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My post on married men and prostitutes has brought in a significant amount of traffic and feedback. One of the more interesting things that came from the post is hearing stories from women who have caught their husbands cheating on them with prostitutes. So I thought I would write a quick post with tips to see if your husband is seeing a prostitute.
To best catch your husband, it will help to understand how prostitutes work. First off, there are different types of prostitutes. There are your street walkers, your escort agency hookers, the brothel prostitute, and your high-end escorts/companions.
Let’s start with the street walkers. A typical street walker is going to charge between $20 – $100 (typically $30 – $40), and usually perform the act while in a car. Since even scumbag husbands have some level of self-preservation, there is likely to be condoms involved. And that is your first clue. Condom wrappers in the car is an obvious sign that something is up. Also, odd charges on a bank card at a drug store of gas station could be condoms. If you see a charge for gas, and then a separate charge for inside the gas station, you may want to check if they carry condoms, and how much they cost, so that you can compare that to the purchase. Then ask your husband what he bought. If what he says doesn’t match the charge, and the price of a pack of Trojans does, he’s busted.
Moving on to escort agencies, these places take credit cards. Look for any charges for things like “Airport Services”, “Mobile Assistants”, “Hotel Services” or “Massage Service” . And if in doubt, call your credit card company and ask them what type of company made these charges. Believe it or not, the credit card company will sometimes be able to tell if the company is an escort agency.
Also keep in mind the typical charge for an escort agency via credit card is about $300 – $700. If you see a suspicious charge from the same company twice in the same day, that could be an escort agency. Escort agencies charge for having the girl show up to the room. Once there, it’s up to the girl and the client what happens and the cost. They will sometimes hit the card when the girl gets there, and then hit is again for the girls “tip”.
Phone records are also a good indication. If your husband has half a brain, he’s not going to call the agency from his mobile phone, knowing you could see the call. So check with the hotel if any local calls were made from the room.
Brothels are highly unusual, and not likely unless your husband has gone to Nevada, or out of the country. Still, know these places take credit cards as well, and are not as stealthy as the escort agency at hiding the charges. Look for charges of about $500 – $1000.
The independent escort is the more common approach these days. Most advertise on the Web, allowing men to check out the goods through pictures first. These escorts do not usually take credit cards, although some do use Paypal. Usually these are cash transactions. There is a common thought that anyone taking out hundreds of dollars from an ATM after midnight is up to no good. Keep in mind that these girls typically charge around $300, because that’s what men can take out of an ATM at any time. So look for late night withdrawals.
And because these girls are often contacted through the Web, you can often find good evidence through your husbands computer. Check his browser history, and his cache. Search the machine for pictures. Sites like eros-guide.com, or Craigslist.org are the most often paces where guys go shopping for hookers. If your husband is traveling to a different state, check out the local Craigslist for that state on his computer. You should be able to tell if he has clicked the links for the “erotic services” section.
Keep in mind that when confronted, he will of course lie. And when shown 100% proof, he will claim that it was his first and only time. This will be a lie.
Tagged with: craigslist, prostitution
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Ann
Who needs a private investigator when you've got a husband as stupid as mine … who left the slip of paper with the three whores he'd looked up on Craigslist (Phoenix). Heck, he even wrote their names, phone numbers and fees on a nice little slip of paper and tucked it in his wallet for me to find when I went in there to leave a romantic little love note as a surprise for his upcoming trip to China. The surprise was on me when tucking that love note into his wallet, I found his list of fuck buddies. Of course he did his deny and deflect dance when I showed him what I'd found. Then he tore it up. Did I mention I'd already photo copied his little note? Who needs a p.i when I've got myself.
filthylucre
Ann – Sorry to hear about your husband making plans to get a hooker. But let's be honest, were you really going to put a "romantic little love note" into his wallet?
You caught him, so feel free to admit you were going through his stuff.
And tell your husband just to get a smart phone to keep his numbers.
Destroyed
I just found a secret email account my husband had since 2006 with hundreds of contacts with escorts. They speak of screenings, referrals, appt times, donations, phone numbers, hotel address'. I confronted him, and he keeps insisting that he was only playing a game to see how far he could get, but never actually met anyone. Explain referrals right? Says that he just chatted with them for a while, then later went back to ask for it. Please tell me there is NO WAY this could be true, and that he's just lying. I have proof, but these manupulations and excuses put 1% of doubt, and I just have to know!
filthylucre
I would say your instincts are probably right. I can understand wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I think it's safe to say that it's highly unlikely that he didn't go through with his plans. And you can certainly cling to the fact that he has used incredibly poor judgement either way. But the fact that he is giving escorts referrals from other escorts… that means he has been with other escorts successfully. He actually would be what is referred to as a "hobbyist".
