yourself checked out for STI’s. If you have contracted anything you have to tell your wife and accept that she will probably leave you. But if you don’t then you are a coward who will one day get found out (trust me, you will).


  323. YouCanStop

    Demi, I’m sorry the world has men like me around. If it wasn’t for us then you wouldn’t be able to earn a living from this kind of work.

    I am sorry for the psychological effects men like me leave you with. You are someone’s daughter and deserve to be treated with respect. You can stop too… Take it one day at a time, take a lower paid job and graft for that promotion. You will feel better for it.


  324. Lauren

    So true,thats why I agreed with the womens post in reply to hers…she counts on you for money but resents you! Then stop and get another job if youhave this much bitterness and complaints….really annoying! She actually thought she’s come here and get on the wifes good side but we see it different. If these men are so disgusting then get a reglar job Demi! Youre telling us what weknow and want to hear with our husbands dick inside you isn’t helping


  325. brad

    Demi you have a good and valid point! I am a man. we want our cake and eat it too.


  326. Ella

    I am 58 years old as is my dirt bag husband . We have been married for 31 years. By the click of a mouse my whole life unraveled. My daughter checked our email and found a conversation from his blackberry where he made an appointment to meet a hooker a few months prior while I was in Arizona. He begged me to go to AZ so I could get away from the cold.He was going to be a brave boy and stay behind and tough out the winter. Turns out he started out just looking at pics on the web.He the progressed to jerking off in his van while some whore got him off on the phone. Then he started going to our citys whore house or massage parlour as they like to call it.My daughter and I smashed 3 phones including his blackberry.I told all his friends my friends and his family.He has had to sleep in his van a couple of very cold nites so he very sorry and wants anew start. I wasn’t happy with our non existent sex life but felt sorry for him. It takes him half anhour to pee and he could rarely get it up.So being the understanding wife that I am I didn’t want to embarass the poor dear. I have been given a pap test for stds and will probably need hiv tests the rest of my life.My daughter hates his guts is changing her last name and calls him by the alias he used not dad. I hope his $80 blow job was worth it. Oh yeah hubby also hates women with short hair with red hair or black women or Indian women or fat women. Guess what? He had every color and every type of woman on his blackberry.He sure wasn’t fussy. Haven”t decided whether i want to know whats on his sin card which i removed before i smashed his blackberry. Might come in handy in divorce court.


  327. Yup

    I agree with most that you say. So what if your obviously passionate about the issue? To all the people reacting negative to you is probably because they feel attacked aswell for being the same kind of disgusting people o.0.. Anyway, I couldn’t stand reading how many ignorant people are attacking you for your opinions and trying to put you down. Hope you know there’s someone that understands and cares :)


  328. Yup

    Haha I could have written that a little better but you get the gist of it:).

  329. There is no doubt in my mind that this lady caster is truely gifted. She is very seriously powerful and wonderful. I am thankful that i never calling her. My situation was as bad as dead that i was tired of existence.
    My wife left me, At that same heartbreak i lost my dad, everything on earth seems finished for me, i almost committed suicide until i search online to find out about a spell priestess Ifaa, I saw many psychics and more but none wanted to help me but rhis spell lady told me that she’s going to bring me a new world, I placed all my hope in her, and as she did her spell work, 7days later, my lover came back to me, i was also offered a job in a company i applied for a job, luck was coming from different corners. Today, i owe a house, have a good job, living well, and most of all, am getting married soon to my true love. I have never believed this till now, unlike other psychics who wants to money money money. priestess Ifaa told me i would have my life back even more better, I was a little skeptical because many promised and never fulfilled, but to my surprise my fiancee showed up at my door out of the blue 7 days later!! priestess ifaa is the best. I beg you to contact her and never make any mistkae in going else were. the email is [email protected], God Bless and thank you for all that you have done for me!


  330. The Network Company

    I can express the reason I cheated and I felt very justified. I provided my wife with an amazing home, I was a good father, I treated her like a treasure, bought her hundreds of thousands of dollars of present each year, took her traveling, took her on a date every weekend. I was always good natured and nice to her, and she was a totally demeaning and demanding bitch who constantly said cruel things, tried to boss me around all the time, and was always acusing me of the most bizarre things. So I had two choices. Choice A I act like a total asshold back to her and maybe leave the marriage or B I fuck around on her from time to time and I still treat her nice even though she is a total bitch. I chose B and it allowed me to continue to treat her well which allowed the relationship to go on longer than it would have if I lashed out. Most modern women treat their men like TRASH, they abuse them and act as if it is a major honor to be with them. At a moment’s notice they will just leave and find a new boyfriend or husband and feel totally justified. Well, guess what ladies, men are smarter than you think, and they reward this attitude by fucking other chicks. I am certain that most men would remain loyal if they were actually treated like human beings by their wives.


  331. Nurse Jamie

    Thank you to the escorts who post their opinions on ” why” our men cheat on us with them. I just made my decision to leave my husband of 12 yrs for cheating on me for a year with prostitutes. I was accepting his reasons why, and after 17 days of reading books on the topic, seeing a psychologist and a therapist and planning couples therapy…….well….the
    Pig looked me in the eyes and denied doing a hooker on a conference a month ago. The proof was in text on his iPhone. He did not even try to cover his tracks and delete.

