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Married Men and Prostitutes

Why do so many married men turn to prostitutes? Here’s one guy’s opinion.

Update: You may also want to read the follow up post on how to tell if your husband is visiting prostitutes.

I came across an article from Oprah.com (it was syndicated on CNN, I swear) that talked about why men cheat.  In the article, marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, author of the new book The Truth About Cheating, gives some interesting facts.

It’s estimated that 1 in every 2.7 men will cheat on their spouse, and that less than 7% of those men will come clean about their infidelity.  It’s also interesting that 92% of the men claim that sex is not their primary motivation.

Gary Neuman makes sure to state upfront that cheating is a despicable act, and that it causes pain to the very person these men swore to love and respect.  He also makes sure to let the Oprah viewers know that it’s not the woman’s fault.  So…it’s not you, it’s them, right?  Well….it looks like Gary also let’s women know they have to be more supportive of their husbands.

A guy named Josh tells us that he cheated on his wife because he felt “under appreciated” at home.  “The insecurity was really the catalyst” Josh says.  It seems Josh didn’t like the daily routine of paying bills, doing chores, taking care of the kids, so he screwed around on his wife.

Let me say for the record, I don’t get guys like Josh.  And I don’t really believe him.  I don’t think Josh wants to admit that he is really a shallow ass who wanted to screw around on his wife, and he knows that playing the emotion game is going to get him off the hook, at least a little.

I decided to do my own little study.  I’m more qualified than M. Gary Neuman, I’m not peddling a book on Oprah.  And I have known a lot of guys who cheat on their wives.  And I can tell you that each and every one did so for the sex.  Maybe they had a good time hanging out as well, but it really came down to the excitement of new sex with a new person.

Since M. Gary Neuman has already shared with us the reason men have affairs, I decided to focus on men who are simply having sex behind their wives back, specifically with prostitutes.  So I posted ads to several Craigslist city sites asking for married men to tell me about their experiences with prostitutes.  I also emailed some professional escorts directly to take a quick survey on their experience with married men.

Let me start off with the escort feedback.  According to the escorts I spoke to, roughly 75% of their clients are married, often traveling on business.  The ages range on average between 30 – 55, and appear to be professional men.  The fact that most of these women charge the same as a high priced attorney would make me believe that these men in fact do make a good living.

According to one respondent, “they’re almost all married, and I don’t think I have ever seen one try to hide it from me.  They will take calls from their wives while I’m there, talk to their kids, whatever.  They sometimes show me pictures of their kids while I’m getting dressed.  It’s not a big deal to them.”.

Another escort shared, “most of my out of town clients treat it (sex with a hooker) like drinking or smoking.  They know their wife doesn’t like it, so they don’t tell her.”.

I asked these women if they found these married guys to be unhappy with their wives.  Do they complain about them?  “No, just the opposite usually.  They brag about how great their marriage is” was one response I got.

Getting into the guy’s responses is a bit more of what you might expect.  “What I do on my own has nothing to do with my wife.  It’s a flaw, but it’s the only break I get sometimes.”.  Another man stated that he thinks prostitutes actually help keep his marriage going.  “My wife doesn’t feel good about herself a lot.  She thinks she is unattractive and is always down on herself.  But after my time with ******* (he named his prostitute for me), I’m able to be much better to her.”  Isn’t that sweet?  He nails hookers to help his wife deal with her insecurities.

Here’s another response I got from Craigslist, “The reason they do it because subconsciously they’ve turned their wife into their mother – this is a normal phenomenon in most couples so they can’t really have good sex with their “mothers” and more often than not the wife treats them like little boys – again, noones fault that’s just how love works – BUT men feel societal pressure to be more “manly” or to dominate someone – perhaps get out their anger or just feel “studly” – if there’s a mistress she can serve to make him feel adored and admired.”

This was a little psychobabble for my taste, so I responded asking it they were a man or woman, married or single.  The response I got was “I’m a psychotherapist”.  Interesting.

The fact is these men shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.  If we want to find a bigger cause of the problem than guys thinking with the little head, let’s look at society.  Why is it assumed that the primary mission in life for men and women is to get married and have kids?  Why do we push people who maybe should be left single, into a commitment that everyone, even themselves, knows they are not going to stick to.

Most of my married friends are in terrible marriages.  I think this can be attributed to both parties.  Men don’t really look for a compatible soulmate, they look for the hottest woman who will have them, and trade up until they get to what they consider their pinnacle.

Women look for the potential mate, instead of what is truly standing in front of them at the alter.  And then they act surprised when their husbands ditch them for some younger, prettier girl, who will now enjoy the more improved man the wife helped make.