You may want to check his history for sites like theeroticreview.com, or bigdog.net. Try to see if he visits these sites, or even has a password. Also, look for transaction on ATM machines at around the times you think he would have done this. You're looking for $300 withdrawals. But if you can't find these things, don't let him off the hook. They would just be ore evidence, but I think you know the truth already.
Add to that the fact that he is going to keep up the lie. He knows that you don't believe it, but he wants you to just accept it and move on, thereby giving him permission to do what he wants. The very fact that he is still fighting this, regardless of the overwhelming proof that he has cheated with hookers, just shows what little remorse he has.
In my opinion you should give him one last chance to come clean. Maybe tell him you called one of the "referrals", or even actually do that. If he isn't willing to come clean, I would say there isn't much more to discuss.
And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you were treated with such disrespect. It's hard to find that someone you thought loved and cared about you is so willing to put you at risk for their own selfish wants.
Let me know how things shake out. How many escorts was he communicating with? How long ago? And how did you find his secret email account?
Clara
Well I am up at 3am because I am packing and moving into an apartment from my boyfriends house. I was snooping in his email and found a strange email from a woman about meeting up with him. He wrote that he was looking forward to meeting her. So I googled her funny sounding name. I thought it was a salon or something. It was a prostitute.
I confronted him before he left town and he said he was just fooling around on the net. After I researched the site I told him I know that those girls don't make appointments unless you pay and they verify your identity or do that reference thing and he still said it was BS and they responded to him right away. Then he said he just wanted a massage. So I asked why from a whore escort from the net? He still blew it off as nothing.
So he left town for along weekend and I called the whore. She actually talked to me! She at first said she never met with him and that he had cancelled but knew I was calling around–the word was out among the girls! She knew exactly who I was calling about. He must have called them because he knows I won't give up till I get an answer. So she busted him for me. She said its just fantasy stuff and nothing bad and I told her I didn't believe her. I hung up on her.
Here is where I believe God helped me. She called me back!!!!!!!! She felt sorry for me and had been cheated on as well before(imaging that huh?) and she did some calling around to her other whore friends and said he HAS been seeing other girls and I should dump him and he is not worth it. I asked if he was having sex with them and she confirmed it.
I am so upset right now. Throwing up crying packing and moving in about 6 hours.
The only thing that is helping are these posts I am finding.
We were together for over 3 years. You really never know anyone.
filthylucre
Clara, I'm sorry that you're going through this, but I'm happy the posts helped. You're not alone, and you're certainly not at fault for your boyfriend choosing to be an ass. As tough as this is, the hardest part is behind you. Now it's time to go and find someone who really deserves you.
BetrayedSpouse
Two weeks ago I found out that my husband has been having sex with prostitutes/escorts since 2002 (about 8 years). We have been married for 12 years. It seems now that 8 years of my 12 years marriage was shared with hundreds of women. I feel so betrayed and used in many ways. Not to mention that he had a year relationship with one of these women in 2005 which he said he finished it off after a year. Also, he started another relationship with another escort/prostitute last April and this relationship in his mind was like a very hot affair. I found 2 love letters in his computer that he wrote to this prostitute declaring his love to her and almost begging her to call her back because she was not answering her calls. I am ready to leave him, divorce him and not to have anything with him now. I wanted to kick him out of the house; he asked for forgiveness and said that he now realized that what he did was wrong and was willing to do anything to make it things work for us. He said he always loved me. (In one of the love letters he also told this prostitute that he will always love her). I don't know what to believe anymore. Our sex life was not so good but it is now becoming clear, which he also acknowledges that because of his sexual satisfaction outside of our relationship that our sex life got worse. I don't know where to go from here. How do I ever trust him again. Even though sex part was not satisfying I always thought that I had the perfect husband and a perfect marriage. I thought that he was my friend in every way and was my sole mate. He says that he is my sole mate and he will recover from this we will grow stronger. Is this ever possible?
BetrayedSpouse
Two weeks ago I found out that my husband has been having sex with prostitutes/escorts since 2002 (about 8 years). We have been married for 12 years. It seems now that 8 years of my 12 years marriage was shared with hundreds of women. I feel so betrayed and used in many ways. Not to mention that he had a year relationship with one of these women in 2005 which he said he finished it off after a year. Also, he started another relationship with another escort/prostitute last April and this relationship in his mind was like a very hot affair. I found 2 love letters in his computer that he wrote to this prostitute declaring his love to her and almost begging her to call her back because she was not answering her calls. I am ready to leave him, divorce him and not to have anything with him now. I wanted to kick him out of the house; he asked for forgiveness and said that he now realized that what he did was wrong and was willing to do anything to make it things work for us. He said he always loved me. (In one of the love letters he also told this prostitute that he will always love her). I don't know what to believe anymore. Our sex life was not so good but it is now becoming clear, which he also acknowledges that because of his sexual satisfaction outside of our relationship that our sex life got worse. I don't know where to go from here. How do I ever trust him again. Even though sex part was not satisfying I always thought that I had the perfect husband and a perfect marriage. I thought that he was my friend in every way and was my sole mate. He says that he is my sole mate and he will recover from this we will grow stronger. Is this ever possible?