    We are both professional with high incomes. We are slim, well kept and dress classy. We look years younger than our ages. We have never had fights til now.

    Stupid idiot…….had a clean slate…..a chance to save a marriage we both called ” the best time of our life”. Spectacular vacations, best buddies at outdoor hobbies, renovating our home together, lots of laughs and all the sex,love intimacy whenever we wanted it and we even played out each others fantasies together. We have excellent finances, thousands a month extra for trips etc., fantastic pensions to look forward to, plenty of investment savings, no debts whatsoever, a home paid off and updated very modern looking and should sell fast.

    Here is my question…….why????? He says he does not know why.


  332. Julia

    because they want their cake and eat it too! Most men will cheat because they can seperate love and sex,they think with their love muscle (their brain) and don’t thunk of consequences! Men will ALWAYS be like this,they’re tempted constantly,if they never cheated they think about it. This is not a promising story for a happy marriage.. We will NEVER undersatnd these species called men! You sound classy and sharp,keep moving forward with your life and heal. Happy New Year.


  333. Dixie

    Right so the apes go take $800 dollars and offer it to the nearest female for a fuck? And I’m sorry but most animals only have sex to produce offspring so unless all these escorts are in heat and wanted to birth your children keep it in your pants.


  334. NIT2

    I’m sorry for you…. but honestly, you were married to one of the worst types of men I know of PURE SELFISH AND SHALLOW!!! GET RID OF HIM…. lots of guys out there who really could cherish one person. All these excuses for men to cheat are stupid. They lack Christianity and THEY ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEMS…..


  335. urevil

    Dear “escort”;
    Call it for what it is….. “escort to hell”. Men are warned via the Bible about women like you! You’re as shallow, pathetic, and low as they are! One day you will stand before God and when you talk to him like you just “excused” your way out of your stupid comment you’ll KNOW you are the one that is in the wrong! GET A LIFE!!!!!


  336. realitychecker

    I don’t care how hard a life is….. BEING A SLUT is just what it is! I do commend that you told this “escort” (another great denial word), that actions should match words. DOWN WITH PROSTITUTES!!!!


  337. Kovakova

    My husband cheated on me with prostitutes, I am 23 yrs old he is 41. I am very beautiful and sexy, I was cook ,clean, and role play with my husband. He sleeps with prostitutes because he like whores plain and simple. No prostitute can be tighter than I am. filthy nasty sluts that sleep with anything that have money.When we have sex he ask me to pretend like i’m a whore n he wants me to have a big filthy V J like them girls. he fantasies abt me with a lot of me. I’m leaving him because i can get any man i want. he should be lucky he had me. All you prostitutes gonna die a horrible death you disease ridden disgusting creatures.

  338. HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this [email protected] indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is [email protected]


  339. Steven Marcus

    Wow what a comment section full of malicious stupidity!!

    Never mind the Middle East, it’s scary to find people still living in the Dark Ages in our own midst. “The whore”, “the harlots”? Who says that?! Stone them to death? You bitter hags on here are clearly mentaly ill.

    I didn’t want to spend too much time this comment section and the follow up article “Is he cheating with prostitutes” Are they advocating violence or trying to scare women out of sex work? You can’t on the one hand paint them as victims (murder, rape, substance abuse,lost innocence . suicide), and on the other demonize them and claim that they have it coming.

    I tend to buy Shakespeare’s take in Hamlet that “if we all got what we deserved, who would be spared the whip?” (paraphrasing)

    Was Jack The Ripper doing God’s work? Listen to Morgan Freeman’s character tear down the serial killer’s (Kevin Spacey) delusions in the movie Se7en for a clue. People think and do the evil that they are and want, and then justify it post facto, using grand texts if necessary. Doesn’t make them any less fucked up.

    Call me naive, but all that time I thought that God was love and forgiveness, that we shouldn’t “cast the first stone”, and that Jesus was, um, quite chummy with a certain Mary Magdalene.
    But God’s name was also used to burn and torture witches (ah, those evil redheads!) and more recently cut people’s heads off with dull knives for the internet.
    Meet you ALL in hell soon, Hell and dam nation fanatics!

    you hateful folks are demented. I’m getting a massage to forget what kinda world I live in…


  340. Bradley speck

    After being in relationship with my husband for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again.

  341. I should note that this guy tried to sell his “Love Spell” here. I have a strict “no snake-oil” policy.

  342. To be clear, I have never advocated violence against the women in this situation. The exact opposite actually; why should anyone be made at the women, it’s the husband lying and cheating. So, turn off the outrage machine, you sound like a nut job.


  343. Cora Cassidy

    why are some of these people on here sounding like serial killers of prositutes saying they deserve horrible violent things like stoning and etc..? I find the condoning of abuse and seeing them less than human really disturbing! These are already women in pain and abuse. Some of these hate comments bother me. Perhaps you can enlighten me on this sick nut job thinking Ed!

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