I obviously don’t agree with M. Gary Neuman, who thinks that men’s infidelity is going to be fixed by women being more supportive.  Husbands and wives should be supportive because that’s what makes a marriage work, not to keep each other from cheating.  The fact is there is no simple answer.  I’m not going to say it’s not women’s fault, and then tell them what they should do to help prevent it.  Men and women make their own decisions in life.  The only answer is to choose wisely.  Not just your spouse, but your lifestyle.  Not everyone needs to be married.

About Ed Shull (364 Articles)
I'm the editor of Filthy Lucre, and the CEO of USWeb. I write about things I find interesting in the financial and business space, and often gadgets. I'm an unapologetic Apple fanboy I spend most of my waking day near an iMac, iPhone or iPad. I split my time between my beach condo in Baja, and my home in Las Vegas.
Contact: Website

343 Comments on Married Men and Prostitutes

  1. Bradley speck // December 11, 2013 at 6:13 pm // Reply

    After being in relationship with my husband for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again.

  2. Cora Cassidy // June 4, 2014 at 1:49 pm // Reply

    why are some of these people on here sounding like serial killers of prositutes saying they deserve horrible violent things like stoning and etc..? I find the condoning of abuse and seeing them less than human really disturbing! These are already women in pain and abuse. Some of these hate comments bother me. Perhaps you can enlighten me on this sick nut job thinking Ed!

  3. Looking for a Man or Open- Minded Woman’s thoughts/ response to this…those that are close minded, please scroll on…

    I tried to keep this short and simple,,, but there is just too many moving parts…

    Without going into hours of details, I have been with my sweetheart for almost 7 years. Our relationship prior to 2 years ago- nutty, on both of our parts. We survived all of it, got closer, stronger, happier, have been in a very solid and trusting place since. We have had the best sex imaginable since then (it was not bad before, just not frequent enough for me). Last year, he finally opened up to a hidden side and so did I. We have had an amazing time with all of the “new” things to try and do (too much to elaborate on)…like I said… everything, great. Really, better than. From all aspects, not just the sex- but hey- that is a big one for me.

    A few months ago, he was transferred to another country for work. I have been down to visit, chosen a home for us to (potentially) move into, gotten to know the area, etc. (we plan to marry within the next year). He has been there a few months (visited here a few times). We have now tapped into utilizing all resources to stay in daily contact (video chat, texting, etc- and sometimes keeping it far from G rated)…. needless to say, we have learned a lot about each other and it has made our actual in person visits (about once a month) even more incredible than prior…

    Here is the stuff that baffles me: he is now OBSESSED with the idea of watching me get fucked (sorry about the language)- by 1,2,3 guys- him in the room, etc- down to the play by play details. Now, it has developed from that scenario to “him wanting to tell me to go out and find a play-toy for the night”; requesting live video or pictures with details later… telling me that I had a full blown “hall pass- only with prior approval” and wanted this as much as “I did, if not more”… (when initially presented with all of this, I thought it was a “scenario” that we would write and share about-like we had with other things- so I played along…I obviously have not gone out trolling…)

    For the past few months, he has talked about it non-stop. I expressed my concerns when I realized that he was not just fantasizing- he was serious. Repercussions (possible)- I would go from being his darling girl (who is a freak for him behind closed doors, but a lady otherwise) to someone that he could not trust or look at the same way; that I could not follow through, as I would feel like a cheater; or he would think it to be okay for him to do the same (not okay in my book-even a little). He assured me that he would not see me differently, would never do it to me-or think that it was ok for him to go “out”, and would not be mad in asking me to do something that he wanted after. I had told him, that I would do it for him if he really was that infatuated with it… and since we have endlessly “written about it” and talked about it, it has really brought out a horny side in him (he was like a camel before- a little went a long way)- when I see him, all he wants to do is nail me several days in a row, in between cuddling, closeness and sweetness. Hell, yes. I am insatiable and cannot get enough- so that part works great for me.

    ANYWAYS, since then, the more we have talked about it, and I have seen him get off at the thought of it… it has made me begin to fantasize about it- a lot. He is now talking about when he comes in town in a few weeks, us going to find a “play-toy or 2″ to “pleasure his girl”… down to the where we will go, “rules”, etc… Not too sure about it still.

    What bothers me is that I just found out that he (for the first time in his life) called upon a hooker a few weekends ago. Set it up, got a nice hotel room, had a few hour session after taking her to dinner… though it concerns me that they are still in contact- as he just is not wired to be a “one and done” type of guy…(he has not a clue that I know)

    I am somewhat relieved that it was just a hooker- as there is no emotional tie there… and obviously, all of the sexual banter we exchange for weeks at a time (though “taken care of virtually”) might have gotten him “wound up”…

    I am not sure how to feel about all of this. I do not want the uptight bullshit, leave him, blah blah cheater replies- only those from open minded individuals that have been through Hell and back in their relationship and deeply love their partner- as we do. I do not expect the close minded to get it, so please, keep banter to yourselves- I am just looking for a MALE’S perspective or open minded woman’s take on this.

    Thanks :)

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