BetrayedSpouse
Two weeks ago I found out that my husband has been having sex with prostitutes/escorts since 2002 (about 8 years). We have been married for 12 years. It seems now that 8 years of my 12 years marriage was shared with hundreds of women. I feel so betrayed and used in many ways. Not to mention that he had a year relationship with one of these women in 2005 which he said he finished it off after a year. Also, he started another relationship with another escort/prostitute last April and this relationship in his mind was like a very hot affair. I found 2 love letters in his computer that he wrote to this prostitute declaring his love to her and almost begging her to call her back because she was not answering her calls. I am ready to leave him, divorce him and not to have anything with him now. I wanted to kick him out of the house; he asked for forgiveness and said that he now realized that what he did was wrong and was willing to do anything to make it things work for us. He said he always loved me. (In one of the love letters he also told this prostitute that he will always love her). I don't know what to believe anymore. Our sex life was not so good but it is now becoming clear, which he also acknowledges that because of his sexual satisfaction outside of our relationship that our sex life got worse. I don't know where to go from here. How do I ever trust him again. Even though sex part was not satisfying I always thought that I had the perfect husband and a perfect marriage. I thought that he was my friend in every way and was my sole mate. He says that he is my sole mate and he will recover from this we will grow stronger. Is this ever possible?
filthylucre
I don’t know much about you, but I think I can say with a fair degree of certainty, you can do better than this guy. If you’re really talking about over 100 indiscretions, you’re dealing with someone who has very little respect for you or his marriage.
And if he is emailing prostitutes love letters declaring his love, he is simply pathetic. You deserve better.
I’m sure this is painful, but you do not have the perfect husband. You have someone using you for all the benefits of having a wife, while he screws around with other women, disregarding your feelings and putting you at risk.
And I have to say that I find this guy to be especially bad. It’s one thing for a guy to get a hooker and believe that it has nothing to do with your wife. It’s a rare thing and you have no feelings for the hooker. But to do it and then send love letter expressing your everlasting love… The guy is pathetic. He clearly fantasizes about leaving your for women he feels are more attractive, and he is bound to do so eventually. Do yourself a favor and collect whatever pride you have left and walk out the door. And make sure to take his hooker money in the divorce.
BetrayedSpouse
Dear Filthylucre,
Thanks for responding to me (BetrayedSpouse). You can call me Sarah if you like from now on. What makes a man to do the things that my husband did? It never crossed my mind that he would do such a thing. From the very beginning I told him that it is possible that some day he may stop loving me and love somebody else. As long as he is honest with me even though I would not like it it would be much easier to accept. But sleeping with all these women all this time and kept such a secretive and deceitful life on the side. My husband clearly look for something on the side. He acknowledged that. Why? I am very supportive of him. With his work and everything else in his life. He tells me all of his problems and asks for guidance from me all the time. I always thought that we were very close since he always asked my help on everything and did not do much of anything without checking with me. When we tried to have sex most of the time he was not able to. I was even understanding of that. Gradually we stop having sex or had so little of it and it is because I thought he could not do it. Now he says that his lifestyle caused this problem. I am a very attractive woman. He says that and I know that but when I am around him I don't particularly pay attention to how I look. At nights I did not know how to look sexy and did not wear the kind of outfit that he likes to see on the hookers. Because of this he says even though he loved me he did not feel attraction to me and this affected him. He is now telling me all this. I did not know. I know I should have known. He is not blaming me for all this; he is taking full responsibility and he says he wants to change. We started going to AAA type of meetings together. He says he feels remorse and shame. He says he will acknowledge all this to his parents who are religious people and to his friends and siblings. We also started going to church. Next week we have a doctor appointment to see together for his sex addiction which he calls it. What do I do? I have so much invested in this life. Is it ever possible that he can change? What do I need to do to help him. I guess I am thinking if I provided to him the type of sex he looks outside of the home may be this would not happen. I know this is not my fault. Aside from this he is a very good man. He does everything I ask from him. He always has been very caring and loving toward me. He says that he wrote those love letters to this woman because of the fight they had and she was not calling him back and he needed her back to continue having sex. He did not mean any of it, he said. Should I believe that?
BetrayedSpouse
Dear Filthylucre,
Thanks for responding to me (BetrayedSpouse). You can call me Sarah if you like from now on. What makes a man to do the things that my husband did? It never crossed my mind that he would do such a thing. From the very beginning I told him that it is possible that some day he may stop loving me and love somebody else. As long as he is honest with me even though I would not like it it would be much easier to accept. But sleeping with all these women all this time and kept such a secretive and deceitful life on the side. My husband clearly look for something on the side. He acknowledged that. Why? I am very supportive of him. With his work and everything else in his life. He tells me all of his problems and asks for guidance from me all the time. I always thought that we were very close since he always asked my help on everything and did not do much of anything without checking with me. When we tried to have sex most of the time he was not able to. I was even understanding of that. Gradually we stop having sex or had so little of it and it is because I thought he could not do it. Now he says that his lifestyle caused this problem. I am a very attractive woman. He says that and I know that but when I am around him I don't particularly pay attention to how I look. At nights I did not know how to look sexy and did not wear the kind of outfit that he likes to see on the hookers. Because of this he says even though he loved me he did not feel attraction to me and this affected him. He is now telling me all this. I did not know. I know I should have known. He is not blaming me for all this; he is taking full responsibility and he says he wants to change. We started going to AAA type of meetings together. He says he feels remorse and shame. He says he will acknowledge all this to his parents who are religious people and to his friends and siblings. We also started going to church. Next week we have a doctor appointment to see together for his sex addiction which he calls it. What do I do? I have so much invested in this life. Is it ever possible that he can change? What do I need to do to help him. I guess I am thinking if I provided to him the type of sex he looks outside of the home may be this would not happen. I know this is not my fault. Aside from this he is a very good man. He does everything I ask from him. He always has been very caring and loving toward me. He says that he wrote those love letters to this woman because of the fight they had and she was not calling him back and he needed her back to continue having sex. He did not mean any of it, he said. Should I believe that?
BetrayedSpouse
Dear Filthylucre,
Thanks for responding to me (BetrayedSpouse). You can call me Sarah if you like from now on. What makes a man to do the things that my husband did? It never crossed my mind that he would do such a thing. From the very beginning I told him that it is possible that some day he may stop loving me and love somebody else. As long as he is honest with me even though I would not like it it would be much easier to accept. But sleeping with all these women all this time and kept such a secretive and deceitful life on the side. My husband clearly look for something on the side. He acknowledged that. Why? I am very supportive of him. With his work and everything else in his life. He tells me all of his problems and asks for guidance from me all the time. I always thought that we were very close since he always asked my help on everything and did not do much of anything without checking with me. When we tried to have sex most of the time he was not able to. I was even understanding of that. Gradually we stop having sex or had so little of it and it is because I thought he could not do it. Now he says that his lifestyle caused this problem. I am a very attractive woman. He says that and I know that but when I am around him I don't particularly pay attention to how I look. At nights I did not know how to look sexy and did not wear the kind of outfit that he likes to see on the hookers. Because of this he says even though he loved me he did not feel attraction to me and this affected him. He is now telling me all this. I did not know. I know I should have known. He is not blaming me for all this; he is taking full responsibility and he says he wants to change. We started going to AAA type of meetings together. He says he feels remorse and shame. He says he will acknowledge all this to his parents who are religious people and to his friends and siblings. We also started going to church. Next week we have a doctor appointment to see together for his sex addiction which he calls it. What do I do? I have so much invested in this life. Is it ever possible that he can change? What do I need to do to help him. I guess I am thinking if I provided to him the type of sex he looks outside of the home may be this would not happen. I know this is not my fault. Aside from this he is a very good man. He does everything I ask from him. He always has been very caring and loving toward me. He says that he wrote those love letters to this woman because of the fight they had and she was not calling him back and he needed her back to continue having sex. He did not mean any of it, he said. Should I believe that?
BetrayedSpouse
Dear Filthylucre,
Thanks for responding to me (BetrayedSpouse). You can call me Sarah if you like from now on. What makes a man to do the things that my husband did? It never crossed my mind that he would do such a thing. From the very beginning I told him that it is possible that some day he may stop loving me and love somebody else. As long as he is honest with me even though I would not like it it would be much easier to accept. But sleeping with all these women all this time and kept such a secretive and deceitful life on the side. My husband clearly look for something on the side. He acknowledged that. Why? I am very supportive of him. With his work and everything else in his life. He tells me all of his problems and asks for guidance from me all the time. I always thought that we were very close since he always asked my help on everything and did not do much of anything without checking with me. When we tried to have sex most of the time he was not able to. I was even understanding of that. Gradually we stop having sex or had so little of it and it is because I thought he could not do it. Now he says that his lifestyle caused this problem. I am a very attractive woman. He says that and I know that but when I am around him I don't particularly pay attention to how I look. At nights I did not know how to look sexy and did not wear the kind of outfit that he likes to see on the hookers. Because of this he says even though he loved me he did not feel attraction to me and this affected him. He is now telling me all this. I did not know. I know I should have known. He is not blaming me for all this; he is taking full responsibility and he says he wants to change. We started going to AAA type of meetings together. He says he feels remorse and shame. He says he will acknowledge all this to his parents who are religious people and to his friends and siblings. We also started going to church. Next week we have a doctor appointment to see together for his sex addiction which he calls it. What do I do? I have so much invested in this life. Is it ever possible that he can change? What do I need to do to help him. I guess I am thinking if I provided to him the type of sex he looks outside of the home may be this would not happen. I know this is not my fault. Aside from this he is a very good man. He does everything I ask from him. He always has been very caring and loving toward me. He says that he wrote those love letters to this woman because of the fight they had and she was not calling him back and he needed her back to continue having sex. He did not mean any of it, he said. Should I believe that?
filthylucre
Sarah,
I think at this point your husband will say whatever it takes, and I know that you will believe him. The decision to accept what he says and give your marriage another chance is obviously 100% up to you. But in my opinion, he will do this again.
And I can’t believe that you are taking any part of the blame for this. Even though you say you know it’s not your fault, you’re actually concerned about what you didn’t wear to turn him on. One thing you have to realize is that there is nothing you could have worn, nothing you could have done, and nothing you could have said to stop him from screwing around. Him saying you don’t dress sleazy enough is a joke. He is just trying to give you a reason that he thinks you’ll grab on to. The truth of the matter is, he doesn’t have a good excuse for what he has been doing. He wanted to screw other hot women, and then was too spent or distracted to sleep with you. Trust me, it has nothing to do with the way you dress.
As for why he wrote love letters, his excuse is insane. If you want a hooker to call you back, you simply offer money. No prostitute is interested in having a romantic relationship with a client, especially one they don’t bother to return calls to.
I know you want to believe your husband, and you would like nothing more than this nightmare to be behind you. If that’s what you want, feel free to believe him and be ready for some serious denial in the future. You won’t be the first woman to look the other way on this stuff. But realize that eventually one of these women might just move forward with some sort of long-term relationship, and you may end up in the cold.
Do you have kids? How old are you both?
BetrayedSpouse
No we don't have kids. In the past several years we both wanted to have kids. I am 43 yrs old. He is 49 yrs old. Because of my age we had to have sex a lot for me to get pregnant he just could not do it. He now says he feels remorse that his lifestyle caused us not to have the ability to have sex and have a family. Until several weeks ago he was trying to convince me to go to doctor so we can have a child through artificial insemination. But we don't have any problems; our problem was we were not having sex period. When last week he went to the doctor to get checked for HIV and STD he talked to the doctor about having a kid and doctor told him that it is still possible. I can't believe he is still thinking about a child from me.
BetrayedSpouse
No we don't have kids. In the past several years we both wanted to have kids. I am 43 yrs old. He is 49 yrs old. Because of my age we had to have sex a lot for me to get pregnant he just could not do it. He now says he feels remorse that his lifestyle caused us not to have the ability to have sex and have a family. Until several weeks ago he was trying to convince me to go to doctor so we can have a child through artificial insemination. But we don't have any problems; our problem was we were not having sex period. When last week he went to the doctor to get checked for HIV and STD he talked to the doctor about having a kid and doctor told him that it is still possible. I can't believe he is still thinking about a child from me.
filthylucre
Very strange indeed, but I think he is just saying things that will make you believe in your relationship.
Did you see pictures of any of the women he was with? Did they look alike, or look like you at all? Any idea how much money he was spending on prostitutes?
BetrayedSpouse
Yes. I have been the websites where he picks the women and I even saw the picture of the woman he confessed his love to. Strangely this woman looks a lot like me except that according to both him and the reviews this woman has droopy breasts. I estimated that approx. he spent about $35,000 in those years. Could be more? He keeps telling me now that he is glad this burden is lifted of his heart and wants start all over and he says he believes that our relationship can be even stronger. Is it possible?
filthylucre
I know you want to believe him, but I don't think it's likely that he will stop for long. I'm sure he'll chill out for a short period, but in the end this seems to behavior that he enjoys.
I would like to ask you a question that is more private, email me if you feel comfortable. I may have a suggestion to see if he's on the up and up about this. ed.shull@gmail.com
filthylucre
I know you want to believe him, but I don't think it's likely that he will stop for long. I'm sure he'll chill out for a short period, but in the end this seems to behavior that he enjoys.
I would like to ask you a question that is more private, email me if you feel comfortable. I may have a suggestion to see if he's on the up and up about this. ed.shull@gmail.com
BetrayedSpouse
I sent you an email. Can you please respond?
Robin
Clara,while it's disturbung and annoying your husband has used a hooker STOP CALLING THE WHORES. They owe you nothing and don't give a crap.Their disturbed screwed up women and there lives couldn't be anyworse if there selling there bodies,remember she's a lost screwed up soul off her path and your husband is the one who went seeking out and called her.She seems to have been allot more empathetic to your feelings than The man who had the loyalty to you was (WOW,IMAGINE THAT,HUH?) The men who have the commitments are the ONLY ones you should be confronting! Plus if anybody was a whore ,your husband was the biggest whore of all for cheating on you AND that was quit rare that she called you back out of this so called compassion for you.
Move on please,he probably has a sex addiction
Robin
Betrayed spouse, First of all I'm so sorry for your latest discovery. I cheer you on in saying diveorce and leave him,it will take along recovery for him with prostitutes and also to cure his dilusion that any woman using sex as a transaction will NEVER love him or is in it for love! If she's making him believe that than she's a hell of an actress with $$ signs in her eyes!The more he falls for it the wider his pocket book opens and that affects you and the family aswell!
You would really need some time away to get intouch with what your intution and higher power wants you to do,seriously it would be a long hard journey and think of him dipping into your finaces,shared bank accounts to with draw money for his addiction of escorts,think of it as being with a gambler or anyone with a addiction,my prayers go out to you,and I hope your able to leave you deserve the best and someone exclusively yours!!
GAMIESTE
I did something even worse! I forgot the condom on my dick, so my wife saw me taking it out in the bathroom! Another time she smelled my dick, and it was smelling of plastic due to the earlier use of condom. But this convinced her that i needed more sexual freedom, so i took her with me on the sex games. I went to a parking lot, and while i was fucking her, a guy approached and he finished masturbating on her ass cheeks! Slowly slowly i made her to like sex orgies so now we visit swinger clubs in Holland to have fun! There is nothing better than to do the sex perversions together as a couple and not behind each other's back. You women have to understand, that Monogamy serves only the women's interests, not men's. Even if we were married to super-models, we would get bored fucking the same person after 50-100 times. We need to change women, but only rich people can have these lives. When u are lower or middle-class, then u cannot afford to change women, it is too much money. So try it with your husband and invite a guy over to the house or some hotel, and make a 3-some. trust me he will love u seeing like this: both wife and hooker in one package!
))))
Rebecca
That is exactly what happened in my situation, I saw this yahoo email address in the cache on my husbands office computer (his office was moving so he brought his laptop home) so I went to yahoo and put it in the address and said forgot password, well there were two test questions, one was the name of your older cousin and the other one was your favorite football team, well I knew both answers after being married for 10 years to my husband and bingo I was in his secret email, and boy did I get a surprise, all these ads my husband put on craigslist offering to be a sugardaddy and offering to pay attractive girl to watch him masturbate. etc etc. He had also answered several (there were 463 emails sent) ads from backstage.com (you can look up prostitutes in any city on this site with profiles and pics) , and I even saw one where he was thanking this girl for a hot time the day before. He's also on sugardaddy.com .
Rebecca
Continued:
In saw all his correspondences with these girls claiming in almost alll messages that he has a big dick and asked them how big they were used to. He was so busy during work hours that I can see why I am the only one married to a broke lawyer. Your husband is full of it, mine did the same thing I just caught, for the first 5 yrs of marriage straight, I didnt find out until we were married, he used his cell phone for everything at that time so I had so many calls to prostitutes and single chat lines, I thought he had changed.
Rebecca
Continued:
When I confronted him he said that it was just fantasy and he never actually went through with actually meeting them, and then I showed him the one email he sent the girl saying what a hot time they had together, and he said thats the only one, and then I found two more, where he is asking if she had a good time the last time they were together, he said, they just wantched me jack off at my office (he's a lawyer). I have been married 9 yrs nov. and I just read that you can't get spousel support unless you have been married 10 years so I have to figure out how to get to the 10 yr mark.
Rebecca
WOW your husband will not change, he will only hide it better, sex addiction is not curable and you have to be extremely commmitted to stoppping. My husband got prostitutes for the last 10 years and we started going to sex addict anon classes together and separate and he would walk around with his desire chip in his pocket all along cheating, it was just manipulation. What you have to understand is if he has gotten away with it for this long, he is very skilled at being deceitful, and when he is making these promises to you it is hard not believe what he is saying but trust me, he is lying. He will keep his double life.
annette
I caught my husband with 2 prostitute this week. He passed out on zanax and alcohol and had to be hospitalized. I thought he was working late called his cell phone and one of the girls answered and said he was unresponsive, she was scared and had not called 911. By the time I got to his office, there were 5 police cars, a firetruck and a ambulance. He almost died. He is now out of the hospital. He said that he found one of the girls on a web site 2 weeks ago. That she came to his office but that he didn't want to pay. He called her again that night. I forgot to mention that his pants were down when medics arrived. I've told him to fess up but he keeps lying. Do you think this has been going on for years? We've been married 23 years and have sex once a year.jt
filthylucre
Just to be clear; your husband was found with passed out, with two hookers, with his pants down, and he admit to meeting at least one of them off the web before, but he says he's innocent of having sex with hookers?
Not only is he lying, he doesn't think much your intelligence either. They very fact that you're contemplating wether he's telling the truth speaks to how far you're willing to look the other way, and he knows it.
So yes, he is lying, and cheating, and probably doing things much worse than he just got caught doing. I'm sorry for the way he's treating you, but it's time to look at this guy for what he is. If you want to stay with him and accept it, then that's your call. But you have to at least acknowledge to yourself that he is doing these things.
jan b
ive been married 33 years, have discovered my husband has been betraying me with hookers for 20 years!!! Im traumatized, This is horrific! I'm hearing all the usual , he had a dark side, an addiction, it wasnt about sex( playing tiddlywinks, were they??) he wants to change, be the husband i deserv,e etc etc. Hes doing all the right things, getting treatment, being attentative, but I cant help feeling hes only stopped because he was exposed. He never stopped for me in 2 decades!!!
I'm shattered, I'm 61, What kind of life can I look forward to? My marriage and memories are bogus. . I feel as if I've stepped into someone elses life – and i want mine back!!! But my life never was, didnt exist, was an allusion. My pain and anger is intense, I cant bear living with this knowledge.
This is the horror he has inflicted with his whoring! He never felt shame or guilt. He justified his foul behaviour by kidding himself that it was "seperate" and nothing to do with me !!!!!
annette
Thanks for confirming what I already knew but did not want to admit. He has rented a truck and is moving his things out today. I just feel so stupid, hurt etc. I'm 51 years old, very attractive and a good person. I keep asking myself if only I'd kept my makeup on till he came home, wore sexing underware, etc… I feel that my whole world has ended. I go from Mad to sad to hurt.
Thank you again for making me acknowledge what he really is.
filthylucre
Annette, you shouldn't feel that you did anything wrong. I know you know that, but you need to really believe it. It's not like he's been with a single woman for these years. He's been paying money for younger, attractive women to have sex with him. He didn't leave you for something real, he just paid money to get something he wanted sexually. It was pathetic. He screwed things up, but your life is still ahead of you.
You should set something up with a therapist to get you through this rough patch. I promise, a year from now you'll be in a much healthier place.
filthylucre
First off, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Obviously dealing with a 20 year long betrayal is beyond difficult.
But I do have to say that he's not being totally dishonest when he tells you that it's separate from his life with you. If he was snorting coke for 20 years, you would believe that. To him, it's the same thing. It's not that he thinks it's a good thing, or fair to you. He just views it as something he's doing, not doing to you.
This doesn't mean you have to forgive him, but you can certainly go on knowing that you have nothing to forgive yourself for. He did this for his own reasons, and they have nothing to do with you.
And you memories are not bogus, you can look back on your marriage as real. You just didn't know him as well as you thought.
Are you in counseling together?
jan b
Thanks for your sensible and calm response ( I wanted outrage on my behalf!!!) but calm is good. calm is what I need, I want to live in the 'Land of calm"!
My husband is being treated by a Doc that specialises in this kind of "behaviour" and he is having to face the real damage he has done, to us, to me & to himself.
I know it "had nothing to do with me", But I wish the x rated movies would stop playing in my head.
My head tells me I was in no way to blame etc, but my heart is shattered into millions of pieces – I loved him. I trusted him. I feel he took my love & our marriage and flushed away down the toilet over and over again. But your right. he didnt really think like that. What a shock it has been to acknowledge that I never really knew the man I have loved for 33 years.
I'm in a "wait and see" state right now. I'm seeing this( usually unemotional ) man in tears, begging me to let him be the man he should've been for all those wasted years. He will do anything for me. So I think I'll go along for the ride, and see where it takes me.
Oh, & yes we are in councelling. not sure if its doing any good…..but cant do any harm.
Again thank you, I'm really touched that people can reach out to someone they dont know and take the time to make a difference. I feel better.
.
evelyn
hi i recently busted my boyfriend of four years was seeing escorts, i don't know for how long and when at all it may have started. I must admit that we did separate for sometime during these four years and reconciled about 6 months ago. I started to get a hunch regarding his behavior and certain things he would do which led to my alarm bells ringing. I then tried to let things play themselves out and hoped the truth will come out on its own. He never gave me any reason to doubt him and its not like the phone would ring at weird times or any other suspicious behavior just that i could tell by his actions…he always told me he loved me and always was affectionate.
Prior to our separation he had a fetish for latex and always tried to get me into it but i always felt insecure as to why we couldn't just have sex without all that. I didn't understand at the time but have tried to in the last few months and recently we tried to have sex and he became impotent and couldn't keep it up..i questioned what was wrong what was going on with his head he said stressed and tiredness so i let it slide. Though with the hunch i had i went through his computer and found the password to am email account i have never seen before and saw he had written an email requesting the availability of two escorts in particular approximately 30 minutes after i left to go and visit my parents. When i confronted him i asked him to tell the truth and he made up a story about it being organised for a friends bucks party..mind you i had no knowledge of this friend being engaged… Anyways after this big reveal he seemed to have shown no remorse he only said sorry but it wasn't as though he wanted to work things out…he just told me that i deserved better than him and he was so sorry and that he felt so bad for the pain he caused me….please help this man is like my loser love -the one that seems to be able to do anything and you'll still love them- I know this is eating at me and i haven't actually seen him since i left we did all of this on the phone. I haven't slept for 3 nights now and have surely lost a dress size…i don't know what to do please someone tell me if i should continue..? personally i don't believe i should and he told me it was just for sex and that it started as a result of us breaking-up…..please help this is all so fresh and im so hurt and disgusted by the whole thing…
filthylucre
Jan, I'm so happy you're feeling better. It sounds like you're both doing what needs to be done. Can you do everyone a favor and let everyone know how things are going? I think other women would benefit from seeing how you work through this.
It takes a lot of strength to move forward with this man. And I'm sure that it's not going to be much fun for a while. But hopefully the good will outweigh the bad. Good luck.
filthylucre
Evelyn,
Sometimes people are just sexually incompatible. It sounds like this guy is into some things that you're not. There is nothing wrong with that. Hell, if this guy is into latex and three-ways with hookers, I would say you're comparably very healthy.
I'm going to guess that you're an attractive woman in her mid-twenties. You're boyfriend is probably slightly older. If I'm right, then here is my advice…dump his ass. Most of the women posting here are women who have been betrayed by a trusted spouse. They would have loved to had the early warning you just got.
I know it's painful, but don't focus on that. Focus on the excitement of new possibilities. Enjoy the fact that you have a world of opportunity to meet the right person. Someone who doesn't need to lie to you so that he can get his rocks off. You deserve better, and you damn well know you can get it. Dump the luggage, change your Facebook status and let the wave of attention (that you deserve) begin.
evelyn
Thankyou so much…and yes your spot on in am a very attractive girl which is one of the reasons he fell for me, i have no problem meeting men at all just that i'm stupidly drawn to this one.. and yes he is roughly 10 years my senior…i know i deserve better it the letting go that's the hardest part especially after we just reconciled.. i feel so used by this man…i absolutely did everything for him all just to be betrayed..but much like you said i should look forward to the new possibilities with someone who will truly care for me and respect me as a person and as a partner…in all honesty much like all the assholes who do this he seemed to have been only concerned with me rapping out his name to his family and friends about his dark side incase it may ruin his career…i don't even think he was truly sorry only that he got caught…As much as i will try and move on the problem i have is that i still love him so much and have always done so its so hard to just say "OFF" and to make matters worse i really don't think i can trust another man again…i simply feel as though they all carry these deep set secrets and its only when their busted that any of their unsuspecting partners find out…thanks again i knew but i think i needed an outsider to look in to see if this was worth trying to salvage…and obviously not.
filthylucre
Evelyn,
I'm glad you see this guy for what he is. And I love being right! I know moving on is easier said than done, but try this; mark your calendar for 2 weeks for now, and see how you feel then. I'm sure you'll be beyond this guy by then, or at least feeling much better.
One thing I have to ask. Are you Australian or British? No one in the U.S. uses terms like "bucks party" or "rapping out his name".
evelyn
heheheee…yes im australian…and im not sure what you guys call it but a backs party is like the male version of a hens night…i think what you said is a very good idea…i'd much rather do my head in as a single person with only myself to worry about than to carry someone else's flaws upon myself…thanks again for your help much appreciated..